Grrr - what do you SAY to these morons?

[Moorhen]

I'm 35+5 with first LO. And still in recovery from major childbirth phobia - even in tenth week was preparing to beg for elective CS. I'm OK at the moment but I still have wobbles.

People KEEP remarking on what a huge bump I've got and how massive the baby must be (and it isn't, is more that I've really only grown on the bump so it seriously sticks out). Which is no comfort when you're bricking yourself about squeezing the baby out!

And yesterday lunch hour I got the following in ten minutes flat:

1. Guy on greengrocers stall selling me my apple and then saying "FIrst one? You're gonna be in pain - PAIN!" then chortling merrily. Feckwit.

2. Cashier in Boots insisting I must be having twins. Then saying baby must be ENORMOUS. Then saying "You know what you're going to go through, right? It's agony. ABSOLUTE AGONY. I never had a second child because I just couldn't face it."

At the moment I'm just smiling weakly and being polite, then walking away and fuming. But longing to ask what the bloody hell they think they're doing. It's so insensitive!

DH (more robust than me) says I should just tell 'em to f**k off and not even try to shame them.

Anyone else get this? Any good (or funny) ways of dealing?

"GIVE ME THE DRUGS NOW"
Short, sweet and unambiguous, I like it!

Good luck with the birth, looking forward to seeing your birth announcement

I wonder if the phenomenon of commenting on how big pregnant women's bumps are is to do with general ignorance about how big a nearly fullterm or fullterm bump is supposed to be - and I think this is for two reasons. Firstly, you actually don't see fullterm pregnant women out and about all that much, so most people probably very rarely see a proper ready-to-go bump. Secondly, have you noticed that mags like Heat are always full of pictures of slebs sporting perfectly normal bumps with straplines saying "she can't be only six months! It must be twins! Or twin elephants!" When I was pg, people (mostly colleagues) kept telling me that I must be further on than I thought I was, or having twins, and it used to really piss me off because I was actually quite tidy bumpwise right up to the end.
OP, I think PandaG's suggestion is really good. I asked people not to tell me their horror stories, if they were people I knew I asked them to save the gory details until after I'd had my baby. Birth is hard work, and it does hurt (but in a really odd and rather interesting way, and not like anything else), but it's fine, and the pain relief works jolly well! The most useful thing anyone said to me was my sister who's had two "nice normal births" - she said for her birth had been two long, really interesting days, each with a beautiful baby at the end.

Just to add more anecdote re bump size not having an awful lot to do with birth weight, I was at a conference with a load of GPs on my due date, and every single one said words to the effect of 'blimey, you don't look ready to pop' because my bump was quite tidy (kind of tucked away). Ds was 8lb 7oz.

Moorhen, you may want to consider doing hypnobirthing to help with your birth phobia, drugs or no drugs it's very likely to help make the experience more agreeable.

I had mine with no drugs at all and found it just fine - but then I have a needle phobia so the idea of an epidural was enough to give me the shivers. Childbirth much, much better than having a needle stuck in your spine imo

Your baby wont necessarily be big. I had massive bumps both times and mine were 7lb 2oz and 7lb 11oz, very average.

I had an enormous bump both times and babies were 7lb and 7.7lb, but because I was all bump I looked enormous. Ignore them.
Some blokes seem to think it is highly amusing to comment on painful childbirth considering it is something they know sod all about. I just remarked that it was lucky men didn't have to do it since they are such utter pansies they couldn't cope. Generally shuts them up.

As for the pain, it is different for everyone, with DD I got to the fully dilated and pushing stage on gas and air and really didn't think it was that bad at all. (didn't get to do full childbirth so can't comment on crowning, but my sister was the same gas and air all the way). Pain relief is there if you need it and at the end of the day even if it is painful the way I looked on it was "It won't last forever"

If it was that bad why would anyone do it again?!

Awful isn't it? I have to say I'm very glad I'm not pregnant anymore as I was sick of all the comments

I had an enormous bump (check out my page to see) but my LO was 6lbs 13oz. I did have polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid) but the consultant and all the MWs told me that my baby was going to be big too - and he absolutely wasn't. So don't worry too much about the size of the baby.

I just told them I had serious pregnancy complications which is why I was so big which made people embarrassed and feel bad for commenting. It's a bit mean but I think it's bloody rude to pass comment. You could try that

My bumps were enormous too and I am fairly short and slight - I got comments from 6 months onwards about how I must be nearly due and was it twins etc. They thought they were being funny but I have to say I just ignored them! My babies were both over 9lbs and I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt but thanks to the marvels of pethedine and gas and air the births were not bad. A friend had an epidural and she said that was fab - no pain at all, she just pushed when she was told to!
I think telling them it is not helpful is a good idea and try not to worry about the birth too much - You are likely to be carrying a lot of water and there are lots of options out there for pain relief. Good luck!

Moorhen, wish this thread could cure your phobia

I dont know anyone who hasnt had these kind of comments and to my shame found them making them myself i.e "oooh wow, look at you" to others after I'd had my ds.

BUT for some people childbirth just isnt that painful. It wasnt for me and he was premature so I had no time at all to prepare mentally or physically (obviously i had the whole pregnancy LOL but I'd meant to seriously prepare when i went on maternity leave but he came before that!) Perhaps you'll be one of those people. You just dont know til you do it.

Also because this is something you're particulalry dreading, you're probably picking out these comments perhaps more than you might otherwise. What I'm saying is your bump is (probably, never having seen you) perfectly average, your labour will perhaps be bang on average and your dc may well be spot on average/ smaller than you think. I doubt people are saying this because they seriously think you;re in for a hard time.
I'd say innocnetly to the greengrocer 'd'you think it will hurt as much as this?'and then lob an apple at his goolies

I had a huge bump, baby quite big too, lovely birth one of the best days of my life. Yes painful but you get a perfect little gorgeous, kissable, adorable person out of it. I would do it again and again (if dh would let me!)
Throughout my pregnancy my manager at work commented every week on how huge I was until the week I left when she suddenly said actually you're quite small really aren't you!

Oh yes and the best thing about having a big bump that was pretty much all baby is that once the baby was out I got back to normal fairly quickly (don't hate me!)

Message withdrawn

Well my bump was tiny both times,and you wouldn't believe the number of people who said things like "ooh you're not very big, are you sure the baby is ok?". I was so tempted to reply that the baby had no legs, or no head or something...

And I've spent 2 pgs wondering/ worrying/ obsessing about childbirth and had 2 (unplanned) c-sections with no labour, so I needn't have wasted all that mental energy!

I kept getting the twin comment about how huge i was, it is very annoying! I was also constantly told i would never make it to term as i was so big. I think it was due to the fact i was am 5'3 and was a size 8 so near the end my stomach looked big really big compared to my frame. It was my first baby so i was terrified but don't worry labour isn't so bad, DD came along at 40+3 weighing 8'13 and i didnt even tear.

Honestly you will be fine, and that feeling of holding your baby for the first time is soooo amazing you wont care what has happened to get them their.

xxxxx