Bridesmaid

[anonmum22]

Just found out I'm pregnant and due one month before my best friends wedding where I am meant to be bridesmaid. Her maid of honour has already pulled out of the wedding, her other bridesmaid has also found out she's pregnant and so I'm pretty sure the news is not going to go down well... any ideas how I can soften the blow? And also any tips on whether being a bridesmaid would actually still be possible for a month old baby? I would be breastfeeding so I suppose I could only pray that they sleep through the service but who knows! 😬

My bestfriend is still annoyed with me because I've fallen pregnant. I'll give birth 9 months before, and they are still livid about it. (I don't give a shit though tbh) it's quite amusing.

I've recently worked a wedding and a bridesmaid had had a baby a matter of days before the wedding.
Could your partner take main care of the baby for most of the day and you could also express if possible for most of the feeds.
Your friend will probably just need reasurance that you will be there and do what you can to be there.
Also bare in mind that your baby could come early or could come late.

I was meant to be 7 months pregnant when I was a bridesmaid at my friend's wedding. In the end I went into labour at 29 weeks and the baby was 9 days old when the wedding happened. He was in the nicu so we still made it to the wedding; this was a friend I'd had since I was born, our mums were friends at primary school and her mum sadly died a few years ago so it was important to me that I was there. It was lovely but exhausting. Couldn't fit the bridesmaid dress (it had been altered for my bump) so I just wore another the same colour and I didn't join in with the bridesmaid duties (too much on the day). Worth thinking carefully about the dress as you won't know what size you'll be. On the day she made a special announcement about our baby and I had to sneak away a few times to use a breast pump. All in all it was worth it but very stressful and I wouldn't have done it for anyone else!

It's worth bearing in mind that, if you go overdue, it's possible that you could have a two week old baby, be two weeks into recovery from a section, and be struggling to get around. You could also have a 6 week old baby, be well recovered from a straightforward birth, and feel totally up to it. These are two extremes, but neither scenario is out of the ordinary. It's so unknown - I think you have to be upfront, you would love to still be her bridesmaid, and you will if you can, but can't guarantee anything. If she feels it would be better for you to pull out all together and just be a guest, then you need to accept that too.

Yes of course these are such good points in terms of being overdue/could be recovering from section. That could be a disaster. Oh dear me! Thank you all. Food for thought so at least I can prepare what I'm going to say to her.

Bizarrely it was the first thing I thought of rather than oh wow I'm pregnant, more of a oh blimey what am I going to do about the wedding!! 🙈

That’s really quite inconsiderate of you, could you not have crossed your legs for a few months? 😀

If you’re a good enough friend to be her BM, she should understand. I was at a wedding in the summer where one of the BMs had a small baby. She had her parents there during the day so she BF the baby and the GPS took care of settling her, changing nappies and walking her round to sleep. Would that be an option? I would say a newborn is generally easier than an older baby as they sleep a lot and easily but of course you never know.

On these threads people always prepare you for the worst possible scenario. Yes you could be two weeks late and yes you could have a section. I would have been more than happy to go to a wedding two weeks after my section though, I was walking a few miles per day at that point! Breastfeeding was 95% established by then for us and DS was still at that excellent sleepy newborn stage where he just fed and slept and would happily snuggle up on visitors for a good snooze - perfect for a wedding!

Be aware that you might have to cancel but I honestly think something quite extreme would have to happen for that to be the case.