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Original poster

What’s a good age gap between children?

25 replies

mariinaa · 03/10/2018 10:43

I have a 8 month old babygirl and we are thinking about having another baby,
Is it too early? Should we wait to try for another one when my daughter turns 1?
I was going to wait 4 years but I think it might be too much of an age gap. Someone I know have a 2 month old & 2.5 yr old and they said the earlier the better as because of how exhausting it is having a newborn, they don’t give the 2.5 yr old as much attention as they should be and he is at an active age. Not sure whether to wait or have babies close together..

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mumofmunchkin · 03/10/2018 10:50

I think all age gaps have benefits and downsides. I had a 2 year gap between my first two - it was so hard when I had a newborn and a toddler, but now that they are older they are amazingly close and I love the bond they have, and they are into similar stuff so days out are easy. When the next one is born, my current two will be 3.5 and 5.5. I'm hoping the newborn days will be easier (I will only have one in nappies for one thing!), but at the same time the bigger age gap may mean it's harder for them to play together (although that's probably as much personality dependent as age dependent).

Thesearmsofmine · 03/10/2018 10:52

There is no perfect gap. Personally I much preferred a 3 year gap, it was much easier than having two under two.

KoshaMangsho · 03/10/2018 10:57

Depends. I think it’s right that the 2 year gap is v hard to start with but gets easier later. We wanted a 3 year gap. We have a 5 year one. It’s lovely. DS1 is a kind and considerate big brother who loved looking after his baby sibling. They are now 2 and 7 and while it is hard to always find things for both to do, DS1 loves doing more ‘baby’ things that he wouldn’t otherwise. Plus he’s old enough to read to his big brother and give me a break. DS2 adores his big brother. Absolutely adores him. It is v cute.

It is hard though to do days out that both enjoy.

WelshMammy123 · 03/10/2018 10:59

I'm not sure there's a perfect age gap. There's pros and cons to both to my mind. We started ttc#2 when dd1 was 1 but had a few losses before DD2 came along. We now have a 3.5 year age gap and I love it. DD1 is old enough to fully understand she has a sister and what that means and is able to have responsibility for little jobs to help me with DD2. I can also reason with dd1 when she's finding things hard or when I need a bit of space to feed DD2 etc. What's right for one won't be right for someone else but I'm sure whatever you decide to do will work out for the best x

Dreamingofkfc · 03/10/2018 11:14

I have two years between my first two and 2.5 years between 2 and 3. I think both age gaps are great. I don't know any different but friends have 16 month gaps and say that's incredibly hard. Other friends have 4 year plus gap, great for parents but the childrens interests are completely different.

MrsST · 03/10/2018 12:34

I had a 13 month age gap and that was beyond difficult. I don't know how I'm still standing. I wouldn't advise it to be perfectly honest as it was the hardest 2 years of my life, they are getting easier now as they're getting older. The upside is they are close enough that we can find something that suits both of them and they do really love each other and have a lovely bond.
But the nighttime wakings, the toddler years were things of nightmares.

Notsohorriblehistory · 03/10/2018 12:36

2.5

Perfect in my experience

Notsohorriblehistory · 03/10/2018 12:38

Other friends have 4 year plus gap, great for parents but the childrens interests are completely different.

I’ve heard not great for the parents insofar as want to do different stuff

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 03/10/2018 12:38

anything over 5 years i think isnt great, their activities/ interests would be so different. People tend to say closer age gaps are better, however i think 2 under 2 would kill me.

MeredithShepherd · 03/10/2018 12:40

4.5 years between mine!

user1484830599 · 03/10/2018 12:42

I don't think there is any right or wrong, just what suits your family.

I have 8 years between no 1 and 2, which was lovely when ds1 was little but now he's a teenager he finds his younger brothers really annoying. I have 21 months between my ds2 and ds3 which is lovely now. The first 18 months were awful, I still think they were trying to kill me but now they are 7 and 5 they are the best of friends and do everything together.

Failingat40 · 03/10/2018 12:56

I think 3-4 year age gap is most ideal, particularly for the eldest child.

Being a baby or toddler and having a new baby come along taking all mums time and attention away at a developmentally critical time can be detrimental imo.

I was only 14 months myself when my mother had my sister. She had problems and was a very difficult baby/child/adult.

She has dominated my mother since her arrival and it absolutely had a detrimental effect on my upbringing.

There's 3.5 years between me and one brother and we got on so well, ideal age gap.

Another brother is 5.5 years age gap and also had a good childhood relationship but drifted in teens as the gap was too large.

