Being a "geriatric" mother

[doodles1234]

So I'm 17 nearly 18 weeks pregnant with my 1st child and 40 years old.

The pregnancy was not planned per say but never the less we are happy and I'm extremely surprised that I actually even got pregnant due to my advanced age.

Do any other older mum's worry about uiue advancing age and the effect on your child.

I recently read an article and it pointed out many of the social stigmas and issues faced as an older/geriatric mother.

1. Every one is concerned with risk and throws all the risks at you.
2. I worry about the effective my age on my child later in life e.g. "you'll be in your 50's when your kid goes to secondary school"
3. People are generally a bit judgey

Do these bother anyone else or is it just me?

Tia

I had this by the other way around!!

I was 19 when I fell pregnant with DD and got the same questions.

At the end of it, only you know if you're ready and when it comes to parenting, age doesn't matter. Whether your having your first in your 20s 30s or 40s it's a total life changer and you can't predict anything.

I have had dc over 4 decades!! Lots more tutting at 17 than at 43 when I had ds!!

I was 39 with DC1 and 41 with DC2. Loads of mums are about my age.

Without wishing to stereotype, I would say that I went to NCT antenatal classes and most of the mums there were over 30.

Congratulations ! Enjoy every minute!!!

I've just had my second at 45! I'm one of the oldest mums on the school run but people are kind enough to say you can't tell. I did worry about it all but it's not something I can change so just focusing on being as good a mum as I can and not thinking about being judged.

I'm 31 and the average age at our NCT was about 35. There are lots of mum's in their 40s who we are friends with at playgroups. I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal socially nowadays. I wouldn't worry, just enjoy it!! I'd recommend pregnancy classes if you are able (yoga/pilates/aquanatal etc), great way to bond with baby and meet other mum's to be and put your mind at rest.
Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy!

My mum was a “geriatric primigravida” at 26 in the sixties!

I was 35 having DD1 and had DD2 4 months ago at 39. I've never felt like an older mum. In my nct group all of the mums to be were over 30 and two of the Mums are a few years older than me. I do feel tired now with DD2 but suspect that's more because I have a very active 3 year old rather than because of my age.

I had a high risk pregnancy but that wasn't age related. To be completely honest, I can't change the age I had my children so I don't give it any thought. I think my kids would just see me as their mum - not their 'nearly 40 year old mum'.

Try not to worry and just enjoy it x

My mum was 38 when she had me - her only dc. All being well I will be almost the exact same age as she was when I have my one and only. She was by far one of the most relaxed, easy going and liberal parents at my school. She and my dad had careers and a life established before I came along so I think they had a really balanced approach to parenting. She is supremely tough and confident and a real role model for me. I hope I can be half the mum she is. Sure I knew she was older than the other mums but it was kind of rock and roll back then. She certainly never acted "geriatric" and probably would have told you off for even suggesting it.

Hope that helps :)

Your mum sounds ace @PBobs!

I'm am older mum and although I worry about the things you mention OP, I'm hardly in the minority where I live. I'm really interested in how location makes a difference. I feel ancient compared to people I went to school with 3 miles away (lots of adult kids/grandchildren, whereas I'm preggers and have a teeny toddler!) But my NCT pals range from 27 - 42, with 6 mums at 36.

Agree our antenatal group was mostly 34+ and I found this with baby groups too. Later on find a good antenatal class and you will find plenty of others your age, it really was more the norm for us!

I think location makes a huge diffeence, where I live there vast majority of people who have kids in their teens and early twenties as a generalisation.

I am @Pbobs that as an older mum ibwil l be like yours, I've done my mad holidays with the girls, mad nights and got my career in place where I'm comfortable so fingers crossed i will have the same mlre liberal outlook.

I know there are a lot more people having kids later and later so I know I'll not be the only oldie at school, it's just my nephew said to his mum, it's so embarassing all my friends mum's are 29 and your 40 (he's 8) and dad is 52 - so I've lied and told them your 26 and dad's 34 - it just made me think about the future.

Thanks everyone for your feedback and support x

I'm 27 and pregnant with my third so pretty middle of the road.

One of my mums friends got pregnant at 43 and then 45. She did an amazing job of just enjoying it and her children are starting secondary school now, they seem better adjusted than most.

