How do I break the news? Being a single mum.

[Nss95]

I’m 9 weeks pregnant, the father of my unborn (my ex boyfriend) doesn’t really want anything to do with the baby, which is a shame but I didn’t expect anything different really.
This baby wasn’t planned obviously but I’m happy and excited for the future with my beautiful little one.
I’ve accepted the fact I’m going to be a single mum, which is scary but I believe I can do this.
The problem is I still haven’t told my mother! She has always told me that she’d be devastated if I ever got pregnant and when I was younger would jokingly say she’d kill me.
I’m 23 years old and live by myself but I feel awful about disappointing her with this...
Just wanted to know if anyone had any similar worries and stories they could share?
Or any advise on breaking the news?

Not myself but my cousin, she got pregnant at 20 and dreaded telling her mum. In all honesty her mum wasn't a hundred percent happy with the situation but she was still so supportive and she loves being a grandparent now! I don't really have much advice I just wanted to say even if she's not happy with the situation she'll still be happy and help you x

I have experience of this. I split up with my ex when I found out I was pregnant. We had very planned the baby and I was super excited for ou little family. He cruelly left me and at one point advised me I should terminate the pregnancy, that it would ruin my career and that I wouldn’t cope.

At first it was crushingly hard and telling people wasn’t easy, my mother being the hardest. We wept together but she has been my absolute rock throughout and tbh so has everyone else. I thought my pregnancy would be shrouded in sadness but it’s been such a wonderful experience and whilst I had moments of sadness they were only fleeting.

I did make the mistake of allowing my ex to come back throughout the summer (and then he cruelly left again) but I’m not as devastated as I expected to be. The baby has given me a strength I never knew I had.

Ex has asked to come back several times since and my answer is no. I’m better off out of the madness and want a happy and healthy environment for my baby and I.

You’ll be great OP and your friends and family will understand and will hopefully give you loads of support.

I’m here if you ever need to chat x

I suggest you tell her how you feel about it first. Something like ...... mum, the circumstances are not ideal but I am still really happy and excited about this and I really hope you will be happy for me too. I’m going to have a baby in 7 months!

Congratulations! I hope all goes well for you. Your mum will be OK when she has got over the shock, the drama usually ends with the pregnancy and then everyone's attention is on the baby.

She will likely be worried about how you will cope financially so tell her how you plan to afford mat leave, child care etc and it won't be so hard.

@Didsomeonesaybunny Thankyou for sharing your story! I’m sorry that you had to go through that :/ but glad your feeling better about it all now!
My ex also wants me to terminate the pregnancy, we work together and he’s panicking about the gossip and stuff that will come from others even though everyone knew we were previously dating. I could care less about gossip myself and I’ve already told a few trusted people at work whom said they’d support me.
My main worry is seeing my mum so upset and disappointed :( I don’t want to have to do that to her but know that I have to.
Did you just ask her for a talk and then just straight up tell her you were pregnant? And how did react? Did she just cry, hug and support you?
Sorry for the questions, I’m just massively worrying and overthinking at the moment.

I was 18 and had split with my dp a month prior. I told my dad first as I’d got home from school (6th form) and he told me I’d received more letters from universities. I opened them to see my final 3 acceptances. I sat down burst out crying and said ‘dad I’m not going I’m pregnant’. He asked if I’d told my mum and I said no, so he suggested going to tell her and then simple hugged me and said ‘love, I got your mother pregnant and ended up with an arsehole like you, you will be fine’

So I went over mums, walked in, popped my head around the living room and said ‘any one want a ciffee’ I walked to the kitchen and I could hear her say to my stepdad ‘somethings wrong’, she came in and asked if I was alright, I started crying turned around and said ‘I’m pregnant’ and she went ‘come here, it will be fine, I guess I best start shopping for baby clothes on the weekend’ and that was it.

It was nowhere near the drama I thought it would be. The baby has just started university! And I’ve made sure his girlfriend is on the pill and they use condoms! I’d support him 100%, disappointed I would be, but what is done is done, and I would be there for them every step of the way.
Good luck X

Honestly OP ask away, I don’t mind answering your questions at all. I came home over a weekend to visit my mother and as soon as she made a cuppa I told her I had something to tell her and then I told her I was pregnant. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever had to do but she was so lovely about it all. She gave me a big hug and we had a good cry together.

