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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

OH and sex.

23 replies

Trixie101 · 30/10/2018 15:36

Im currently 35+5 weeks pregnant and sex just isn't really on the cards for me at the moment, as many of you ladies, I just feel so uncomfortable, im HUGE, the baby's heads engaged so I feel like I have a watermelon between my legs, I have horrendous heartburn and just generally grumpy!

Don't get me wrong I love my OH to bits, as does he, but he just doesn't seem to understand exactly how I am feeling at the moment and seems to be playing the 'poor me' card when I tell him I don't want to have sex and at the moment he is asking me EVERY SINGLE DAY!! and may I add, I only did it with him a week ago! We then had a huge row about it last night, him stating that its putting a 'strain' on our relationship and that we should be doing it as much as we can do now as we wont be able to as much when the baby comes. I screamed at him so much and then he immediately took it back and said that he didn't mean it, but still plays the "moody teenager" when I knock him back and say that im not in the mood.

I don't know, maybe if I was made to feel attractive and not just him trying to get his leg over then maybe it would be different but how the hell do I approach that?

I may sound like im being unfair, im not sure, I wish I did want it more, but this far a long in my pregnancy, it just seems to be the last thing on my mind and he takes it so personally, like he's making it all about him when it comes to things like that, and don't get me wrong, this aside, he's been amazing throughout the entire pregnancy and I know will be afterwards it just seems that this is a rut we've recently found ourselves in and it shouldn't have even been made into a rut in the first place!!!

OP posts:

marie201 · 30/10/2018 16:02

I have no advise really as we are all different and I guess a lot my depend on how often you used to have sex.

For me I find that my sex drive is just the same as it was pre-pregnancy and have been with each of my pregnancies (baby no 5 for us) so it's me rather than him that wants sex more frequently even though it's much more challenging now to get into a comfortable position!

I think that men find pregnant women quite sexy so whilst you may not feel sexy the chances are that to him you are looking AMAZING (stupid I know as I certainly don't feel amazingly sexy atm!) so he may be more 'in the mood' than you'd expect.

Please don't think that I'm making excuses for him as he should be able to get it and why would he want to force sex knowing you weren't into it but I'm not sure how you are going to find a happy medium.

KateTTC123 · 30/10/2018 16:02

My last baby was born early so my midwife has said no sex until my appointment with the consultant at week 13 (im currently week 11!)! So that will be over 3 months with no sex and likely many more after that. Your oh should count his lucky stars he's had as much as he has! If you don't want to you don't need to, nor should you feel guilty about it!

UnaOfStormhold · 30/10/2018 16:31

Would it help to point out that from your point of view the baby is very much there and already having a massive effect on you, so the days of not being able to do it much have already arrived!

katie23913 · 30/10/2018 17:48

I'm 26 weeks and haven't had sex for about 2 months. It's not something we have really talked about. He knows I'm not bothered either way because I can't say I really want it right now but I think he is scared of hurting me or the baby so I haven't pushed anything. It doesn't feel the same for me having sex when pregnant, it's hard to find a comfortable position and early on I had bleeding once after sex so we both got a little worried.

It's totally how you feel, everyone is different and you don't have that long to go really. My situation is different because we are both on the same page but I wouldn't have sex if you don't want to, not if you feel uncomfortable.

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 30/10/2018 18:46

See if you can speak calmly about it with him, my husband is used to not having sex when I pregnant due to the bleeding and stuff i suffer with and he's not moaned once bless him, I'm currently 11+2 and last time we had sex is when we conceived this baby !

Stargirl90 · 30/10/2018 19:03

I'm 35+4! And I totally understand how you feel, I am rarely up for sex these days too, we've done it probably once in the past 3/4 weeks, my OH tries to initiate sometimes but I just kind of go in for a cuddle instead and he says 'you not feeling it?' and just accepts it, he knows I'm not gonna go for it when I'm feeling especially huge or uncomfortable, luckily he is understanding, I think all you can do is just explain to OH that the positions are more uncomfortable for you now and you're feeling tired/huge/uncomfortable and don't feel up to it

BarkerBump · 31/10/2018 00:26

Im now 35+6, and I was told at my 20 week scan that I had a low lying placenta, and that we shouldn't have sex until after the results of another scan at 32 weeks.
Of course by that time I was carrying an oversized baby and extra amniotic fluid so am not even slightly feeling sexy. As a result we've had sex twice in the last 30 weeks! I really do feel sorry for him - thankfully he seems to understand.

I think you just need to have an honest conversation, somewhere other than the bedroom, and try and get you both on the same page. Also, there's ways to make sure that you get time together when the baby is here, otherwise no-one would ever have more than one!

HeddaGarbled · 31/10/2018 00:31

He’s a selfish, self-obsessed and inconsiderate arsehole. And you need to stop feeling guilty and tell him to sort himself out.

HoppingPavlova · 31/10/2018 00:36

He’s a selfish, self-obsessed and inconsiderate arsehole. And you need to stop feeling guilty and tell him to sort himself out.

