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Original poster

FALSE ACCUSATIONS ARE RUINING MY FAMILY TO BE

26 replies

JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 10:35

My girlfriend has called the police on me over 10 times for apparently not leaving the house and assaulting her. she has got me arrested 3 times for things i haven't done. Now the police have put a 28 day restraining order out on me not to see her. she is 9 weeks pregnant with my child and she has a social worker who is trying to stop me from seeing my girlfriend by moving her away. In regards to seeing my child when it is born, because shes made several accusations stating im assaulting her etc when i'm not, will they stop me seeing and being apart of the childs life even if my girlfriend wants me to be. also what shall i do in these 28 days that i cant see or talk to her as she will be all alone and need support physically and mentally as she suffers from depression and will message or ring me to come help.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/09/2018 10:40

You need to leave her alone.

Get yourself a solicitor to sort out where you stand re access to the child when it's born,

If you have a job, start saving so that you can provide for your child. If not, start looking.

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 10:46

she suffers from depression and bipolar, this is why she calls the police on me, but what should i do if she needs my help and wants me to come back as she always does this, im trying to be supportive even when shes getting me arrested for no reason. I love her to bits and want this to work but how can I when she's making it so hard and trying to ruin everything when she's having these episodes

OP posts:
Gazelda · 27/09/2018 10:49

You absolutely need to stay away and block contact for 28 days.
Make sure you're in a position to provide for your child when he/she is born.
I think I'd assume that you and your GF won't be living together as a family at least for the short and medium term. So get your life together, demonstrate that you are reliable, stable and wanting to be part of your child's life.
It'll be hard keeping away, but if things are going to work out long term you need to show restraint and responsibility.

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 10:58

and even though shes reported me for being abusive when i haven't and theres no evidence to back her accusations up, will social services see that by the time the baby is born i have been in a stable jobb, saved up to provide for the child and once the 28 days is done got on well with the mother and no more silly reports of her calling the police onme. do you think they'd allow me to live with her again before she is due to give birth?

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Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 10:59

as well as be in the childs life as a proper dad

OP posts:
Nesssie · 27/09/2018 11:02

You need to stay away for these 28days
Breaching this restraining order will really harm your chances in the future. If she attempts to make contact then you need to report it (101) immediately so they have a record that it was her initiating the contact.

If she has such severe MH issues then you need to prepare for the worst - SS may remove the child - if this happens you need to be able to prove that you can look after him/her. You need to have a job with steady income, you need a solicitor who can defend against the allegations of abuse.

I'm afraid you need to prioritise the child before your relationship with this girl.

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:05

if anything it has been her whose been the abusive one and i've never ever called the police on her. i've stuck by her through thick and thin and only want things to be right. I want to be a great dad and be there as both a partner and father. however she has stated during arguments that she will make sure i never get to be apart of the childs life.

OP posts:
Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:11

it's just a shame because everything was going to plan, we have a place, i have a stable job and we have a kid on the way. it should be the happiest time of our lives instead its like this.

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Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:14

also SS won't take the baby off her as to them she is perfectly fine and getting on well. to them I am the issue.

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Nesssie · 27/09/2018 11:18

SS won't be fooled.
Also she has stated during arguments that she will make sure i never get to be apart of the childs life. as long as you are sensible and work with the police and SS, then it ultimately won't be up to her.
But I do think you need to get a bit of advice from a solicitor - many do a free 1/2hr consultation.

You need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Cutting down your contact and having space now will really help your chances in the future. It sounds like she needs some help, but you cannot be the one to give it to her.

You need to keep a strict detailed diary of all interactions you have with her, so that you can argue against any future allegations.

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:21

I will do, Her social worker doesn't see anything wrong with her and whenever she is down or upset when the social worker sees her shes saying shes down because of me. I've done nothing but love and support her. I had never been in trouble with the police until i met her.

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Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:22

I have no writing proof that she said that about me not seeing the baby when its born. if she ever says this on messages i will be sure to take it as evidence

OP posts:
Fadingmemory · 27/09/2018 11:29

What matters now is that you behave "correctly". Do not under any circumstances breach the restraining order even if your girlfriend contacts you for help. Doing so would go very badly for you in legal/police terms.

