Shopping/decision making/budgeting

[peachesarenom]

Currently failing at all three!

1. I think most baby boy clothes are ugly, I don't want my boy wearing old man colours or styles so I'm fussy.

1. I trapsed around the whole highstreet today to buy plain white vests! Primark, next, h&m, debenhams, boots and m&s. Nothing was soft enough in my opinion. I eventually bought the m&s ones as my poor mum could hardly stand anymore.

1. Apparently I have form, when I was little I would every year do the same in search for the perfect pink frilly dress to wear on my birthday. Since turning 18, it has always been a short red one!

1. A couple of days ago I took at least 2 hours of the assistants time choosing a nappy bag!

1. I've started mat leave early, because work eww! So my money is gonna run out sharpish. Eventhough I really want to be careful with my money I just want my baby to have the best. I spent £55 (50%) off on a nappy bag when I'd already been given a functioning but uggo one. I spent £25 on sophie la giraffe things. I just spent £24 on a penguin pram suit!!! It was just too cute!

I'm 35, I thought I'd be a 'proper' grown up by now!!!

Help!!!

Does sound like a mixture of impulse buying and then being overly fussy. However, you're being fussy on necessities like babygrows which baby will go through loads and needs - and then spending loads of stuff that actually isn't going t affect their health/development. Make better choices.

However - I say this. As long as the necessities are set up and in place, for instance the nursery is move in ready, you've got things like breast feeding stuff (if needed) got baby monitor, pram, car seat, thermometers,... basically all the stuff which is going to ensure baby is safe and healthy. If that's all been bought, then it's your money, spend the £24 on a one off occasion.

Also: sell the second hand bag for money if you're not going to use it now, don't just let it sit in the wardrobe

Buy second hand from eBay. My LO is 7 weeks old and has barely anything new because she'll literally wear it once and grow out of it. Vests not soft enough??? Wash them yourself in fabric conditioner and they'll be fine. I think you need to be a little less immature and materialistic especially about children's stuff because you could literally bankrupt yourself buying things and still realise once baby is born that you actually want something different now you're using it. As for 'work ewww'.. You're coming across as a spoilt brat.

In terms of clothes etc, we've found some lovely stuff on Ebay (including lots unused with tags still on) and depending where you live posh charity shops can be full of amazing things. I have very sensitive skin so I'm quite fussy about texture, but we've found lots of really soft, organic cotton bits from non-highstreet brands that we wouldn't have been able to afford new. On the high street, John Lewis, Zara and h&m conscious range do some soft organic cotton stuff. The boys'/unisex stuff in store can be a bit limited compared to girls', so have a look online. There's plenty of choice out there in various styles, from Scandi brights to traditional looking stuff - work out which brands or styles you like using Pinterest or similar and then search for those.

I think it's fine to choose a few special bits, but as pp said, try to prioritize and set a budget if finances won't allow you to keep spending so freely. It would be a shame to have to cut short your mat leave and time at home with him because you'd over spent on sleepsuits he'll wear just a few times. The newborn phase will be over fast and there will be more things you'll want and need to get.

It’s all very well having an attractive nappy bag, but if that means you can’t pay your bills on maternity leave or it means you have to go back to work before you’re ready then it’s not going to be that much good to you!
You need to prioritise and make purchases accordingly. Some things are worth spending a bit more money on, some things aren’t.

@peachesarenom I see exactly where you’re coming from with wanting the best for baby because I was adamant I was going to buy all things good quality and pretty.. I’ve since talked myself down from this and realised that the baby is going to more than likely stain clothes with poo, vomit, milk etc so realised I was being a bit daft and would rather spend money on a first family holiday or days out once baby is older.
I have found that matalan have lovely baby clothes and a massive range of choices for boys and at a much cheaper price than these other shops.
Surely noticing the problem of overspending on baby is a good start to realising you don’t need to spend so much 🤞🏼.

You come across as very immature, 'uggo' 'work eww' , I can be indecisive about baby things so tend to browse online at my leisure rather than drag anyone around the high street, this is because I want to get value for money. Also such a shame you're prioritising time off work now because you don't like it and would rather go shopping than using as much as you can after the birth to spend with your baby, I understand when people have to take early mat leave for health reasons but 'eww work' is not one. Babies are not toys to be dressed up, they are people to be loved and spend time with. If you can afford it, spend what you like, but how can you risk not paying bills or having to go back to work early, for the right bag or toys? I'm sure you're baby would rather have a warm, safe roof over their head and a mother not stressed out and feeling obligated to go back to work asap than a Sophie la giraffe toy.

