Feel like I’m being judged...

[CathyandHeathcliff]

For choosing to have a c section. It’s my first baby and I’ve made my decision which is back by the consultant and consultant Midwife. Also my mental health team are on board with it too.
Mostly everyone I’ve told, including my MIL, have gone on and on about what a long recovery it is and how much pain I’ll be in. Also how the vaginal birth is the natural way and that I need to learn to trust my body more.
Others have also said they’d never choose one because it’s so painful afterwards and limits everything.
I understand all the risks and after effects, but I still feel it’s the correct choice for me.

On the flip side, I’ve heard some very positive stories of planned c sections too. I’ve also heard a lot of horrid stories of vaginal births taking months to heal because of the use of forceps, episiotomies etc.

Just wondering if anyone else who chose to have a c section had this?

I’ve had three emergency CS. One recovery was painful and took a relatively long time. The other two were very straightforward and minimal pain. Even the worst one was much quicker than someone with a second degree tear.

With an elective, you’ll have the advantage that your body won’t be tired by labouring and you won’t be recovering from contractions afterwards as well.

You need to get used to being judged though. People will judge you for everything you do as a parent. Just smile, nod and do what works safely for you and your baby.

Meh, I didn't chose mine but I'd rather that than the problems that can occur with a vaginal birth. Ignore them, tell them this is what is agreed with your medical team and it's not up for discussion.

Alternately just say " fuck off" . I mean seriously what is it with woman judging other woman.

Before I had my c section, I couldn’t understand why anyone would choose to have a c section. As a midwife I’d watched enough operations to know exactly what happens and seen countless women struggle with their recovery. Now that I’m four weeks after an emergency c section, I’ve completely revised my opinions. Recovery has been reamarkably easy, I feel great and don’t feel that feeding, bonding or anything else have been affected by his mode of delivery. I still wouldn’t choose surgery without good reason but I think there are a lot more good reasons than I had previously realised. I honestly don’t think it’s worth negatively impacting your mental health to have a vaginal delivery just to avoid a few potential negatives of c section.

There are a few things I requested at my c section - delayed cord clamping, immediate skin to skin, no weighing or unecessary handling of baby in theatre, which I do feel helped make it a more positive experience and hopefully had benefits for DS and would definitely reccomend to other mums.

I'm currently booked in for my second ELCS, first was very smooth and straightforward for what it's worth.

In terms of people judging you; being realistic yes they are. Welcome to being pregnant/a mother I'm afraid, every fucker has an opinion on everything!!! Whatever you do, somebody will be judging you for it so decide what works best for you and don't be afraid to stick to it.

You aren't the only one. When I've told people, most have gone "oh, I didn't know you could choose". Rather than asking why or assuming that I have reason. The headtilt and tone it's delivered with definitely say "I'm judging you". Like it's the easy option. I don't really fancy telling all and sundry and my incontinence or MH! People should sod off with their judgement.

I chose to have a c section due to my concerns about previous trauma, and how I would cope emotionally with a vaginal birth. It was absolutely the right decision for me. My mental health after the birth was fab, the recovery was manageable. I was lifting dd from the crib v soon after the c section. The midwives were amazed.

The c section itself felt very calm and was not frightening. I cried my eyes out when dd was born and immediately felt the rush of love so it didn't affect bonding.

You do what is right for you and ignore everyone else.

I’ve also chosen an elective after two previous traumatic births and a traumatic missed miscarriage. I’ve had an awful experience trying to persuade consultants to let me have one even though to me, it seemed like a no brainer. I’ve been told I WILL bleed more and they WILL give me a hysterectomy if I start to bleed etc. Aware they need to make you aware of the risks but they negate to mention risks of a vaginal delivery and also negate to mention how low the risk of something as extreme as a hysterectomy is. I’ve experienced a lot of scaremongering and have had to see five different consultants/consultant midwife/obstretrician just to get to where I am now with an actual booked in c-section. It’s been a dreadful experience and I can’t wait for it all to be over.

It took about 12 weeks for my episiotomy to heal...they don't tell you that about vaginal births. (I don't like to use the terms natural or unnatural).
Just do what is right for you and stick to your guns. It's only 24 (or 72!!) days out of a very big adventure. Congratulations, good luck, and enjoy your baby!

Sorry, that was supposed to say hours....!!

In brief:
DS1: horror birth. 26 hours. Eventual epidural towards the end, episiotomy, failed ventouse x2, failed forceps, eventually got him out with special unusual forceps. Traumatic. Decided that if I ever had another kid I would have an elective Caesarean COME WHAT MAY.

DTBs: Had my elective section - chose to have a 'gentle' / 'natural' caesarean and the doctors watched this YouTube video of how it was done while they were scrubbing up. 😄 It was a glorious, life-enhancing, joyous experience. The twins were born into an atmosphere of absolute peace and happiness. I feel all weepy and mushy whenever I think about it.

I know everyone's experience is different and you can't really draw conclusions from anyone else's birth choices and outcomes, but for me, an ELCS was just perfect, and I didn't give a hoot what anybody thought. There's nothing intrinsically noble about vaginal delivery. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Do what feels right for you, OP. Nobody else has got to get that baby out. 😏

I should add that despite being an older mum at 39, my C-section recovery was quick and uneventful.

I got a Bellefit girdle and was (probably ill-advisedly) pottering round a shopping centre within a week.

It was painful and uncomfortable at times, but manageable with painkillers and that physical discomfort paled into insignificance compared with the emotional damage caused by my traumatic vaginal birth.