I realise it's something that you're probably conscious of, but honestly you'll just be a mum like any other. Lots of the mums at the school gates have older children from previous relationships, but their children in my class are the same age as mine so I've never thought about their age, I just see us all as all in the same boat.
Best of luck in your pregnancy

I’ve just had my first 2 mths before my 38th birthday and I’ve not really encountered any negativity at all. Yes I was consultant led, but only after a midwife realised at 6 months I was 37 and made me a consultant appointment. I was officially discharged back to fhe midwives at 38 weeks when my growth scan presented normally and consultant was happy with everything.

At the antenatal classes the majority of the couples were over 30 and on my ward there was a good mix of younger and older ladies, I was not out of place or treated any differently to any of the younger mums.

There is no doubt that there are increased risk with being a bit older - but these are still very small percentages. It’s understandable if your health team want to discuss some of the risks with increased maternal age but if anyone else wants to put forward their (irrelevant and probably uneducated) opinions feel free to tell them to bugger off. Or you can smile sweetly and say My Dr is very pleased with my progress but thank you for your concern - then change the subject.
There are pros and cons to everything, being older has its perks and benefits as well as some negative sides.
I had a great pregnancy and I’m loving being a mummy, even if I have to use double the eye cream these days!
Good luck

I had Dd1 at 15
I had Dd2 at 38.
2 of the mum's in the labour ward went to school with Dd1.
I felt bloody ancient 😂😂.

@Skylucy yeah - she's pretty awesome. Even now at the ripe old age of 77 she's still goes on holidays overseas with her buddies etc. She's doing one of those Breakout/Escape Room challenges with her friends to celebrate her 77th birthday. Hahaha. That said, she's still very mummy - always was.

@doodles1234 - I am sure you'll be a great mum. It doesn't really matter the age but how ready people are and how much quality time and love they have to give.

I did worry that I would have kids for the rest of my adult life running around the house but actually my parents are in their 70s now and still enjoy many of the things that I enjoy today.

I had my first at 39 and my age wasn't mentioned at all by midwives and I was low risk. This time I'm 41 and I'm consultant led and will be induced around due date. I had an extra scan but that's all. I think I where I am it's over 40 not 35.

Hello, I'll be 39 when my first arrives in May and to be honest my take on it is that I've plenty of other things to worry about than my age! If I'm worrying about my age then I must be sitting pretty sweet! I'm more concerned about whether I'll be a good Mum, child having disabilities etc. etc. My age doesn't come into it as there is nothing I can do to change it. Please don't think I'm belittling your worries as I know everyone's minds work in different ways but that's just my take on it! xxx

I'm 41 with a 4 month old and a 3 year old. No one has raised an eyebrow or said anything. In fact both the Consultant I saw during pregnancy and my community midwife seem to think I'll be having a 3rd at some point before the menopause.

My ante-natal class with dc1 was mostly a similar age to myself and my "mum" friends range from 45 to 28 (similar aged children) but with a lot in the their late 30s/early 40s.

I've got plenty of energy, more so than some of my younger friends and am very laid back as a parent which I'm not sure I would have been 20 years earlier. Being "older" doesn't mean you will be tired all the time, I find I need less sleep now than I did in my 20s for example which is lucky really.

I’m 41 and pregnant with my third and there will be a six year gap between my (current) youngest and the baby by the time the baby arrives. I do feel old to be honest, most of my pals have how had all their babies and the thought of being on the school run for .... forever is a bit depressing! I’m currently 13 weeks but not told anyone yet apart from I did tell one friend last week (who had her youngest at 41 - he’s now 3). She told me I was crazy!

I’m 38 and having my first, I don’t feel old at all (although I suspect pregnancy would have been physically easier in my 20s!).

I have had my years of travelling, going out etc. and have built my career up so I’m not worried about missing out on anything. We are also financially secure so I’m not having to scrimp and save to afford all the baby stuff. We have a really strong mature relationship and I feel relaxed, calm and excited about being a mother - I’m sure in my twenties I’d have been terrified!

So no, I’m not worried about the effect on my child as I think I will be a much better mother now than I would have been in my twenties!

I had mine at 37 and very, very nearly 41. I have never worried about any of your concerns. They are 7 and 10 now. The only thing that worries me is that I might be in my 80s before I have any grandchildren! I certainly wasn’t the eldest first time mum amongst my baby group peers.