I have personally never commented on a thread by commenting on the op's maturity level or ability to pay bills, some of you are very odd and mean spirited.

I mean it about baby boys clothes, why should a baby have to wear the same styles as old man navy. Thank you LeeMiller I've found your suggestions super helpful. I'm a huge fan of scandi stuff.

I'm 35 and have been working all my life, I'm not generally a big spender, that's why I spend ages deliberating over purchases. FYI, most of my purchases have been sale items. As I'm getting closer to arrival date I've had to buy some things full price. I do have a bit of a thing about second hand gear as I am a younger sibling and have had hand me downs all my life.

When it comes to my work and mat leave, not that it's any of your business, but I had a mc christmas last year, despite only telling the top boss, over 100 people at work knew about it, it's not much fun knowing and seeing people gossip about you while no one comes over to provide comfort. It's also not great coming back from holiday to people checking out my bump to see if I'm still pregnant. It took me at least two years to get pregnant too due to pcos. I've had several scares this pregnancy too, fearing another mc several times. I've also had a hospital stay and mri due to severe blurred vision. This is why I can't shop on the internet, it's bad for my eyes. Suffice to say work have not been kind. I take 2 injections every day. One which is very painful. I'm on early mat leave to hopefully ensure I get a live kicking and screaming baby home this time.

To say this baby is incredibly precious to me is a bit of an understatement. I'm worried that he's due around the time of my mc. I'm worried that he's due when it'll be very cold. I want him to be comfy and warm.

I didn't go into any of this in my original post because I wanted advice on making decisions quicker and budgeting.

Thank you Username90 and sirmione16 your messages were very kind and helpful.

Those of you who find it easy to criticise and be so openly hostile need to think carefully about how you relate to others. You're not good people.

I think 90% of the clothes I’ve purchased have been sale items that I’ve bought out of season. So I’ve managed to get some of the gorgeous Scandi stuff really cheap. She’s already completely kitted out for next summer! It does help I live in Spain so the seasons are a lot more predictable and it’s easier to do this.

I completely get what you are saying though about wanting the best things for your first as I feel the same about wanting everything perfect! I have just made sure I’ve done loads of research before big purchase to make sure that the more pricier things I’ve got are definitely worth it by reading review after review after review.

With all due respect OP, you said this...

So my money is gonna run out sharpish. People who commented on your finances were doing so because you said that in your OP. No one was to know that actually money isn’t a problem.
I’m sorry about your miscarriages and your worries. I hope you have a smooth pregnancy from now on.

You have to disconnect 'what's best for baby' from 'what's best for me' (or more 'what do I want'). Things like the nicer-looking nappy bag, more fashionable baby clothes: they aren't for the baby. They're for you. There's nothing wrong with buying things for you, but when you're on a budget then you should be able to recognise when things are really 'for the baby' and when they are just 'for you' so you can prioritise. Especially if you are off work early and therefore not going to have as much time with baby after the birth or money to do things.

You can often get things cheaper online and you don't have to be the one to buy or research them. If you find things you like in the shops, ask someone to help you price up the same things online. I very rarely buy things on the high street without checking prices online first.

I think choosing and shopping for baby bits can be a way of bonding with your unborn baby and making it feel real. I'm sure with hindsight and experience these things seem less important and in the middle of the night you're just happy if there's a clean sleepsuit to hand, but for me researching things that will be most useful and finding some nice bargains too has been helpful.

If you can't see to look online maybe ask a friend or your partner to help you shortlist? You could also order and return stuff, if you're strict about setting a spending limit in advance so you're not tempted to keep it all! eBay saved searches are really handy, and Lots of places will have discount codes if you sign up for the newsletter, or an outlet/sale section. If you like Scandi stuff you might also like British brands like Frugi, little green radicals, Boden. I've inherited a load of hand-me-downs and that stuff, along with Petit bateau and Polarn o pyret, seems to have washed the best and still feels and looks lovely though my baby will be the 3rd/4th wearer!