Smoking:(

[JJR17]

My baby is due in December, and my boyfriend and I both currently live separately and with our parents, but are planning on moving in to a house together around March next year. Until then, my house will basically be the 'base'. But we may stay at his mum's with the baby sometimes too until we find our own place.
His mum smokes in the house. She doesn't really when I'm there anymore, but there are bags of baby clothes for our son in the house and they absolutely stink of smoke because they've basically been soaking in it for weeks, and will continue to until he's born...
I already had an awkward confrontation when having to deal with the issue of her smoking in the house when I was there, and it's really not my place to say I don't want her to smoke in the house when I'm not there! Am I being too strict about it?:( sorry for the long post:/

Can't you move the clothes to your house and wash them all ? I would mention to not smoke around the clothes but then you could just not leave them there

I think you'll have to stay at your house tbh.

You can't take a baby to a smoking house, and you can't really enforce rules on her in her own home.

I meant that the clothes are at his house for when we stay there with the baby. Sorry for confusion!,
Also they don't open any doors or Windows or anything while they're smoking so the clothes are literally soaking it all up constantly... And even if I took them home and washed them they'd only end up back at the house again anyway as they're there so we don't have to bring loads from mine:/ x

It must be awful but I agree with the above that you can't enforce rules as a guest in her home.

Exactly:/ to be honest I probably won't feel like hauling him round anyway in the first few months before we move out... really don't want to have to deal with another awkward encounter with her over smoking !
Thanks everyone x

I'd not leave anything there. I used to smoke, in the garden and not very much. Was careful not to around DD. When I stopped, about 3 weeks later I got some clean leggings out from DD's spares drawer and I could smell smoke on them. That shows just how easily smoke gets into clothes.

I'd hazard a guess those clothes will need a good few washes to get it out if at all.

Also, you do get used to carting clothes around with babies and small children.

I know it's not ideal but I think the only thing you can do is take the clothes home, wash them, and then take what you need over there as and when you need it.

That would also give you a better excuse to not have to take your baby to sleep over there if you don't want to, because she will smoke in the house with the baby there I'm sure, you can say you just haven't got all the stuff there and it's not worth dragging it all around.

Alternatively, could your DP not keep it away in his room with the door shut? Might not stop it completely but would help?

I’m in almost an identical circumstance to you! My baby is due in December and me and my partner are living apart with our parents until then. My mum smokes but while I’m around she smokes outside and luckily doesn’t smoke very heavily. If I’m honest, I used to be a smoker and I really don’t understand why people can’t just go outside! Built up smoke is rancid inside a house and truely stinks. Do you have a car/ garage/ attick that you could stick them in until baby arrives?

Oh and congratulations! I’m due on the 5th of December, when are you due?

This is a difficult one, as people have said you can't really enforce rules in her home. But why would she want her grandchildren in a house that is filled with smoke?
I would take the clothes, wash them all several times and take what you need as and when.

I'm an ex smoker and I would never want or expect anyone never mind their children to sit in my house if I smoked in it. Which, apart from having children myself is why I always smoked outside. Even as a smoker I hated houses that people smoked in. I saw it as it was my choice to smoke but I shouldn't force my habbit and smells on everyone else.

The only thing I can suggest is speaking to her about it and see if you can come to an agreement or I would stay at your mum's over night and just visit (a bit like you would if you had your own place).

My MIL is a big smoker and she was told outright by DH and his Dsis if she wanted to look after any of her grandkids she cannot smoke in her house. You can smell it a mile away and we would've known immediately. She loves her grandkids loads and loves their company staying over as she lives alone. She now completely smokes outside even with the kids not there. There's no stench in her house. But it did take a while for it to sink in. If she asks why you don't bring baby to stay I would be totally honest with her or get BF to tell her. It's up to her if she wants to go outside or not have her GC stay over at all.

