Feeling insecure while pregnant

[YourHandInMyHand]

Is it normal to feel very insecure, needy and jealous whilst pregnant?

DP is being lovely, always telling me I look beautiful and that he loves me even more as I'm growing his baby but I feel so vulnerable and insecure and it's driving me crazy! He has put a pin in us having sex until after baby which I pretty much agreed with at the time but I think that is also making me feel like he isn't sexually attracted to me while I'm big and pregnant. I don't feel particularly sexy at the mo anyway tbh!

I'm much heavier than I'd like to be. I've a big age gap between kids and feel older, more tired, and frumpier this time around.

Same time I got the bfp DP started a new job in a younger sort of place where they go out for drinks on occasion (eg a colleagues birthday) or a few of them go out for lunch very often. He's often mentioned a colleague which I assumed was a man, turns out from this colleague posting on DP's fb wall today that they're a woman (think Charlie is actually Charlotte type of name situation) and she's young, skinny and pretty. Didn't even know he had this person on his FB as he always used to be reluctant to add colleagues.

I hate that I feel so insecure and needy, it's not me at all!

I don't understand a man who doesn't want to have sex with his partner while she's carrying his baby. There's something very wrong about that.

It makes your relationship more vulnerable as does the added stress of pregnancy tbh, and then he's going out to lunch with and drinking with other women?

I would talk to him about that, couples need clear boundaries between them and people of the opposite sex. Also ask him why he won't have sex with you!!!

I think it's normal to feel insecure, lots of hormones and huge changes in your emotional and physical state. On the flip side though, there is nothing technically wrong with your other half being friends with work colleagues and socialising with them. If he started going out alone with this woman then I would question that but just because he is friends with this woman doesn't need to mean anything (regardless of what she looks like). I would encourage you to talk to him about how you are feeling otherwise you will just keep focusing on it and it will quickly snowball...when he has no idea you are feeling this way. I think the sex thing is a very personal decision and shouldn't be judged either way. My partner and I have not had sex since my bfp but this is because I am rhesus neg and any bleeding I have to have an anti D injection. I can't be doing with that if I bleed after sex which is fairly common. I have missed that intimacy and have some common feelings as yours in terms of not feeling sexually attractive. But if I rationalise that...I know it's not the case. Talk to him and give him a chance to listen to your concerns. If he disregards them or doesn't put your mind at rest then that may be a different matter...but give him that chance first. Biggest thing is don't beat yourself up! What you are doing is amazing...you are growing a human...you are allowed to feel insecure etc

When the sex thing came up we had recently had sex and both felt very aware of the big baby bump. Neither of us found it as enjoyable as we usually do tbh. I would liken it a bit to when there's trouble getting a condom on and it throws you both off your stride and dampens the mood/heat a little if that makes sense?

I didn't mind it as a decision at the time but I've since felt like it doesn't help with me feeling less desirable. We are still cuddling and kissing though and he is still complimenting me. I don't know.

I know other dads (and some mums) worry about the baby too and can't get past that feeling of concern enough to enjoy sex. It's not that unusual is it for sex to lessen or be put on hold??

I will raise the female colleague but I need to do so in a way that doesn't make me look like a hormonal harpy. The lunches out is usually 3 of them (2 men and 1 woman) having a stroll at lunch time rather than 2 of them having clandestine meals together. I'd just not realised that
A) one colleague was female
B) he'd friended colleague on FB when he doesn't usually.

To notice this due to her writing on his fb wall made me feel insecure. I'd normally not be so easily insecure at all.

HopeHope I agree about the colleague. DP has lots of female friends as well as male and is very sociable, it's one of the things that initially attracted me to him. I know it's the pregnancy feelings that have made me more bothered than I'd usually be.

I'm rhesus negative too. Have just turned down an evening at an intimate gig in someone's house that I know will be awesome as I'm too worried about my bump getting knocked and needing to go for the anti-d jab. Like you say it's another little thing to be concerned about isn't it.

DP is still being complimentary and affectionate and he knows I'm feeling gross lol. If he wasn't being supportive and encouraging I'd feel 1000 times worse but he is trying to help me feel nice bless him.

I don’t think it’s that unusual to feel weird about sex when you’re pregnant. We hardly did it at all when I was pregnant with DS as we both felt a bit “icky” about the fact that the baby was right there!!

Much more relaxed this time and have done it more when the mood takes us, but if DH said it made him feel weird I would totally get it...

Everything you say makes sense. Especially when you thought it was a man. I often go for one on one lunches with men from my work and there is absolutely nothing else to it other than friends...but I do alwats like to make sure my partner is aware of who they are and understands the situation so he knows they are not a threat. This has worked for us. I would maybe bring it up by reiterating that the pregnancy hormones are making you feel insecure and that this facebook post has just made you feel a little off etc. He should understand why it might make you feel a certain way and if he can't then he is being unreasonable. By the sounds of it, he will know that this is not a way you usually feel etc so try not to double think how you will come across. Sometimes you just have to be really honest and get all feelings out there. Again with the sex thing...if I wasn't rhesus neg I cannot say it would be something either of us would be totally up for. I feel huge and immobile and I know he feels a little funny about it (not because of how I look). We usually have a very active fulfilling sex life...and we will do again...so I am not reading into the fact that we havnt for a while. It's not like there is no reason etc.

I feel your pain! I’ve been a bit like this since being pregnant. I never used to be but I’m putting it down to hormones. Just be 100% with your partner, from what you have written about him saying he still compliments you and shows affection etc he seems like a nice guy so I’m sure if you told him how you are feeling he would probably be mortified and wouldn’t want to upset you in anyway. Just be 100% honest, I was worried about how to word it when I spoke to my husband about how I was feeling but I was so emotional it all came flooding out anyway 😂

As for the sex thing, if anyone tells you it’s not normal just ignore them. At the end of the day it’s what works for you. Every relationship is different. If you feel comfortable with that then continue. If either of you aren’t happy with that, then again you neee to be 100% honest with each other and work around it. I’m sure everyone on here understands how uncomfortable it is to have sex with a huge bump, it’s not fun is it! It’s only temporary. Hope your chat goes well!

I didn't realise based on OP that you're quite far along and the sex had only recently stopped. There are some men that refuse to have sex as soon as they find out their partner is pregnant. Madness.