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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and have a 5 month old - Some family don’t seem happy!

21 replies

StacyHall · 16/10/2018 16:45

Hi! I have a 5 month old boy who I absolutely adore! When I told my family I was expecting him they were absolutely over the moon! My mum has never been so excited, when I found out the other day about my second pregnancy we were obviously quite shocked but have come round to the idea, my mum said she is happy but I can just tell that she isn’t, the first thing she said was ‘why weren’t you using contraception’ not that it is anyone else’s business! I did want my children close in age, I just didn’t imagine it being this close but it’s fine I don’t mind. I just feel like some family members aren’t so happy for me this time round, maybe because of how soon it is, has anyone else had experience of this? Do they come round eventually? It’s made me feel quite embarrassed and ashamed and now I feel so guilty for feeling like that :( I want to be happy, it’s supposed to be a happy time :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Unicornandbows · 16/10/2018 16:47

Could be because you've just given birth and she might be thinking it's a lot to handle? I have no clue.. However congratulations 🎊 😍

How do you feel about it?

Original poster

StacyHall · 16/10/2018 16:53

I really want to be happy about it, I k ow they will both have a close bones being close in age but I feel like I don’t want to tell people because I’m scared of being judged :( I know I shouldn’t care what people think but I just do

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Original poster

StacyHall · 16/10/2018 16:54

Bond* not bones lol

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fulltimeworkingmotherof4 · 16/10/2018 16:55

I feel your pain, I had a 2 month out when I found out I was expecting again, the ex mil didn't speak to me until she was born. They're 9 and 10 now and I wonder how I managed when I look back but they are so close now 😊

Cherries101 · 16/10/2018 16:59

Could be for a number of reasons:

Concern for your health
There may be a member of the family who’s struggling ttc.
Thinking you’re handling first time parenthood badly / relied too much on her, so doesn’t think you can manage a second.

Have you discussed this with her?

Original poster

StacyHall · 16/10/2018 17:00

I don’t know why people are so judgemental, it just really gets to me. But now I feel bad for being so happy when I found out about my first and feeling like I don’t want to tell people about this one :( hopefully it will get better as time goes on. Glad yours are close :) must be so lovely

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OlennasWimple · 16/10/2018 17:04

Could be a whole host of reasons, including people knowing how hard it can be with two, never mind two quite so close together. Plus second time pregnancies - wrongly, IMO, as a second child.... - often don't generate as much excitement as the first

0lgaDaPolga · 16/10/2018 18:33

People can be so judgemental but if you are happy sod them.

I’m getting the same and I will have an 18 month gap which I don’t even think is that small a gap really!

I know it will be hard but I’m happy my boys will grow up close in age. People can be so negative and just focus on the bad bits. It makes me sad that no one ever says congratulations they just say things like ‘oh you’ll have your hands full’ or ‘rather you than me’

HollyBollyBooBoo · 16/10/2018 19:09

*I don't know why people are so judgemental
*
But you're being judgmental about her reaction! She is allowed to react however she wants isn't she?

Have you asked her why she's reacting like she is?

dreamyflower · 16/10/2018 19:31

I'm due my second next month. Will have an 18 month gap and experienced a bit of the same. Thankfully my parents were over the moon though. Don't let it taint your pregnancy! They will come round- probably just a shock. Think how close they will be growing up.

user1471426142 · 17/10/2018 03:03

They are probably a bit worried about how you’ll manage and whether you’ve had enough time. I suspect you’ll be knackered for a while but I’m starting to think a smaller gap is the way to go. I’ll have just under 3 years and now just as my toddler is getting more civilised (but also harder work in other ways) I’m heading black to the baby days and sleepless nights. I think getting everything done when they’re at a similar age and stage would have lots of benefits in a few year’s time. I’m sure once the baby arrives they’ll be just as excited as with number 1.

ICJump · 17/10/2018 07:18

Heck I’ve got a 4 year gap and my mum is still freaking out a bit. With my mum I think it’s becayse it’s number 3 and she only has 2. Maybe your mum is feeling like she doesn’t know how to help as she doesn’t understand

MsHopey · 17/10/2018 10:39

Do you you think it's because it's your second rather than being close in age?
DS was 12mo when we told people we were expecting again and honestly no one seemed to give a shit.
It all seemed a little "been there, done that" with a lot of them.
I told my mom on the phone because i was having bleeding and wanted some reassurance. Then when I saw her in person a few weeks later and mentioned the pregnancy she was like "oh shit, I totally forgot you was having another baby"
Everyone we've told have been unenthused. I think it's the curse of the second child.

shelly0 · 17/10/2018 10:43

@StacyHall does she help you out a lot with your current child ? Maybe she's worried she will have to look after second a lot or something

Original poster

StacyHall · 17/10/2018 10:52

No she lives in a different town to me she loves her grandchild he is her world. She has only ever looked after him twice as I do not rely on anyone, me and my partner are doing fine. I think she is just as shocked as I am maybe. I have spoken to her she said she is happy but said my first will always be special because he was her first grandchild, but will love this baby Just the same.

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Original poster

StacyHall · 17/10/2018 10:54

MsHopey - Yes possibly, I suppose people do get really excited with your first child then the novelty wears off! It’s a shame really

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myotherbagisgucci · 17/10/2018 11:16

My DC1 is nearly 10 months old and I'm 19 weeks pregnant with DC2.

Although our family acted "happy" when we announced our news, it wasn't the same reaction as we'd received with DC1.

DC2 was planned as we always wanted two close together and they knew this. But TBH, I'm not really that bothered that they're not overjoyed as DH and I are absolutely thrilled.

I wouldn't let your family get you down, once baby has arrived, they'll adore their new grandchild and all will be forgotten. Xx

chloechloe · 17/10/2018 11:28

Congratulations! I don’t have such a small gap but my MiL was distinctly unimpressed when we announced we were having a third. There is 21m between 1 and 2 and will be 23m between 2 and 3, so 3 under 4. I’m 34w now and still haven’t forgiven her!

I think it’s partly down to the fact it isn’t our first child so there is less excitement. But it’s mainly because she thinks we won’t cope as we’re already in her eyes struggling with two ( totally not the case!)

I know it’s disappointing but at the end of the day it’s just how you as parents feel that counts.

jamespond · 17/10/2018 12:28

Maybe she's just a bit worried about how you'll cope and your health having two so close together, it's a lot to take on! But really if they're not providing financial support or regular childcare it doesn't really affect them and is none of their business really.

inabox · 17/10/2018 13:46

I got pregnant again when DC1 was just under a year, had a similar reaction. Happy but a bit 'what you gone and done that for?'.

A think it's partly because the news is a bit old hat, first pregnancy announcement much more exciting!

Other part is just your mum probably knows there's some hard work coming up for you / her!

Don't worry, it will be fine. 🙂

Newbie21 · 19/10/2018 23:42

My sister and I are 13 months apart and we are so close. I think it was hard for the first 6 months but my mum says you just get on and learn to cope and when we got older and played together from a very early age it made things so much easier. I think you have given your children a wonderful gift having them so close so don't feel bad or embarrassed. I hope your pregnancy goes well. I'm sure your mum is just worried about you - the first few months are tiring and being pregnant can be exhausting, I'm sure she is just thinking of you.

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