Hen do when baby is 6-8 weeks old

[Monopo1y]

I'm due to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends who is due to get married in March. She is thinking of having a hen do in February. I'm currently pregnant and due at Xmas. I'm already so worried about staying away overnight but this is what I think she has in mind. DH will probably be able to get time off work for the two day or I have supportive parents that would help.

She was my bridesmaid and came to my hen 18 months ago so I feel I'd be letting her down if I didn't go. She isn't a parent yet so I'm not sure she'd understand how I'm going to feel. Am I worrying too much? Is it likely that the baby will be fine without me so soon?

Has anybody else been in a similar situation or has any advice on what they'd do?

I'm in a similar situation. I'm due in Feb and have a best friends wedding in April which is quite far away and would usually require an overnight stay. I already know that when I have my daughter I won't want to leave her so soon so have told my friend I'll try and make the ceremony but then head back. Is there any chance you could go for a few hours or for a quick drink just to show your face or is it too far away?

I was in the same situation earlier this year; my baby was 9 weeks old. I ended up going along to the hen do for the day but I found it really difficult being away from my new baby. As I’m breastfeeding, I had to express milk before and during the event as well as getting the baby used to the bottle (I was lucky, she took to it fine). That would be something to consider if you are planning to BF.

Also, there were 2 other guests with young babies. Both came along for a couple of hours only. One’s husband and baby watched us do the activity. Neither of those babies would take a bottle.

Can you delay the decision until your baby is here? As it’s impossible to know how you’ll feel, both physically and mentally. Although I did make it to the hen do, I didn’t really enjoy it! I just did so out of loyalty to my friend, but I think sometimes you need to put yourself and your baby first.

I emotionally could have done a day and evening but probably not over night.

I couldn't have though as DS was ebf and wouldn't take a bottle. I was also very physically damaged by the birth and wouldn't have been up for it, but no way to know that before hand!

She isn't a parent yet so I'm not sure she'd understand how I'm going to feel.

Don’t underestimate your friend. If she knows you and cares about you she’ll listen to you and want to understand. Even if they haven’t got children, most people get that leaving a very small baby is hard.

There’s honestly no right or wrong thing here, everyone feels differently and if you don’t want to go that’s absolutely fine. You could still be involved with the planning and maybe send something to be opened by her on the her do or Skype then if you don’t end up going.

Good luck with whatever you decide (which doesn’t have to be anything right now).

I agree that it is very hard to know until the baby is here. It depends on so much - how your birth is, what kind of baby you have, if you are BF or FF.

Personally, as BF didn’t work out for me and mine was FF at 8 weeks, I could have done it and felt emotionally able to do it, although only for a special occasion.

I think the important thing is that you don’t have pressure to go, whether from yourself or your friend. I would just talk to her and explain, and I am sure she will understand. I had two of my BM not come to my hen do for child related reasons, and I had planned and put huge effort into their hens. I was obviously disappointed but I totally understood - someone has to prioritise their baby over a party.

I would say if you can’t or don’t feel you want to go, you could consider taking her for lunch or afternoon tea or something instead to show that you do want to make a fuss of her.

Good luck whatever you decide

I definitely wouldn't have been able to do it. The first time I left DS was to go to my best friends engagement party for a couple of hours when he was 5 months old. He was ebf and completely refused a bottle so maybe that impacted things, but I know I wasn't emotionally ready until then to leave him anyway.

As you can see it's a mixed bag and you really won't know until baby is here. It'll all work out I'm sure and perhaps you'll manage an afternoon or evening part of it at least :) I'm sure your friend will understand.

I know everyone is different but I wouldn't have done it. Personally 6-8 weeks was when I felt my crappiest.

I went to a close friend's hen do when DD was 8 weeks old and left her with DH. I went for the day but drove back in the evening while the other hens stayed overnight. DD was fine. She was breastfed and I'd never managed to get her to take a bottle before, but when she got hungry enough she took one!

Same position here. Hen weekend booked for end april. Baby due feb so will be about 10 wks old. I plan to breast feed. But even if she takes bottle im not sure I will be ready to leave her. Its hard to know what to do. I am a single parent too which makes things harder. I am going to judge near the time. But I am 90% sure I wont be going.

I did it. Baby was 8 weeks old and I went away for nearly 24 hours. He was BF and was fine. I must say I woke up at 6:30 am and was on the 9 o'clock train home!!!

Everyone's different, but I doubt I'd have been able to do it even if I wasn't BF. If you are planning to BF don't rely on being able to express.

For me the best option would be to go, but bring your husband or Mum and have him/her stay in a hotel room with the baby on hand.

I did it for 2 nights with an 8 week old and I had a great time whilst DH looked after the baby. Up to you whether you want to though, I’m sure your friend would understand if it’s too soon. If it’s close to home and you don’t have to commit to booking flights perhaps you could confirm you’re attending the day, pay for the accommodation but say you’ll decide once baby is here whether or not you’ll stay over?

I wouldn't do it, especially if you're planning on breastfeeding. It takes a good 4-6 weeks to fully get into the swing of things with it, the early days can be quite sore. I wouldn't be putting the added pressure on off having to express enough to do while you're away, and that's expecting your baby to be fine with taking EBM in a bottle (mine point blank refused).

I went for a meal out with my DH about 6 wks after my youngest was born and he screamed the place down when left with my MIL. We had only had a drink, not even food and we had to come home. He wasn't even hungry, he just wanted his Mummy.

You could have a baby that's totally grand with you being away, but I know none of mine would have been. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't want the pressure of it.

A true friend would understand, and it's probably easier for them when they're working out who owes what and numbers for the Hen if you say no now, rather than pull out last minute.

I wouldn’t have been able. Even if you bottlefeed don’t underestimate how physically exhausted you will likely feel. I appreciate she was at your hen etc but oh well people’s lives move at different rates. Honestly I’d tell her you’re not sure how you will feel so count you out of things that require absolute numbers/ a deposit etc but if you feel up to it you will perhaps join for a meal/ drink etc.

I would say now that you won’t manage an overnight so that if she is really keen to have you attend she will take it into account when deciding what to organise.
I went on my sisters overnight hen do when ds was 9 months old and it was a bit sooner than I would have preferred.

I wouldn't have managed this, and I wouldn't expect it of a friend. My SIL came to my hen when her (bottle fed) baby was 6 weeks, but only for a few drinks in the evening and it was in the same city where she lived. I was impressed she managed that much.

I think it would be really nice if you were able to make some of it, but don't expect to be able to do more than a token few hours. If DH can come along and hang out with baby somewhere so you can pop off to feed as needed, that will probably be the easiest way to manage?
I hope your friend does understand that leaving a tiny baby like that is rarely an option...

I couldn't have done it. EBF, bottle refuser, we had a crisis when I had a 2 hour dental appointment never mind a weekend away. Feeding issues aside, I was far too tired and emotional to enjoy a weekend on the lash, I'd have wanted to be in bed by 10 and enjoy the night of freedom if it had ever been possible!

I think if she's a good friend she'll understand that you can't commit right now.

There was a thread on a similar scenario a while ago - you may find the answers useful:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3279534-AIBU-Hen-Weekend-and-12-week-old