This. What sort of man throws a tantrum (and daily at that) when his 35 week pregnant wife does not feel like having sex. That goes well beyond arsehole territory. I’d seriously be considering things to be honest.

Rebecca36 · 31/10/2018 00:50

I don't have much time for people who sulk about lack of sex. Everyone is capable of self control. Sex is only part of a relationship.

However sex doesn't have to be penetrative, you could be nice to your husband in other ways. He probably feels lonely (he's a big baby) and could do with some affection.

After you have the baby it will be a few weeks before you get back in the swing of things, I hope he knows that.

FoxgloveStar · 31/10/2018 05:18

Doesn’t sound like he is being an arsehole to me but not exactly dealing with it very well. He’s a loving husband (?) who is sexually frustrated and wants you and you don’t want sex right now because you are a huge pregnant lady. Give him a blow job to shut him up?

HoppingPavlova · 31/10/2018 06:39

Well, good for those who felt the urge to offer blow jobs, hand jobs or whatever else at 35 weeks either because they were gagging for it or ‘to keep their husbands happy’. Not everyone at 35 weeks is in the mood. I certainly would have stabbed anyone who came anywhere near me with such an expectation, sex, blow job, whatever at that point.

Any adult who can’t deal with their sexual frustration without tantrums, and particularly in this situation, needs to have a hard look at themselves.

As for it being a few weeks after birth, maybe, maybe not. I know some people who were up for it weeks after birth, others it was several months. Anyone who makes their partner feel pressured at any time after the birth of a child (so many factors, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, pnd etc) is unreasonable and wading into selfish arsehole territory. And if throwing tantrums well lucky new mum, crying baby, tantruming partner, ffs. No way my DH would have ever considered behaving like this as an option and he’s a manchild.

physicskate · 31/10/2018 08:51

I haven't had sex since a month before this baby was conceived (ivf). I'm now 21+5.

It gets me down cause sometimes I want to but dh is worried. He feels a bit weirded out that there's a baby there. I've started suffering pelvic girdle pain and for ages I was on injections and pessaries (all of the first trimester) and was a big nauseas mess until about 14 weeks. I respect my Dh's decision... and to be honest I may not really be physically up to it because of the pain I'm in. A good partner is willing to accept temporary changes to the status quo.

I totally agree there are other ways to be intimate. If your dh doesn't understand or at least accept that after you've (calmly) explained it to him, he's a royal asshole.

usernotfound0000 · 31/10/2018 08:53

He sounds like an arse. And I can't imagine the way he acts makes you want to have sex with him. Tell him he's lucky that he's still been getting some until now, my poor DH has gone months now, but do you know what, not once has he moaned about it!

LimpLettice · 31/10/2018 08:59

Sorry but a blowjob to shut him up? Yuk yuk yuk.

I'm 37+3 and it's been months. I just can't. Repeated miscarriages, huge, head in pelvis, not interested. My DH isn't 'understanding', he doesn't want sex that I don't want. So we don't. It'll be back but having sex with me that I don't want would disgust him. Because he loves me. No stropping, just a hug and a giggle.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/10/2018 09:00

Give him a blow job to shut him up

I fucking despair when I read shit like that.

Tell him to have a wank, and stop pestering you fgs.

I'd be debating whether I ever wanted sex with him again after behaviour like this.

FoxgloveStar · 31/10/2018 09:09

I’m generally not in the mood (34 weeks). No complaints from OH. Although personally I don’t take anything negative from being asked from time to time.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make your OH happy, as long as it’s what you want. Alternatively tell him to get over it.

If this is your first child then your OH does need to get his act together as it might be “worse” once the baby is here in terms of attention, time, priorities, in the mood.

Catsize · 31/10/2018 09:13

I didn't have sex at all in either of my pregnancies. Felt way too weird. I know my mum did. 🤢 As 'men have needs' apparently. Jeez... So, I know my dad's penis has been within inches of my head.
Your OH is being selfish. On a massive scale.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 31/10/2018 09:16

So he wants you to let him fuck you when you don't want him to - to "lie back and think of England"?

Would he enjoy that?

The idea that women must service men sexually when they are in a relationship with them, whether they like it or not, is fucking grim.

ChoudeBruxelles · 31/10/2018 09:16

Tell him to stop putting a strain on your relationship. To grow up and stop behaving like a teenager.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/10/2018 09:20

Nice backpeddle there foxglove

xJune88 · 31/10/2018 09:26

Im just over 12 weeks and we haven't had sex since the baby was conceived. Had bleeding and just petrified it could cause damage or do something plus I'm not in the mood at all. Hubby obv wishes i was but understands my reasoning as we've had 2 losses before. I still treat him when I can be assed (about 7 times in 12 weeks haha poor man!) X

TheWiseWomansFear · 31/10/2018 18:22

YANBU

Ask him if he's in the mood when he's in pain... weirdo

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