My mum was most upset at the actions of my ex and initially wanted to kill him. At the end of the day no mother wants to see her daughter pregnant without her partner, it was less than ideal but I am very strong and independent and she knew I’d be ok. It’s actually brought us much closer together.

Your ex may wish to come back, it’s hard to say no, trust me, I took him back multiple times throughout the summer as I wanted a family with him but a baby won’t heal a relationship that is broken. I’ve asked him to leave me alone, I do worry though that he will continue to come back, it’s his modus operandi sadly. Just prepare yourself your ex may be the same.

Here if you need me and good luck with your mum xx

I had my son at 18 as a single parent, his dad left when I told him I was pregnant and pushed for abortion. By the time I found out I was already 14 weeks so I refused and he ended the relationship.

It was hard, I was in uni full time and living in shared accommodation away from home. I didn’t even tell my mum until he was born! I went to see her in November (whilst 30 weeks pregnant) I hid it well and she didn’t suspect a thing. To be honest at the time I had no idea what I was going to do and the situation was a complete mess. Obviously I couldn’t have a baby live in uni halls neither could I cope so far from home whilst studying with childcare and support etc. I honestly was so lost and deeply considered giving him up for adoption once he was born. I spoke to a social worker and told them I would like to give him up once he was born, they tried to talk me out of it and asked me if any of my family would be willing to adopt him instead. I didn’t want that to happen, honestly i just wanted him to have the family and support i felt I couldn’t give him. I loved him so much even before he was born but I felt I couldn’t do it, I was so young. I actually planned to relinquish him to social services as soon as he was born, they told me that there are so many couples wanting to adopt a newborn and that he would be well looked after. I was in two minds, I knew I loved him and wanted him but the other part of me said I couldn’t do it and I was so ashamed with myself.

I gave birth to him and the next day, I was ready to be discharged home. I had no where to go, I couldn’t bring a baby back to student halls and I hadn’t confirmed to social services that I wanted to start the adoption proceedings either and I was 120 miles from home. I had a few clothes, toys, blankets etc but nothing else. I really don’t know what was going through my mind at the time.

I consulted a midwife and I broke down about the entire situation, how I was a student away from home and no body knew I was pregnant and I have no where to go. She told me she would call my mum if I wanted her too, I was to ashamed to speak.

She called my mum and my mum told her she was on her way, I received just one text from my mum saying “I love you” and that was it. I laid in bed with my son and 4 hours later my mum walked through the doors, it was the most intense emotional moment I’ve ever experienced. We both started crying and just hugged each other without saying a word. She went out and brought me some new pyjamas, toiletries etc and a baby car seat, when it was time we left and drove back to the halls (where I was living) I packed up everything I owned and we left and returned home.

My nan had been over and brought everything the baby needed and set it all up in the spare room with a Moses basket, clothes, bottles etc. My mum couldn’t stop looking at my son she loved him so much and still does to this day, their disappointment was so over ridden by pure joy and love for him.

I started the uni in my home town the following September and my mum looked after my son whilst I studied and I stayed living in the family home, I graduated with 1st class honours this year.

Soph your story has brought tears to my eyes I'm so pleased things worked out for you and congratulations on your degree result that's amazing!

OP just tell your mum - people can say lots of stupid stuff but most will come round after that and be supportive so give her a chance xx

My mum used to say things like this to me even though she got pregnant with me when she was 22 and had only just met my dad (they weren’t married either)

I fell pregnant with my first when I was 25 after being with my then partner for 5 years, had my own mortgage and hadn’t lived with my mum for years but, because of what she had drummed into me when I was younger, I still dreaded telling her!

Then I thought, fuck it...you’re an independent adult, who gives a shit what anyone thinks and who are they to pass any judgment. It’s your life, you’re a grown adult and it’s no one else’s business.

When I told everyone in my family, they were all very pleased though.

Now I am on my 3rd pregnancy and split with the baby’s dad after a 2.5 year relationship (the previous 2 kids were with the same guy) I’m 14 weeks and have only just started telling people, because I was the same as you, frightened of what people would say to me being pregnant and no longer being with the dad.

Much to my surprise, everyone has been over the moon so far, even my mum!

It has helped me so much in accepting that I’m going to be a single parent to 3 kids and knowing I have even a little bit of support has lifted my spirits greatly.

I really hope everything works out for you and your beautiful baby