anyone else wish they could keep their pregnancy a secret?

[Stargazing]

I can't help it - once the in-laws and certain other people know, it kind of takes away some of the joy for me. They're so proprietary over the pregnancy and the resulting baby. And I feel so private about it, I don't want it to be "out there" for all to comment on and lay claim to. And they do lay claim to it - it's been such a sh*tfight with dd, they're always trying to make her 'all theirs" - they just don't acknowledge me as her mother at all. And now that they know about the bump, I see the same scenario unfolding. Anyone else experience this?

I haven't experienced this myself but can understand where you are coming from. When/if I get pregnant I plan to keep it quiet for the first three months (I know this can be an issue with morning sickness etc etc). I think that not only is it important that you and your other half come to terms with the news but once it is 'out there' like you say, you and your baby become public property.
As for the problem with your in laws it sounds like an awkward one but I'd say just try to rise above it. Sounds like they are jealous and needing to prove something to you. Just be proud that you are her mum and no one or nothing can change that.

thanks CG. I'm 14weeks so I guess we did well to keep it under wraps this long, huh? Would have preferred longer though!

yeah, I kind of wish I could keep it a secret for longer too... partly because I don't really like all the fussing that people do when they find out (it's really sweet...I'm just not that into it), and partly because I feel like when people find out that you're pregnant they make all kinds of assumptions about what that means for you and your future...

I'm particularly dreading that with work - having people assume that I'm going to be useless to them now because I'm pregnant... (maybe I'm wrong, but that's what I've seen happen to others).

it can be ok but as one of those mums who really didn't show except if you saw me naked it can take away some of the joy on pregnancy - people don;t realise you are pregnant and you can sometimes struggle through things that you would be assisted with if you ahd a large bump.....

I kept my first pregnancy to myself (partner and my immeadiate family knew of course) and after that with the other two partner could not keep his mouth shut (yi haa it works still!!!;-)) so there was little choice but I think I would ahve liked to have the secret myself a little longer....maybe make it to 12 weeks before he told everyone

I kept my pregnancy secret till I was 17 weeks +. I told a few friends who I knew very well. My parents and inlaws were told but told not to say anything till we felt ready (but looking back I could have not told them). My manager found out when I was 15 weeks as I needed time off work - Nobody else at work has been told and I am now 25+ they all know I am because I obviously showing and have dropped it into conversation in the last few weeks ie I will be starting maternity leave soon etc. I left it long enough for people not to be shocked and more as a confirmation that they were correct. Anybody who asked before hand I just said I wasn't and had been eating too much.

Because I didn't tell them they don't talk about it except to ask how long I have got etc.

I have found that if you keep it quiet and don't enter into conversations about it by either saying, there is a long way to go yet or just changing the subject then you can gain some control over it.

My advice to you would be you don't have to tell anyone! Nobody has a right to know (except the father) until you are ready. It is your baby, your body. I enjoyed keeping it a secret although there where time of paranoia.

Im 12 weeks and starting to show..I too dont want to tell work, I work with about 300 men, so going to get absolutley no sympathy...also I dont want them thiknking im not doing my job, although it does involve alot of entertaining..i started work yest at 6.30 and got home last night at 11.30....not good! Have scan next wek, so depending on how i feel after that, I may tel them......Close friends and family know though ....x

I have actually found that men are the most helpful as they are funny and panic incase you cry at them etc etc.

The majority of women just get excited over the baby and try to tell you what you should and shouldn't be doing, fuss and then tell you how much it will hurt etc.

So it may not be as bad as you think.

I know what you mean although I couldn't not tell anyone as I've been as sick as a dog and I'm only 10 weeks!

I'm more concerned about privacy when the baby is tiny. We were talking last night about booking our favourite cottage in Cornwall and driving down there for a week when the baby is a few weeks old but I don't know how realistic this is as it's my first. I just like the idea of having some time with just the three or us getting to know each other in beautiful calm surroundings and family miles away.

I have been like this with both my pg's. Told immediate family and, after 12 weeks, close friends, but only told the "world at large" after 20 odd weeks (other than MN!!)... I feel that my pg is very private and personal to me and dh. Two m/c (one late) also convinced me of the wisdom of keeping quiet for as long as possible...