33 weeks and feeling horrible

[Redrosebelle]

I should start by saying I’m finishing work next week. I’m a nurse. I’ve been put on desk duties after a couple of bleeds and been diagnosed with SPD. So different to my last pregnancy which I sailed trough. The worst thing though are my emotions. I’m being really irrational. Everything is upsetting me. My 3 year old son having a tantrum feels like my heart is breaking for him. When he goes to bed at night I’m eaten by guilt that I’ve been a rubbish mom. I can hardly take him anywhere whereas previously we were very active. He seems happy but I shouted earlier and made him cry. Running out of butter has made me cry. Not knowing what I want to eat and being hungry has made me cry. I feel like a shadow of the person I was, and I want to feel better! I’m also struggling hugely with the fact that I may not love the new baby as much as I love my son. It will be our second baby and we went through a period of not thinking we could have other children. We were undergoing investigations when I got pregnant naturally. Then I feel guilty for the new baby because he deserves a mom who loves him. And I feel guilty for my son who will be going from an only child to sharing me. Everything is worrying me - how will I cope? What if this or that happens? I’m sure these are irrational thoughts caused by hormones but I just really needed to type it all out somewhere. Thanks for reading x

Just wanted to drop in and give you a hug! I honestly could have written this myself, all of your worries about having a second I'm sharing. Including the regular tears and not coping with things - I shouted at DD1 today. I felt utterly, utterly dreadful, but it was so spontaneous I didn't even see it coming. I'm getting worse the closer I get.
I also have pre existing anxiety which got dreadful in my last pregnancy too - none of that helps the closer we get to the end. I'm also bang on 33 weeks and it simultaneously feels like a really long way away (i've not even considered getting out the cot, washing clothes or packing a hospital bag yet) and yet it feels so imminent! Each passing day I feel like my DD is losing something! Bloody hormones!

One thing I've found REALLY helpful, both in my last pregnancy (when I was signed off at 32 weeks for mental health issues) and in this one, is hanging out with newborns. Ive a couple of friends with new babies and have arranged to see as much of them as possible over the next few weeks. Seeing them reminds me how much I am looking forward to it despite all the fear and upset. I love seeing my DD's excitement at the sight of a baby and it reminds me how much I loved (and still love) DD once she arrived, despite having all the same fears that I wouldn't bond.

It might also be worth getting in touch with your perinatal mental health team, if you haven't already. I've signed myself off from them in this pregnancy, but I am getting CBT on the HNS and am starting to try and engage with an online hypnobirthing course. Best of luck - we can do this - it will be fine, for both our kids and for us! It's just a bit of a rocky few weeks ahead!

Ladies I'm there with you! 36 weeks now and super emotional and cranky and alternating between snapping at ds1 and being all over him and can't stop giving him cuddles because I feel guilty about being grumpy and/or worrying about how hell adapt to the new arrival. Haven't had a proper night sleep in months so I look like shit. Piling on the extra weight cos the tiredness keeps me reaching for the carbs and sugar and poor DP is getting little to no conversation out of me unless it's to complain about something, just do not feel like myself at all! So much harder 2nd time round and the end of pregnancy is SO CRAP 😭

@bella1426 .... oh my god, I hear you on the food and the sleep! Tell me about it! I can't stop eating and drinking rubbish. All day! I'm terrified of weighing myself and keep saying "I'll eat better once baby is here" but the evidence isn't looking too good!
DD1 waking in the night isn't even as issue anymore either as I'm already awake, it just interrupts my audiobook listening and pointless phone game playing

Glowing in pregnancy... lmao!

Not to mention the extra calories eaten at night when I'm wandering the house with a dose of the mad awakes at 3am 😭 my only solace is that I was the same on DS1 and lost it during mat leave with healthy eating and loads of long walks with the buggy. Eating is literally my only pleasure these days with wine, sex and workouts all off the menu, I'm just destined to be a fat pregnant person! Look on the plus side were getting good training in for the night feeds, won't be too much of a shock to the system!

Thanks so much for your replies all f you
It’s so nice to know others are feeling the same and some of your posts have even made me smile. I cried when dh came home and he’s taken our little one out for a walk outside so I can lie on the sofa for twenty minutes. Hopefully I’ll feel better once I’ve finished work!

Aw you definitely will, I finished up last week and have noticed a big difference on the days I manage to get a nap in, just need to remind myself to slow down and actually do it! Working at this stage is very hard, you're at the toughest bit just before you finish up x

I'm feeling similar. I'm 32 weeks and just can't take much more of the exhaustion I'm tired all the time. I was sobbing yesterday morning as I've just had enough.

I also don't feel myself personality and looks wise i just feel disgusting.

Can't wait to have my baby.

I do feel really alone and seeing your post made me realize I'm not. Sorry your feeling this way to. Xx

Hello! I'm 32+3 and feeling the same. Emotional and misunderstood and so guilty about bringing a sibling into my DD's world when it was just me and her for the first 3 years of her life (this is DP's 1st baby) and just overwhelmed.

I've got very severe spd so am on crutches, can't walk and am just finding everything so so hard. Its such a relief I'm not alone!!!

I can't whinge in real life because everyone just says 'oh I loved being pregnant' or 'enjoy the time before you've got 2 to worry about!' And I'm so over it 🙄

I've no advice only to ask OMG are you me!!! I could have written this. I've been putting a lot of it down to being anaemic though