9 weeks pregnant - partner problems

[kpeanut94]

'm 9 weeks pregnant and probably super hormonal. Anyway, me and my partner recently became engaged, I adore him - however I'm having a hard time trusting him right now.

A couple of months back before I found I was pregnant I was using his phone because mine had died to get a takeaway number on google. He'd been searching where to get an exotic massage near us.😭 basically prostitutes right? I researched this and it's all naked skin to skin from masseuse and client.

I am heartbroken still, I did confront him about this and he said he wasn't actively looking to do it but it turns him on. If that's true wouldn't you just watch porn of that subject and not be looking for actual local places to go.

This isn't good on me it baby :( what would you do? He is always deleting his browser history on his phone since then. I have no idea what to think, I don't even check I just notice when he's on his phone next to me his search bar is always blank which always gets alarm bells ringing

Why did you get pregnant by him if this is how you feel about your relationship with him?

He's never been unfaithful to me ever, I found this when I'd just become pregnant. It's not something I ever expected of him to be honest. :(

Yes it's just a front for prostitution. I really wouldn't trust him after that.

How was your relationship around this time he was searching it?

I'm not defending him at all, nor am I saying you shouldn't feel how you feel but sometimes when guys are being guys they hear about something and they do a bit of research. It could have been curiousity and the thought of it turned him on. I do think it was a very odd and specific thing for him to search. However, if he has seen it on porn for example he might have wanted to see if it's actually a thing. There's so many reasons why he could have been looking without him being unfaithful, I'm just trying to see it from a different view and I didn't want to go straight in with the whole leave him for dust speech.

On the flip side. I know how gutwrenching it is to see things like that. Did you see anything else at all that might have indecating he was being unfaithful? When I've had unfaithful partners before there's often been a string of things found rather than one specific thing. From text messages to odd behaviour. How is he with you when you are around his phone? Have you noticed an obvious change of routine or behaviour?

You do have every right to question this by the way, I would be the same but it's sometimes best to try think about it in a broader sense other than out straight he is cheating.

My best advice would be to speak to him again about it, try not to make out like you are having a go about it or anything but tell him how you feel. Explain its really upset you, and you don't feel like he has explained it enough.
His reaction will say more than what his words do.

Give over Lilbear, unless he lives under a rock he knows what a massage parlour is. Next he'll be telling us he just wandered in to see if it was real and a woman fell on his penis.

Our relationship prior to this has been perfect, planning marriage and children etc. We have a beautiful home together too, I just don't understand why it's not enough.

Our sex life since we've met has been fab, he's into all the kinky dress up and we do everything and always try new things, so things in that department aren't exactly boring or in need of spicing up.

He gets very weird around his phone but I haven't noticed any other behaviour other than him deleting his history constantly. He spends an hour at a time in the bath on his phone where he hates being disturbed too.

Just making me feel worthless and like I'm not enough :( why would anyone in a seemingly happy relationship want to do such a thing is beyond me. This pregnancy has made all this come flooding back and I'm starting to resent him for it.

:( xx

Since when did searching something mean they have 100% gone and done it? I've searched strip clubs near me before now to see how many they are near me. Does it mean I went in one and got a lapdance. No it didn't.

I was putting a non man hating perspective on it because they're not all these vile cheating creatures.

I'm not saying he hasn't done anything wrong but I'm not saying he has. Which is why I asked OP about his behaviour and the relationship.

Oh and thinking about it he's changed his number twice in two months? Odd now I think about it...

Before we met he told me he emailed one to get an appointment but never turned up when it came to it. At this point I didn't care because we weren't together and he could have done whatever he wanted as a single man. But it's obviously something he's been interested and intrigued about for a while as this stemmed before our relationship even started.

Xx

OP, you certainly are not worthless at all. And like I said in my first post you have every right to feel so uneasy and question things.
I'm only suggesting the more "innocent" things because one. We don't know your other half and two. Emotions can really get the better of your thought process.
You automatically think the worst, I've done it plenty of times.

I'm sorry if my first post upset you at all.

I've just read your post about before the relationship and changing his number after I sent that and that does put a notch in it for me I'm afraid.
Those are defo alarm bells and now I've done a 180.
You need to speak to him. Do not bottle this up. If you have the patience and the mindset keep an eye on his behaviour.

How lo have you been with him?

I know, I really don't know what to think because I see so much good in him then this? It's bizarre to me but somehow not surprising just because of the things I know he's into. For a 30 year old man he has the sex drive of an 18 year old boy.

I've been with him 2 years!

It's sometimes really hard to understand, especially when you give them everything and have everything planned.

One time was when I was pregnant. And I had absolute proof he was sleeping around and it's soul destroying. I completely sympathise with you.

I went full on bat crazy and I monitored absolutely everything and it was so draining. I wish I had left way before I eventually did.

I can only suggest that you lay everything out to him. Explain how you are feeling, and ask him if there is anything going on
He probably won't admit it. But you'll be able to tell by his reaction if there is anything more than what you have seen already.
If he has something to hide he will more than likely kick off, that's from my experience anyway.

And to add to that, when you do speak to him you are making him aware that you suspect something so he will try harder to hide things. This will cause a change of behaviour and attitude.

If he has nothing to hide he will probably losen up a bit. Realising his actions are upsetting you.