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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

5 weeks pregnant and delivered a life changing ultimatum

22 replies

Mason4572 · 27/09/2018 10:00

Hi guys. I have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant to my partner of 16 mths. Our relationship hasn't been fantastic but we love each other, or so I thought. I have 2 kids who are 10 and 9 and he has one who is 5. We dont live together. He has given me a serious ultimatum. Keep the baby and he will leave or abort and we will stay together. I'm so confused as I dont want to abort but I'm scared to be a single mum of 3. We are still together atm but I am starting to resent him for what he is making me do. He said he will do parent this child broken up. Any advice?

OP posts:

Hideandgo · 27/09/2018 10:02

He has made his choice, he doesn’t want this baby.

You need to decide if you want the baby or not. Whether you stay with him is a separate issue. Regardless I’d say he’s a bad person for using this to bully you.

tlmummy · 27/09/2018 10:06

Ltb. A friend of mine was in the exact same situation. She chose to terminate the pregnancy and stay with her partner but she could never get over what he'd made her do, she ended up resenting him and the relationship broke down anyway as she could never get past it.

Imo anyone who would ask you to make a choice like that is a monster. Hugs to you op, it's an awful position to be in

Pibplob · 27/09/2018 10:08

Either way I wouldn’t want to be with that man anymore. I would put him out of the picture and decide whether I wanted the baby or not. He is irrelevant and i wouldn’t be expecting things to be the same after that ultimatum and would be leaving him regardless. He doesn’t want the baby and that is fine but to put it to you like that is awful.

beccii161016 · 27/09/2018 10:08

I mean, regardless of the choice you make, do you think you could stay with him after this?

I'm completely pro-choice IF it is the mothers choice. Obviously fathers have a say but there is voicing your genuine stance on the issue due to your honest concerns and there is issuing an ultimatum to force someone into a life changing decision.

If you choose to abort because it is the right thing for you then that's fine. But aborting for someone else could cause significant harm to your mental health.

Hedgehog80 · 27/09/2018 10:09

I was forced to have a second trimester abortion aged 18. If I could go back I’d have told my mum to fuck off and walked out but I had HG and she terrified me and threatened to throw me out

I know this is different as it’s your partner but anyone who can blackmail and threaten over the life of a child is foul.
The decision has to be yours and yours alone x

Emma765 · 27/09/2018 10:11

I would leave him and then make my choice about the baby. Could never stay with someone who issued an ultimatum like that.

anotherangel2 · 27/09/2018 10:15

As PP said the relationship would be over for me. Get rid of him and then decide if you can if you want to continue with the pregnancy.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/09/2018 10:15

Unless it's what you really want or you feel that it's the only way, an abortion sounds like it would be awful for you. You need to get rid of him though, he's an arse.

Windgate · 27/09/2018 10:21

Whatever you decide the relationship is unlikely to survive. He has every right not to want this pregnancy but he has no say in what choice you make.
Personally at five weeks and facing life as a single parent to three I'd abort. I really wouldn't want to coparent with him but it's your body and your choice.

Evidencebased · 27/09/2018 10:22

The relationship is dead.
It can’t survive this ultimatum, regardless of what you choose to do.

Which is harder? Being a single parent of one more child, or having a termination if you are less than resolute about that?

Snap5 · 27/09/2018 10:24

Same as what everyone else has said here; no one should bully you into making a choice like that, especially not someone who claims to care for and love you. If he can say something like that over this, who's to say he'll stick around even if you were to get an abortion?

I know the idea of leaving a partner can be scary, even more so to then go through a pregnancy on your own, but weigh that up with staying with a person who could give you such a selfish, unfair choice?

What you need to consider is not his feelings in this; as above, get rid of him immediately as his sort of attitude is toxic and a good example of what you can expect any further relationship issues to be like. What YOU need to think about is how much you want this baby, irregardless of him. Do you have good support? Could you cope with a little one and 2 older ones etc xx

Original poster

Mason4572 · 27/09/2018 10:35

Hey guys thank you. I just asked him if he would 100% leave me and he said yes. I said to him how could you do that to your pregnant gf, your a monster and he grab his stuff and said fuck you. Guess he made his decisions. It's over.

OP posts:

Wondermoomin · 27/09/2018 10:50

He's shown himself for what he is, sorry you had to find out in such a way. Now make your own decision about the pregnancy, knowing that your now ex will not be in your life regardless of your decision. He doesn't deserve a place in it now.

Snap5 · 27/09/2018 10:51

I'm sorry it's taken this to happen for you to see the kind of person he really is, you don't deserve that. How are you feeling about it all now he's made his decision OP?

ButAIBUtho · 27/09/2018 10:53

He probably said the exact same thing to his other child's mother.

What a wanker.

Eatmycheese · 27/09/2018 11:00

Fuck him.
Good luck whatever you decide.

Original poster

Mason4572 · 27/09/2018 11:17

I am heartbroken. I dont know how to deal with this. Any advice?

OP posts:

Haireverywhere · 27/09/2018 11:23

Read your previous post! You have just been given the gift of seeing his true colours. Imagine if you'd had a termination to save a relationship with HIM!

You are going to be OK. You still have choices. You need to get your breath back first from this shock.

Wondermoomin · 27/09/2018 12:35

Post on the relationships board - you'll get loads of great advice over there.

overagain · 27/09/2018 13:08

Leave him regardless. He's a total prick and your relationship is over whether you have this baby or not.

Practically - do you rent or own? If you rent is he on the tenancy agreement?

Do you want the baby? if you do, or might do then start taking folic acid and cut out alcohol and smoking (if you smoke or drink obviously!).

Enigmam · 27/09/2018 13:55

In all honesty, your relationship was over the moment he gave you an ultimatum. He will probably leave you anyway even if you were to have an abortion. You choose what's best for you and no one else.

mumoftwox · 27/09/2018 17:54

I honestly would leave him regardless, I could never be with someone who gave me that ultimatum. He should of wore protection if he didn't want any kids

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