However difficult, concentrate on maintaining your own stability in terms of earning etc and having a home to which you could bring your child when he/she is born. Your girlfriend needs to seek support from her family, friends, health professionals.

Make every effort not to dwell on what your girlfriend has done to you, no matter how unjust/untrue. Consult a lawyer and look forward.

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:33

woudl the fact shes made so many false claims on me affect me being a normal dad to the child? or would i have to arrange access etc? because in time things may get better with the partner but even if it does, would ss still move her and or the baby for 'safety' reasons because of what shes said about me

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 27/09/2018 11:39

Is she medically diagnosed and suffering with depression and bipolar?

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:40

she was but then she told me the doctors deemed her to not have it anymore. so to them she's all okay now.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/09/2018 11:43

You cannot be with this woman.

You would be a fool to even consider a relationship with someone who makes false allegations against you.

Yes, this could absolutely affect your chances of having access to your child so stay away from her and get legal advice.

She will find it much harder to make false allegations if you block her number and leave her alone.

QforCucumber · 27/09/2018 11:44

So the situation is that GP have signed her off (possibly)
Shes calling the police as you won't leave when she's asked you to?
The police arrive and arrest you and she gets a restraining order both with nothing to back up the allegations?
Do your arguments get physical? Loud? Public? Would neighbours overhear them?

Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:51

yes shes got me arrested 3 times when shes stated i have hurt her when i haven't. she gets loud and aggressive, shouting aint my thing. She has go physical several times and gone off on one in public. I have always left but theres been times when shes kicking me out at 3 am for no reason without giving me a chance to put on clothes and she calls the police saying im refusing to leave.

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Original poster
JORDYBOY94 · 27/09/2018 11:51

and yes they release me without charge as there is insufficient evidence

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Darkstar4855 · 27/09/2018 14:01

If you want the best chance possible of contact/custody with your child then I’m sorry but you need to cut off contact and stay well away. If you’re out of the picture then social services/midwife/GP will hopefully get a more accurate view of what’s going on with her, plus it will make it very clear that you are not the problem and are complying with what you’re being told. You need to show that you can provide a safe, stable environment for your child.

If you keep in contact with her and she carries on with this behaviour then there’s a very good chance that she’ll be able to stop you having contact with the child.

Darkstar4855 · 27/09/2018 14:03

Oh and definitely do what PPs have suggested and keep a detailed record of any attempts she makes to contact you, keep any messages, call records etc. It will help your case immensely if you can prove that she is the one initiating contact and you are not responding.

Merrydoula · 27/09/2018 19:48

You need to see a solicitor, apply for legal aid. You need to build your own case and paper trail of showing that you're no threat and are doing nothing wrong.

beccii161016 · 27/09/2018 22:43

You don't just not have bipolar anymore. You can have stable periods and long ones at that but bipolar is a condition that doesn't go away, it is just managed.

If it's anywhere on her medical records that she has suffered mental health issues, it will have been discussed at her initial midwife appointment as they use it as a factor to determine a high or low risk person. Also, if she truly suffers with mental health, social services will see it because it's not something that you can control and switch on and off.

Agree with everyone else in that you need to have no contact with her. If she tri s to contact you via messages or calls, keep the evidence (call logs, texts etc) but call 101 and tell them that this person has a restraining order and is trying to contact you. Believe me, this will mean she is in the wrong. But if you respond, regardless of what you say (offering support, being nice etc) you'll end up in trouble as she could tell them you've said anything.

You need to focus on being the best person you can be. Stabilise your life in terms of living arrangements, job etc and prove that you can be a good dad. If you stay away from her and can prove that you can be an upstanding citizen for 9 months, that can only go for you.

Regardless of how you feel about her it sounds as if she is ruining your life. Focus on your daughter because this woman is toxic and she could cost you that relationship. You need to show everyone that you can care for your daughter and be prepared to do that.

fruitbrewhaha · 27/09/2018 22:56

As others have already said you need to comply with the 28 day restraining order, the police and social services.

I really think you need to take a break from her. You are clearly looking to reconcile with her, but that is not what you should be aiming towards. You need to be there for your child now, not her.

For whatever reason, she is not good for you, and perhaps you are not good for her. She needs to get herself in order, and you are not the right person to help her.

But you can help yourself. And perhaps in the future you can meet someone who is less complicated

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