MrsY87 · 03/10/2018 13:01

We have just under 3yrs between DD an DS we had wanted a smaller gap but I had a few losses between DD and DS so it wasn't meant to be. However a 3yr gap is great as DD is quite independent so could help me, entertain herself if needed etc. I fell pregnant again when DS was 8m (planned but unexpected!) and I'm now expecting twins who will arrive in Jan so we'll have a 16/17m gap between DS and the twins...I'm expecting that to be tough!

Liverbird77 · 03/10/2018 13:42

Well I am 41 and due my first in a couple of months. We are hoping for the second as soon as possible because of our ages. I know it would be hard, but I hope it works out for us.

Conseulabananahammock · 03/10/2018 13:46

15 months between my eldest 2 and then my little surprise came 2.5 years later. 15 months gap was hard but they love each other so much it's adorable. They fight like cat and dog but the bond is a beautiful thing.

Fatted · 03/10/2018 13:54

No matter what age gap you have it will be hard. There will be problems you encounter regardless. There's a 2 year age gap between mine. It was hard in the early days but then by about 6 months in we didn't know any different.

There is a 3 year age gap between me and my siblings on both sides and I think that's quite a good gap to grow up with because we were close but also had our own interests/friends etc. Obviously I don't know what it was like for my parents, I can only give my perspective!

Personally, I think 4-5 years would be too much of a leap. My life is totally different now my kids are 3 and 5 to how it was when youngest was born, never mind when eldest was born. I've long said goodbye to nappies, sleepless nights and prams. I wouldn't be able to go back to the baby stage again now!

MrsCar · 03/10/2018 13:56

I had 7 years between dd1 & dd2 (fertility issues) and 2 years between dd2 and DS.

The first year/two years between dd2 and DS were very, very hard. It's all a blur now, but not something I look back on fondly, sadly Both Dds had to grow up very quickly...

It's much, much easier now at 5 & 7, they're mostly great pals, and life is good.

I have lots of friends with less than 2 year gaps, even 1 year gaps, and i genuinely don't know how they cope, just the thought of 2 babies together fills me with dread. I know people say that it's best to get that stage done and dusted together, but I would prefer to enjoy the baby stage, and be able to give each baby as much attention and time as possible.

pumpkinpie01 · 03/10/2018 13:57

4 years between my 3 and it worked brilliantly, no jealousy, double buggies and only one in nappies at a time

Lilbear14 · 03/10/2018 14:46

I'm going to have nearly 12 year gap between my eldest and my next baby.

6.5 years between eldest and my youngest. And they'll be a 5 year gap between my youngest and new baby. Personally there has been times when I've struggled as obviously interests have been different but we work round that and with them being such a big age gap by time baby has arrived they'll be independent enough that they won't rely on me for small tasks. I couldn't imagine having a baby and a young child, credit to those who do it because I can only imagine how hard it could get in the first few years.
It's like what others have said there is pros and cons and it all depends on you as a parent and your children.

Sarahani · 03/10/2018 15:01

4.5 year gap between DS & DD. It's lovely having quality 1:1 time with each of them. DS is lovely with DD, he was desperate to be a big brother and she adores him.

I found it pretty easy which I know I wouldn't have done with a small gap.

Original poster

mariinaa · 03/10/2018 15:55

Thank you so much for all your help :)

OP posts:

Kescilly · 03/10/2018 16:03

From a different perspective, I'm the youngest of three. Basically my mother had three children in three and a half years.

It must have been difficult for my parents but it was great for us growing up. When we weren't squabbling, we were close friends and shared a lot of interests. We also shared friends, in fact my brother married my best friend. We didn't suffer from not having enough attention when we were young.

JLG19 · 03/10/2018 16:34

pumpkinpie01 - 4 years between my 3 and it worked brilliantly, no jealousy, double buggies and only one in nappies at a time

I don’t understand how that’s possible, unless they were toilet trained at 1?

There will be 15 months between DS and DC2. I’m scared! But glad that we’ll be getting the baby phase over and done with quickly.

MrsCar · 03/10/2018 17:01

I presume she meant 4 years between each child, e.g. an 8 yo, a 4yo and a newborn

holycityzoo · 03/10/2018 17:09

@MrsST are you me?!
I also had a 13 month gap between dc3 and 4, it was the stuff of nightmares! They are 4 and 5 now and it's just starting to get a bit easier.
I had 5.5 years between 1 and 2 which is lovely.
I had 2.5 years between 2 and 3 which was fine but both very easy placid babies/ toddlers
Then 13 months between 3 and 4.
Dc4 was by far the most challenging he's only started sleep through in the last couple of months.

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