Pregnant and slightly terrified

[shesarainbow]

Hi -
A couple of years ago, my husband and I decided to stop using contraception and let nature take its course. I'm 36 and he's 47 and I'd kind of assumed it wasn't meant to be, and although I sometimes felt sad about that, I wasn't devastated. Anyway, yesterday I found out that I'm pregnant which I wasn't expecting because of the two years of no pregnancy and I'm absolutely terrified. My husband is really delighted, and I just feel really scared and uncertain. I feel like crying all the time. I feel like a terrible person for thinking about what I'm going to miss out on - I love my job and my life and I know it's all going to change. I think I'm about 4 weeks pregnant, so it feels too early even to talk to friends or parents about it. I know lots of people would kill to be in this position so I feel terrible even saying any of this. I wanted to know if anyone else has felt like this, and does it get better? The whole thing about not telling anyone at the moment has just made me feel really alone.

I conceived via ivf, after ttc for 5 years. I felt exactly the same as you in the early weeks. It does get better! I found that once I got past 12 weeks and the chances of miscarrying were greatly reduced I felt a bit better and less terrified, and once I was past 16 weeks and had stopped feeling sick all the time I was more ok with having kids, and actually became excited about it after 24 weeks. I think a lot of it for me was being terrified in case something went wrong with my DTs, and in a weird sort of way trying to protect myself against it.

I absolutely detested being pregnant, and spent 8 months feeling like an absolute freak because of this - I thought I was supposed to love it, and be all one with the universe and such bollocks. It’s ok to hate being pregnant!

It’s absolutely ok to be slightly terrified, your hormones will be in overdrive, and it’s a massive life change. If you feel you need it, it could be worth self referring for counselling, pre natal depression is real.

Congrats on your pregnancy 💐

Firstly...congratulations!

But I know exactly where you're coming from. I am 41. DH is 37. This is our third pregnancy in 18 months (first 2 ended in MC), I'm now 31 weeks, and I still get moments of absolute "oh fuck what have I done". Most of the time I'm excited but it's just the thought of the total change that will be happening to our lives within the next 63 days.

I think people who say they never had a moment of panic or worry are either lying (because they think it's not the "done thing") or who haven't actually contemplated the level of change that's going to happen to their lives.

I was like this to the extreme when I was pregnant with dd. I had panic attacks, couldn't cope at all. I honestly thought about aborting her. But I didn't. She was born and it all clicked into place.

You will be ok. You don't have to be 100% ready right now. You have a long time to get used to the idea. Try to live in the moment, rather than speeding ahead. Just get used to the idea of being pregnant for now. It can be so so overwhelming, but it is easier if you take it in bite sized chunks.

Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate it - and I feel a lot better now. I've been on the verge of having a panic attack all day and your lovely words calmed me down. I decided although it's very early to tell my mum and dad and my twin sister and I feel a lot better now. Thank you again. You are all lovely. Just knowing someone else is thinking 'oh fuck what have I done' is very comforting!