Help...?

[MammaHen95]

Hello mums,

So, as a baseline, i have depression and anxiety, as well as yet to be diagnosed borderline personality disorder. All that lovely stuff basically means that on the best of days my brain is like mush and the basic daily stuff can make me stress out.

Now, I'm 6 weeks pregnant (first pregnancy) and I feel like everything is magnified! I feel horrendous not just with the nausea and sickness, but also mentally. Today (Wednesday) is my 4th official sick day at my job since I started 1 month ago. Every day I've had to take off sick has been because of my pregnancy symptoms (even my first day off, but I didn't know that I was even pregnant at the time). Phoning in sick is the worst thing I can possibility do, due to my anxiety issues and paranoia about what people think of me. This morning I knew instinctively that it is not going to be a good day and I knew that I wouldn't be able to work efficiently. I gave a formal explanation to my (temporary substitute) manager and he turns round to say "well I don't have any cover for you today, what's wrong with you?" so I explain again. I try to keep calm but inside I'm dying. He then says something along the lines of "you've been sick a lot for being here for such a short amount of time" and "people get fed up having to cover sick shifts for people". I apologized, told him I've got my doctors appointment tomorrow, and that I would give an update tomorrow afternoon, and hung up the phone.

Then I burst into tears as my exhausted partner lay next to me trying to console me. I am so hurt that my fears have been verified by this supervisor. I'm already terrified about working because I've still not completed the "mandatory" safety at work forms since I declared my pregnancy 2 weeks ago (I work in retail so there's so many risks) and I haven't yet got control of the manifestations and scenarios my brain makes up. I don't know what to do... My partners jobless, I'm on a 16 hour contract but haven't worked in over a year so I'm still getting used to the routine, as well as dealing with these massive changes in my body! I just want to curl up in a ball in my bed and just stay there till my little bundle of love is ready to meet me... I don't know how you ladies do it 💜 any advice would be greatly appreciated

You have a lot of legal protection when pregnant, and I don’t think they are allowed to count pregnancy related sickness in your usual “sickness tally”. If your manager knows you are pregnant he is being a jerk . I got preferably 2 weeks into my new job and had a lot of time off sick in the 1stvtrimester and 3rd (spd), but everyone was lovely about it.

Can you get your Dr to give you a longer sick note (eg 2 weeks) for morning sickness so that you don’t have to ring in daily?

I’m sorry you are going through this and I know it’s so hard, but being pregnant is one of those times when you can lose control of your body and therefore your life a little bit. When you hold your little baby in your arms for the first time at the start of your mat leave you won’t give a shit about any of this. X

I would also speak to your doctor about your anxiety and mood - antenatal depression is real and could be adding an extra layer to your pre existing issues.

I can remember going back into work one Monday morning after 2 weeks off with spd (I was about thirty weeks) and by lunchtime I realised I hadn’t felt baby move that day so left work and went to the MAU to be checked. I felt guilty but my little baby’s health was all that really mattered )she was fine by the way).

Also op, is your partner looking for work? It sounds like all worries are on you at the moment xx

Thank you so much for your replies, I'm already feeling a little clearer in the head about my priorities. I have been to the doctors today, she has signed me off for a full weel, I had my first appointment with the midwife tomorrow, and I have been strongly advised to have a scan next week (roughly week 7) as there may be issues with where baby is (ectopic I think it's called?).

And yes, my partner has been applying to jobs daily, we have been to the job centre too, he has even considered going back to his old work (where he was harassed and intimidated the whole time he was off sick in the hospital). I'm a naturally stressed person, but I now feel like I can stand my ground and be sure in my conviction that baby comes first xx