how to tell friend?

[Lilsquish]

hello ladies. im not brave enough to ask this in the infertility section although ideally thats where i want to put this....

im currently expecting my second dc and have my scan next week. all being well i plan to tell my friends and family after.

however i have a very close friend who has been struggling to conceive for 5+ years and has had a few failed attempts at ivf. i see how upset she is with all this and am desperately hoping her next try is successful.

so, how do i tell her her? i know she will be happy for me to an extent as she is so lovely but i also know it will be very painful for her too.

i was planning on just a one to one text to let her know. anyone been in my friends position and can advise what you would prefer?

xx

There are a few threads in the infertility forum which deal with this but in a nutshell people prefer to get this kind of news by text so they have time to absorb it. Also it might not be unreasonable to expect your friend may distance herself a bit during the pregnancy. Have a look in the forum and you will see plenty of threads relating to this.

Congratulations

The advice is always to send a text or an email, don’t include a scan pic and just be factual but kind, don’t end up accidentally patronising her because of her own situation. Also don’t expect an immediate response as she might have complicated feelings and be happy for you but find it painful for herself.

When I was going through a mc my friend, who knew about it, announced she was pregnant with a message doing the whole woopsie got myself pregnant by accident, suppose I’m happy but bad timing with work now I’ve got baby brain blah blah. I nearly threw my phone across the room and managed to send a brief congrats happy for you reply before bawling. If she’d done it face to face I don’t know what I’d have done!

You sound lovely thinking about how to be sensitive and I’m sure you’ll think of something good to say

I told my sister about my pregnancies over the phone first and then left it for a bit.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/3370084-How-to-tell-a-struggling-friend-about-my-pregnancy

I had this recently, found out I was expecting my third a few weeks after my friend told me she was starting ivf. I told her by text, and told her before any of my other friends so that there was no chance she would hear it through the grapevine. Everyone will react differently, just accept that she is where she is, she might be genuinely happy for you, might be able to offer you support, might need to distance herself for a while, or anything in between. I text a lot with my friend, and generally don’t bring up my pregnancy unless she asks how it’s going, when I assume she’s in a place she feels she can cope with an update.

thank you everyone. il go ahead with the text idea.

thanks for the link too x