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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Miscarriage :(

11 replies

bbpink · 23/10/2018 16:47

I don’t know if I’m posting this on the right place, all I know is that I’m desperate for a bit of support :(
Me and my husband had been TTC for seven months, and we’re overjoyed to find that we had a bfp last month at 12dpo. We got completely ahead of ourselves, fantasised about our future. Then it all started crumbling :(
At 5 weeks I started brown spotting, I knew this was normal, so did nothing.
5 weeks 1 day I started bleeding more heavily. No clots though. We went for an emergency scan and we saw out perfect little bean - well, we saw the sac as it was too early, but still, there it was.
Then the bleeding stopped completely for three whole days.

On Sunday, I suddenly had a huge urge to go for a poo (sorry tmi), went to the toilet and instead of pooing I started bleeding - heavy this time. Went hospital and they sent me away, I have a scan booked for Thursday, but I know I’ve lost it :( I felt it pass. Still bleeding heavy.

I’m heartbroken. Husband is heartbroken. We wanted this baby so much. I don’t know how I’m going to get passed it. I know it wasn’t very far gone but to us, it was our baby.
Has anyone who has been through this got any advice on how to cope?

OP posts:
KOBMUM · 23/10/2018 16:54

I am so so sorry to hear this. It doesn't matter how how far gone you were, you are allowed to grieve this horrible injustice.
Thinking of you xxx

Wordie · 23/10/2018 18:07

I’m really sorry for your loss! I was in a very similar postion and after around 9 months trying, I lost mine at just over 5 weeks. It is devastating! I went to see my GP who signed me off work for 2 weeks. Having a bit of time off really helped me, I also decided to have a month off from trying and ate/drank whatever I wanted and enjoyed the summer heatwave.

I was very surprised to get a positive test, just 5 weeks after my miscarriage. I’m currently 17 weeks, I honestly believe things happen for a reason and my body knew something was wrong with the last pregnancy. That helped me and I hope in some way it helps you. Good luck xxx

sausagerollssss · 23/10/2018 18:11

So sorry for your loss 

I lost my first baby, got pregnant two months later and my daughter is now 19 months old. At the time I didn't think I'd ever get past it but I did eventually, just give yourself time and look for support groups. There are loads. One of the best I found was coping with a miscarriage on the baby centre website.

https://community.babycentre.co.uk/groups/a180235/copingwithhamiscarriage

bbpink · 23/10/2018 22:09

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It's hard not knowing anyone who has been through this, and comforting to hear your stories of hope. There's such a horrible feeling of emptiness, physically and emotionally that I'm just not sure how to deal with.
I know it's a case of just waiting for time to heal but I can't help but feel like I failed in some way. Sounds so stupid, logically I know that it wasn't my fault. But still.

You guys have no idea how much sharing your experiences have bought me a bit of comfort. Thank you for taking your time and sharing them, it gives me hope for the future.

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 23/10/2018 22:33

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

I had a miscarriage at 5/6 weeks in April. I fell pregnant again on my next cycle and I’m currently 27 weeks.

cupcakedreamer · 24/10/2018 13:34

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. It truly is awful.

I'm certainly no expert but after 3 miscarriages in a row, all within a year, I found things that helped. First of all, talk about it. It hurts, and it's hard, but having my partner with me to talk about it was the greatest support, as was my family. My OH took time off work so we could just be alone together, could your partner stay with you through this? We also went to a miscarriage support group in London, and it was odd but gave me a chance to not feel so alone, would it be something you think you'd like to do?

Another thing that really helped was not pushing away from creating something for our potential children that we'd hoped to bring home. I decided to give myself a year, and buy small trinkets for those babies we lost. Such as a tiny Christmas tree in December, a tiny pumpkin at Halloween, a teddy I found and just knew I'd have bought it for them. This may not be for everyone, but it can help to look for something positive that you can 'give' them. It's been over a year since, and after that year I stopped because for me that felt like long enough. However, I didn't get any clothes or anything because that felt too strange for me.

And also, give yourself time. However much time depends entirely on how you feel. For some women it's a month, for me it was a year after my last miscarriage before I wanted to try again. Take however long you need, and remember it's not a race. I got desperate to try again very quickly at some points, but instead gave my body and mind time to heal, started conception vitamins and ate healthily as much as possible before trying again. This approach isn't best for everyone though and just do what feels right to you. However, maybe give it at least one period before trying again as this gives your womb some time to sort itself out a bit and prepare properly for another implantation?

I know it feels impossible to deal with right now, but you will be able to look back on this one day and remember how much this baby was loved, and that that is what is the most important thing.

Other sources that helped for me, and I hope can help you:

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

www.tommys.org/

And also, I avoided babies like they were the plague for a while too, and hated anyone I saw who was pregnant for a while. Seems silly, but emotions are strange. I really hope at least one bit of this helped, and again, I'm so sorry. I wish you all the luck in the world in the future.

Katiej1996 · 22/11/2018 01:18

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks April just gone, it's the worst feeling ever and I still think about it now what could have been but everything happens for a reason and although it doesn't feel like it now, that miscarriage happened for a reason and you will be blessed and have another chance to me a mother again it just takes the right time and patience, and just enjoy and it will happen when you least expect Smile

Busyfool · 22/11/2018 04:55

How are you doing now?
It doesn't matter how far gone you had gotten in pregnancy - it's tough!
My friend gave me good advice- that it's natures way of saying things haven't 100% gone to plan & to be comforted by the knowledge your body can get pregnant & in time your dream should come true of having a little one.
She was going through IVF treatment & still struggling to conceive- such a stressful time whatever the circumstances!

bbpink · 22/11/2018 08:09

Hi, sorry to hear for your loss.
I'm doing okay now, but there has seemed to cause this odd wall between my husband and I. We've spoken about it together but... it's odd. I can't even explain how it's changed but it has. We've not been intimate since it happened.
My mentality has changed too - I've done a full U turn and don't want to carry on trying for a baby. There's no way I can go through that again.
I'm disappointed in myself as I've started smoking again after being quite for eight years.
But still, I've quit once I can quit again!

Thanks for the support x

OP posts:
Wingingeverything · 22/11/2018 16:48

I am sorry you are going through this. I had 2 early misscarriages, one at 5 weeks and one at almost 7 weeks, its a tough thing to go through and I still think about what could of been but I am now sat here cuddling my 3 week old so stay positive! Everything happens for a reason.x

Michelle0507 · 22/11/2018 17:06

Search misscarriage and there is a fab forum with lots of great support.

I had a MMC in May at 6w3d and a chemical preg in Sept it is so difficult

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