MINIMUM ACCESS I CAN GRANT HIM??

[moon54]

So long story short...

Was with a guy for 5 years, got pregnant, everything was fine. Then he decided he didn't want to be with me at 18 weeks pregnant..obviously I was upset and I had a few hormonal (psycho) moments but I got over it.

I tried to be as nice as possible and just want to be civil for my sons sake but he's done a series of horrible things

• sent me multiple pictures of him In bed with other women
• constantly sends me pictures of him drunk

-joined tinder before we broke up but when I was pregnant with his son

• Told me numerous times he's happy to have sex with me cause he knows no one will want to come near me at the moment (I'm not interested in having sex with him or anyone else just to clarify)

And the straw that broke the camels back really was on Friday night I was taken into hospital because I was doubled over In pain and I called him to take me to triage as my family are all up north just now. He agreed and I waited ages and he never turned up so i had to drive myself while In pain. He said he fell asleep but later found out he was on a tinder date and had sex with her while i was In hospital with concerns over our son.

I'm now 30 weeks pregnant and my question is basically what is the minimum contact I can grant this vile human without him taking court action?

Also just to clarify I'm not claiming to be an angel and I've said things I probably shouldn't when we first broke up but I've not said anything since as my mums always telling me I can use the messages for evidence if need be later on so I have to look like the bigger person.

If you can't tell I am young only 22 and he's 25 so don't be too harsh I'm just looking for some advice 😅

In the first 6 months due to breast feeding - practically you can only give him an hour to two hours max contact with your child every couple of weeks and you will have to be nearby. Your baby may decide to cluster feed which is why you need to be nearby or simply need feeding every 2 hours. Some men (and women) don't understand that breast fed babies may require frequent feeds so get angry with the mother and accuse them of being obstructive.

After 6 months when the baby is weaned then you can work at leaving the baby with their father for longer time periods on their own but it won't be overnight until they are well over 1. Again this will be every other weekend. You won't be able to leave your (plural) child with their father for a full weekend until they are about 2.

If he is immature he is unlikely to stick to these contact arrangements and when he is told you are being reasonable won't bother going to court. Instead he will likely turn up once the child is no longer a baby/toddler.

Also you both need to grow up. He shouldn't be sending you pictures of who he is sleeping with nor promising to take you to hospital as be clearly doesn't want a relationship with you. On your side he has clearly shown he is unreliable so get a family member or a close friend to help you with medical problems. Also more importantly choose a family member or close friend to be your birth partner not him. Send him a message that you have given birth once the baby is born. If he threatens to visit you in hospital so you don't want him around don't tell him you have gone into labour and given birth until you are back at home.

Don't give the baby his last name as it will cause you issues for the rest of your life and register the birth on your own so you don't give him automatic parental responsibility. If he wishes to get parental responsibility he can put the effort in and go to court get it, which is easy to get. Parental responsibility is not linked to paying maintenance.

Nothing.
Seriously; you don't have to allow any contact. The onus is on him to make a court application to get contact.
I wouldn't advise this as a matter of course but given what a useless, uninterested abusive dick he is I'm not sure what kind of use he'd be to the baby.

I forgot to say without parental responsibility you don't have to grant him contact, however as you are acting in the best interests of your child to have a relationship with their father allow him contact. Make sure you do everything in writing e.g. email and keep a record even if it is for years as you can then use his lack of consistency and poor behave against him.

1. Cut all contact with him now. Block him on your phone, email, WhatsApp, everything.
2. If he contacts you another way, remain civil and tell him that if wants to meet the baby he can contact you after your due date.
3. Do not give the baby his last name. It will cause problems for you in the long run.
4. Do not put him on the birth certificate. That will give him automatic parental responsibility.
5. If he wants contact after the baby is born, little and often is best for babies. An hour or two at a time in your company.
6. If he manages that, he can have more time on his own as the baby gets older. I put money on him buggering off long before then.

He sounds like a total shit and you are better off without him.

If it was me, I would just cut contact completely until the baby was born and I would just hope that the birth of the baby would mean that he suddenly bucks up his ideas and tries to be a good dad and proves himself.

That's up to him to do.

Maybe send him a text saying that's what you're doing. Say you cannot keep in contact because of the constant issues surrounding him.
That you're blocking his number but you hope that as time goes on he realises that he wants to be part of the baby's life as a good father so he will step up.
Then cut him off at that point for the sake of your own mental well being and all you can do is wait.

You are not obliged to let him see the child at all.

He sounds like an immature twat, but he could end up being an excellent fathers. That's up to him though.

Good luck.