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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant w/OLDER man

25 replies

elodiedcn · 29/09/2018 14:42

My partner is 50, I am 25 and I am pregnant.

I have my own children they are still young and energetic, they certainly keep us on our toes and he manages that as well as someone my age. He doesn't have any children and hes absoloutly over the moon but as lovely as it all is, I haven't fooled myself into thinking everything is perfect and I know issues could arise because of his age.

basically I'd like to hear experiences of either having an older dad, having a child with an older man and general age-gap relationship experiences and advice....

OP posts:

tinkerbellone · 29/09/2018 15:07

There was a 20 year age different between my mum and dad. When I was born my dad was 45.
My dad looked young for his age. He was amazing. I adored him. His age never bothered me. Partly because he didn't look 'old'. Hope that helps. Congratulations on your new baby.

CobaltRose96 · 29/09/2018 16:18

My dad was 46 and my mum 30 when I was born. They were 44 and 28 when my brother was born. I'm now 22 and he is a very healthy and active 68. He is a fantastic dad and none of us ever found his age a hindrance. Funnily enough he also looks young for his age (often mistaken for being early to mid 50s).

If you're worried about health issues... This is purely anecdotal but my brother and I are totally healthy with no issues.

pinktissuepaper · 29/09/2018 16:24

My DP is 53 (I am early 30s) and we are trying to get pregnant. He has more energy than any men my age I have known and I find his life experience and more mature outlook really beneficial in our relationship. He's a big kid in some respects, too!
I think we will try for a year or so (3 months so far) and if it doesn't happen we will stop - he worries about his age when any potential children are older. I adore him and would love to have a child with him though.
Congratulations, op! You give me hope that we might be able to conceive too

Original poster

elodiedcn · 29/09/2018 18:21

Thankyou everyone for your input so far, I am very excited but didn't want to walk around with rose coloured glasses on. I prefer to be prepared for the bad and see the good as an awesome bonus....

Pnktissuepaper - thankyou, I do hope you manage to conceive in your time frame, this happened quite quickly for us but we've spent a lot of it in the bedroom and I am incredibly fertile, I could stand next to a man and get pregnant haha. Can I ask why you have given yourselves a time limit? Just curious to see if this is age related? either way good luck and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you

OP posts:

pinktissuepaper · 30/09/2018 11:44

@elodiedcn he worries about being an older dad and leaving a child young, but I say we have no idea what will happen in the future and we should just go for it!! He has an adult DC from a previous marriage as do I, but we are so in love we really want a child together. I came off the pill almost a year and a half ago and it's taken that long for my cycles to come back to normal, I am hopeful as I conceived my DC8 without trying at all... and we also spend a lot of time in the bedroom ;)

Although we have over 20 years between us this is seriously the best relationship I have ever been in. We encountered a lot of negativity at the start but it's truly made us stronger. I can't imagine life without him.

Relaxdontdoit · 30/09/2018 15:16

hi there. im 24 and married to a 50 year old man and we have 3 kids amd currently 5 months pregnant. at the first of our relationship we had alot of trouble with other people saying hes to old get someone your own age blahh blahh blahh! we did end up having a knock at the door from socail services but theg were fine and left us alone! i must admit we were the talk of the town for about 2 yea. and we kept getting funny looks off people and my oh wanted to end it because he didnt think it was fair on me! but to me age is just a number if he looks after you and.the kids and makes you all happy fu#k everyone i married him when i was 18 and been with him ever since . i dont care what people say about us anymore ive got used to it. but i wouldnt change him for the world! i get people say is this your dad and there face drops when i say hes my husband. my kids havent had any trouble at school becuase their dads old! he may be old but he can shift. hes in v good health for his age. take no notice what people say! and enjoy every moment of it. xxxx

SadieContrary · 30/09/2018 15:43

I'm married to a man in his mid 50's, I'm mid 30's and we have a DC ages 18mths. He has two DC in their early 20's who adore their sibling (and make great babysitters!)
Genuinely don't notice the age difference and he's probably got more energy than me

LittleKitty1985 · 30/09/2018 17:00

Congrats on your pregnancy. I don't wish to scare you but have you considered that your child is 3.5 times more likely to have autism and 13 times more likely to have ADHD than if it's father was your own age? Of course it's still more likely that your child will be neurotypical, but you might want to research these conditions just in case, especially if either runs in your family or your partner's family.

