Complicated work situation

[DJjb]

Hi all, not sure this is a situation anyone can help with but I feel pretty lost for the best thing to do. I am only 5 weeks today and DH and I both want to keep the news under wraps until 12 weeks BUT I work as a technician in a clinical (hospital) laboratory so there are lots of very toxic chemicals and samples (of human origin) which I must avoid. It is a daily part of my job that I come into contact with them. I need to tell my line manager but she will give the game away (even if not directly she is so indiscreet) and if I start avoiding certain tasks everyone will pick up on it and know what’s going on immediately. I’ve used a range of excuses already but I can’t keep it up much longer. Do I just tell my manager and hope she doesn’t let slip? How did anyone else deal with colleagues probing questions?

In all honesty it doesn't sound as though you've got much chance of hiding it.

Your manager should keep it confidential, it would be very wrong if she discussed it with anyone, but it sounds as though everyone will guess anyway?

If anyone asks directly, just say that it's not something you wish to discuss at the moment.

OhLemons thank you for your response. I think you are right. It was a relief to just write it all out as it has been weighing on me and I’ve had no one to discuss it with.

I also kept it hidden at work but I work in a normal office environment. It was more about hiding that I wasn't drinking alcohol and trying to not look as rough as I felt! 😂 In all honesty, people did suspect (they have since admitted!) but no one actually asked. I think it's common knowledge that you don't just ask people?! If you wanted them to know you would tell them. That was my experience anyway. I don't think it is something you can ever hide 100% and people will suspect. If anything was to ever go wrong, there suspicions would be proved "wrong" and forgotten about. On the flip side, you can laugh about it and admit they were right when you feel comfortable enough to share the happy news! I had a friend at work who I told other than my line manager and that really helped. My first pregnancy I lost at 10 weeks and they also knew the first time too. It helps to have someone know your secret I found, whatever happens. They also can help you hide things and dodge particular situations!

If you need to avoid materials that you would work with as part of your normal role, you’d be best just biting the bullet and telling your manager.

They’re obliged to complete a risk assessment when you notify them of your pregnancy, and they can’t help limit any risk if they don’t know you’re pregnant.

You could speak to your manager, request the risk assessment and make it clear that you need this to be kept confidential until you are comfortable announcing the news yourself- she would be very foolish not to follow your lead on this. Follow up with an email confirming what you’ve discussed and mention again that it’s essential that she keeps it to herself.

Thank you for the good advice everyone. I will be speaking to my manager this afternoon.

I'm sure that you are actually required to tell your manager in a job like that. I work as a career and had to ensure that anyone that I worked with was aware

I work in a similar role and have had to go down to reduced duties each time and found that even people who suspected were good enough to keep quiet. It does feel weird, telling your manager before close family though! As pp says your employer needs to do a risk assessment and they can't do that if they don't know

Thanks again all for the responses. I am actually the H&S officer for the lab so I am responsible for the risk assessment. (I have done loads for colleagues so know exactly what I can and can’t do). I have spoken to my manager and begged her to have the utmost discretion. If the rumours start I will know who to blame.

To be honest I've never really understood why folk wait. I get terrible sickness so I told work at 4 weeks this time as I was already getting nauseous. I get that people worry that things might go wrong but for me I would rather everyone knew so they knew if I were upset etc. Clearly just a personal thing but I would tell them.

I told work pretty much straight away with both pregnancies. Protection against discrimination doesn’t kick in until after the employee tells their employer they’re pregnant. I didn’t want to be penalised for any potential pregnancy related sickness by telling them I was off with a bug when it was actually morning sickness or have to lie to get a specific time off to attend my booking appointment.

That being said, we don’t know the culture in OP’s workplace and it might make more sense for her to keep it on the DL.