We have a similar problem too
Currently live accross from inlaws. They've been smoking heavily in the house for around 30 years so you can imagine it stinks. No windows open etc. First few weeks of pregnancy I was sick everytime i walked in because if the stench. We stayed with them before I fell pregnant for 3 weeks. Was supposed to be for 6 months to save money until we sorted our house move. But in that time DD whos 4 got asthma so bad that we ended up for a few weeks in hospital. Even now her lungs are buggered if she gets a cough or cold she can't shake it and struggles to breathe and it all because if the smoke she inhaled in that time we stayed there, I feel so guilty. Anyway we started putting baby stuff over there and then it dawned on me about the smoke seeping into the pram, cot etc. I took it all out and have it in mine now same with clothes. Personally if you can keep them at yours do, just keep washing and line dry to get the smell out. I said once DS is here I will not be going round to theirs as they won't cut down the smoking. They can come to ours but again no smoking. If a 4 year old can damage their lungs from it then god knows what it'd do to a newborn.i think once he's here you'll find you won't need stuff at theirs so id take it all now. I thought the same with my parents and never actually used any of the stuff at theirs as I always brang the changing bag with me which had about 10 outfits in it anyway so I think you'll manage not having clothes there

It's a SIDS risk factor. I would not let your baby stay there and wash all the clothes befofe your baby wears them. Xx

My lo was born 10 weeks early and we were told that he wasn't even allowed to be held by anyone who had been smoking at all. Because she was keen to look after him my MIL quit before he came home from the hospital. I'm not sure if it would work for a term baby but it's certainly worth having a conversation with your MIL about the risks of second hand smoke, even on people's clothes, skin and hair. I'm really hoping this baby comes on time but even so I will still not allow him/her to be held by anyone who smokes unless they've got changed, brushed their teeth and had a shower.

It’s such an awkward situation, but I just want to reiterate what a pp said about the SIDS risk. It’s apparently the biggest risk factor and my midwife told me when I was expecting Ds that if someone has been smoking they shouldn’t even hold a newborn for at least an hour after as thats how long it takes to stop nicotine leaching out of their skin (sounds gross I know).

My MIL was a heavy smoker at the time and I told her that the baby wouldn’t be visiting her house unless she quit. And that when she came to ours she would have to wait an hour after a cigarette to hold him.

She quit. It was tough but it’s literally a case of life and death for your baby. I would never have forgiven myself if I’d avoided the conversation because it was awkward and something had happened to my son...

I might be a nightmare DIL but my MIL and her partner have always smoked indoors. They didn't open windows or doors as "why have the heating on to let it all out."
I've frequently had coughs after visiting but when we found out I was pregnant we told them straight away (like 5 weeks pregnant) and it was pretty much an ultimatum, start smoking outside or we won't visit, not while pregnant and not with the baby.
DH is close with his mom but the baby was 100% our priority.
You might be a guest in their house, but you can choose not to be.
We would have either had to come up with a public place or they would have had to visit us but we weren't taking any chances.
Thankfully she listening to us and pretty much straight away started smoking outdoors, even though it was a but awkward.
SIL and BIL who live with MIL found out they were pregnant 15 weeks after us and were glad we'd already put our foot down and made it easier for them to have the same treatment, especially as their baby actually lives in the house full time.
Going outside for a cigarette is literally second nature for them now and I am grateful they listened (with a little bit of "it never hurt any of you lot").
It's definitely a better environment for all involved.

I am definitely not taking him there if she's still smoking in the house or has been for a certain amount of time before we get there. My mum lost my oldest sister to SIDS/cot death at 3 months old, so it's very important to me to eliminate every possibility of it for my son. I just feel really uncomfortable about having to take all of the clothes home and wash them or anything because I really don't want her to get the impression that I think less of her or anything because of it, as I used to smoke heavily before I was pregnant and had no problem sitting in the house then, but since I've quit it's just been torture. She doesn't smoke IN the house when I'm there now (As far as I'm aware) but she does sit in the kitchen with the door closed and the back door open, which is still basically in the house and doesn't make any difference ! I think I'll just have to be strict when the time comes. This is too important to me and I'd rather her hate me for doing what's best for my child than let her do what she likes and risk his health or even life.
Thank you so much everyone x