Boyfriend wants abortion, I'm not convinced

[ElCharlotte]

Hi, I'm 19 in my second year of university.
I have recently had a stomach bug so haven't kept my birth control down. I'm now 5+3 weeks.
He really doesn't want to keep the baby but I have a history of depression and have had an abortion before and didn't handle it very well. Essentially I want to keep it but I'm a student and will likely be doing this alone, is it a good idea.
I'd appreciate anyone sharing if they've been in this situation and how they handled it.
Thanks xx

I was 17 and went at it alone, it's your body and mind.
If you feel you are ready for a baby but know how you would react to a termination then noone can really tell you what to do.
Accidents happen, it's how you deal with them that shows who you are.

If you feel you can continue this uni year then go for it. You can always do a top up course when you are ready to go back. I'm 28 and I'm in my third year and pregnant with my third.
Do you have support? Have you thought about finances.
There's a lot of questions and it's a scary thing at any age and remember you're not alone xx

🤔 I recently had a stomach bug and wasn’t keeping contraception down. So my DP put a condom on and we didn’t create a life we didn’t intend to (I’m not that much older than you either - early 20s)

Your body your choice and I wish you nothing but luck. However, not considering abortion due to MH issues sets off alarms bells as being a parent is insanely hard and mentally challenging. Are you sure that having a child is in your best interests? If the answer is yes then go for it!

@MeteorMedow I can fully understand why you would assume that about the whole MH thing.
But as someone who has had abortions and suffered depression from those. Then had a child after that I can safely say it's not always always a cause for concern. The terminations were a trigger for me, I could deal with breakups and other potential triggers fine, but abortions really did me in. I am fully able of taking care of my children, despite any MH issues I may face. (this isnt a pop by the way). There are also plenty of other mother's and expecting mother's suffering from mental health, it doesn't define them as parents or people.
However, OP. If your mental health is a cause for concern, abortion or not they do have services available to help you xx

Hi, I'm in a slightly different situation to you as myself and my partner (baby's dad) are together but I had my son at 17 and haven't looked back. Being a mother has absolutely changed my world positively! I love it. I plan on going back to education once our little boy starts nursery. Absolutely doable if you have support, whether family/friends/partner.

Playing devils advocate here - you didn't handle the Termination very well but you coped.

What if you don't handle pregnancy very well either?
What if you get Post-Natal depression? (Which can devastate women with no previous MH issues AND support AND stable finances/accommodation)
What if you don't handle motherhood very well?
How would you manage IF you end up in worst case scenario? (Out of uni, Single, Skint, Homeless)

Have you got back up plans?

FWIW I did it at 19, cocked up uni, ended up in a hostel for 18 months and was utterly miserable for the first 5 years, I hated my life, my homes, being lonely, skint but mostly I hated that motherhood didn't make me happy instead I felt like a shit mum and the depression never left me.
I got over it when school started and a routine 'clicked', I slowly got my shit together. But I wouldn't wish those years on anyone, my daughter was stuck with me through it, that was her childhood and that still hurts because she deserved so much more.

No one can decide this for you, I managed it but I was struggling for a long time. Could you cope?

Not wanting an abortion is very different to wanting motherhood.

It’s not up to him. It’s your body, don’t be forced into something you don’t want to do.