LittleKitty1985 · 30/09/2018 17:03

Here's the reference for those stats btw: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/24577047/

Relaxdontdoit · 30/09/2018 19:53

littlekitty. i have 3 kids with a man 3x's my age and our kids r fine. also one on the way which everything seems to be fine. tbh ive never heard anything about that so thats news to me. i no if an older woman has kids there could be difficulties because of her age? ! my kids r the top of their class for everything. x

LittleKitty1985 · 30/09/2018 20:22

@Relaxdontdoit As I said, the most likely outcome is for the kids to be "normal" but it's also true that the risk of neurodevelopmental disorders is significantly higher with increased paternal age. This includes things that wouldn't become apparent until the late teens such as bipolar or schizophrenia. You may not have heard of it because the research is relatively new.

pinktissuepaper · 30/09/2018 21:36

@LittleKitty1985 I think @elodiedcn is probably looking for more positive tales and anecdotes here! The fact is, whichever age you have children leaves you more likely to have one or another kind of issue: no age is perfect. If you have a baby in a partnership where you're

PecanPastry · 30/09/2018 21:42

@LittleKitty1985 - can you please give me a definition for "normal"?! FFS!

LittleKitty1985 · 30/09/2018 21:46

@PecanPastry Neurotypical, as I already said. I used quote marks for "normal" to show that I know that I was using it euphemistically, I'd have thought that was clear

LittleKitty1985 · 30/09/2018 21:49

@pinktissuepaper I appreciate that, but the OP specifically said she "didn't want to walk around with rose coloured glasses on. I prefer to be prepared for the bad"

dinnafashsassenach · 30/09/2018 21:50

The increased risk of ASD rang true for us.

Loyaultemelie · 30/09/2018 21:54

I'm 36, Dh is 54. Dd1 is 8 (we lost twins between and dd2 is 3.5) and Dh always worried about being an older dad. Dd1 duely informed him one girl in the class has a daddy the same age and a boy has a daddy 3 years older (apparently they did a graph ) dds couldn't care less and Dh is in better health than I am

Emmafh3 · 30/09/2018 22:06

This is an interesting read, didn't know how many of us are in the same boat!
I'm in my mid 20s and dh in his mid 50s.
30years age difference.
He has 4kids all in their 20's and we have a 2year old and I'm pregnant with our second.
He chases after our dd better than I can, and is great with his children. I don't think any age makes a difference to that. He was worried about 'leaving' me and the babes so has altered his retirement plans that now include working for longer to make sure we aren't left in the cold.
But tbh, that doesn't cross my mind. He still has a long life ahead and either him or I could die tomorrow, you can't tell these things.
As for all these statistics, I personally think have a little bit of truth in them, but a lot of it is "oh this suits my hypotheses, let's publish this" otherwise there would be a lot more children with a lot more problems in the world right?

physicskate · 30/09/2018 22:22

I have a different perspective: I am the child of an 'old' dad. My dad was 42 when I was born, which is about 10 years older than most of my friends' dads when I was a kid (maybe people had kids younger 30+ years ago??). He's 11 years older than my mom. He's been a brilliant dad to me. Lots of great stories and life experience, patience and wisdom. He's the best man I've ever known and it makes me smile no end when my dh does something that reminds me of my dad.

But. I'm now 34 and pregnant with my first. Dad is 77 and will be 78 when the baby comes. He's not in good health and I'm heartbroken to think my kid won't get to know their amazing granddad well. I barely remember my grandparents who all died in their 80s when I was very very young.

So I have no problem with old dads - it's old grandads that are heartbreaking to me!!!

furandchandeliers · 01/10/2018 12:53

@Relaxdontdoit if you have 3 children with him and are 25 how old were you when you got together?

Relaxdontdoit · 01/10/2018 15:55

i was old enough! thats all im saying

Maursh · 01/10/2018 16:06

I am almost 42 and DH has just turned 59. We have only one DC because sadly no others arrived - that life.

I recently read (don't ask me for a source) that large age differences were historically very common and it is only been in very recent times that men and women of similar ages have married. The reason being was that men had to make themselves in the world before they could be regarded as a potential husband. Typically men would be in their 30s before they were established and would take a wife of 21 years.

Anyway, I found it interesting so thought I would share.

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/10/2018 16:11

17 years between me & dp...i have DD(6) he has DD(24) & DS(28). We both now have DS(14 weeks) together. He is just shy of 50. He spent a lot of time worrying about being the older dad, our son maybe being teased because he is old. Now DS is here that has gone out of his head totally because who gives a shit? He has found it harder to adapt to the general dealings of a newborn...the sleepless nights, the constant neediness during the day. But overall we are just like any other family!

furandchandeliers · 01/10/2018 16:47

Urgh gross

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/10/2018 16:48

You're entitled to your opinion 😁

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