New here and need advice

[gem320]

Hi everyone

Just joined. I don’t have children, and up until recently never wanted them. However I’ve started to change my mind.

My issue is I’m terrified of childbirth. The thought of it scares me a much. I’ve heard so many horror stories. How did all you amazing ladies deal with it? Did you have anxiety?

I’m not currently with a partner, but having children is starting to play on mind, and thought here would be a great place for advice.

Thank you everyone

I think it's safe to say most women have some form of anxiety about childbirth, whether it be before pregnancy or at 40 weeks.
With my first I was very ignorant. I didn't really know what to expect and in all honesty I didn't really think about it. And I don't remember this but after I had my DS I turned round and said to my mum, who was my BP and said "That wasn't even that bad".
My second was a bit more intense.
It feels awful at the time, but you forget so quickly once baby is in your arms.
And it can't be that bad can it if we are doing it over and over
Now don't get me wrong, I've had births that have gone well (kind of) and I am very fortunate for that as some ladies arn't so lucky.
I'll be doing it all again next year, and I am anxious...but I know what is at the end of it and it is so totally worth it.
Childbirth itself is just a small fraction of the adventure of having children.
You will also find, that people talk more about bad labours than good, like most things.

Medically, there are so many ways now that can help. From pain relief to C-sections (not saying a section is the easy option) to even support from therapist and your midwife.
I'm not sure if that will help at all, but just wanted to send some reasurance it's not always bad.

I second the idea of childbirth not being that bad. By all accounts mine should seem like an awful one; 10 weeks early, made to lie flat the whole time, pumped full of magnesium and sterroids, lost a lot of blood etc, but the amazing thing is that it's not that bad when it's happening! It's managable, you take the drugs they offer, and you trust the professionals. It felt like bad period pains; not as awful as I'd imagined and very do-able. As the other poster said; birth is one teeny tiny part of the equation. My lo was very prem and needed emergency brain surgery, spent 8 weeks in hospital, which was far worse than childbirth but even then, we got through it. Children show you just how strong you can be and they enrich your life in unimaginable ways. When you decide the time is right go for it, you won't regret it!

I know I'm going against the grain and I normally get flamed for admitting it, but I am diagnosed with high anxiety with a link to low self esteem.
I said no for many years regarding kids, met my DP at 17 and he said he always saw himself with kids, I said no way!
We moved in together at 18 and got married at 21. He started talking more and more about kids, I started coming round to the idea, but the big thing I couldn't get over was my anxiety about child birth, if it was painful, or long, or I ripped, or I couldn't get baby out, or if I got too tired, if I did everything I was supposed to and ended up with a c section.
I eventually bit the bullet and started TTC with DH, we were pregnant within months but I started stressing about the birth, I couldn't sleep and had panic attacks. I was so stressed.
I did a lot of research, I had other issues regarding I have a higher BMI and the baby was measuring big but the main concern was still getting the baby out safely. I read about everything, did hours of research on statistics and birth rates. I decided I wanted an ELCS.
I spoke to my midwife and she said with my high anxiety she could understand why it was my choice, and it was just that, my choice.
I made an appointment with a consultant, he read my notes, spoke to me, gave me his informed risks and statistics.
I signed the consent form at 35 weeks pregnant and had my c section booked for 3 weeks later.
Now, the pain is bad for a few days, then slowly gets better day by day. I felt fine at 4 weeks post partum.
The operation itself was professional and relaxed, all the medical team were professional and kind. The anaesthesia made me a little bit sick and I did throw up a few times. Thankfully the pain relief was still working so it didn't hurt.
I was discharged about 26 hours after the operation and went home with DH and DS.
My DH had 2 weeks paternity and 2 weeks holiday saved up specifically to stay at home with us because of my c section.
I am now 14 weeks pregnant and my consultant has already signed off and booked my next c section for 25th April next year.
Like i said, a lot of people will disagree with my choice. If you want lots of kids c sections are not advised (we're definitely only having 2 and DH is currently looking into a vasectomy).
I actually lied to most my family and told them it was recommended by the HCP because of mine and baby's size because I know it's something that gets a lot of bad judgement from a lot of people.
I'm only writing this to let you know there are options available to you. My anxiety is exacerbated by lack of control. To me the c section was more predictable than a natural birth and for me, even with the pain, it was hands down the best decision I made.
But it also definitely depends on lots of factors and I've heard of lots of people overcoming their fears with hypnobirthing techniques. There's lots of things to think about.
(Gosh that was a long post).