Feeling trapped and terrified at 36 weekd

[CathyandHeathcliff]

I’m 36+3 and I feel absolutely terrified and trapped.
People may have seen my other posts previously and that I suffer with anxiety. I know logically I will be having a baby in only a few weeks, that’s my rational brain speaking...but my irrational anxiety ridden brain just feels like it isn’t happening, or if it is, it’s a really scary thought.
It hits me and I get this squeeze like feeling in my tummy, not excitement, but pure anxiety and fear. Like a drop when you go on a rollercoaster or something.

I’ve requested an elective c section as I feel it’s going to give me more control than an unpredictable vaginal birth. However I’m also terrified of this too, hospitals scare the life out of me and everything medical sends me into a panic. Each time I have my BP tested at the hospital or Midwife, it’s always high because of my anxiety.

Can anyone help me? Everyone else (my partner, my parents, his parents and my friends) keep on about how exciting it is and asking me how much I’m looking forward to it.
Every time I speak to my partner and say we’ll have a baby here in a few weeks, I start crying as I can’t help it and he doesn’t understand. He says it seems like you don’t want him to come...I feel like there’s something wrong with me!

You’re full of hormones. When I was pregnant I couldn’t sing because it made me think of singing to my baby, and I’d be overcome with emotion and start to cry. Weird things make you cry when you’re pregnant, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. And having a baby is a big thing to come to terms with. I didn’t get my head round it until after mine was born.

Pregnancy is an emotional process, harder if you suffer with anxiety, I'd talk to the midwife as it sounds a bit like you are suffering from prenatal depression possibly (no offense intended). Least if you voice your feelings they can appropriately support you. I'm due my second ELCS next weds and i have also had two natural births, (have previously commented on one of your other posts) i am nervous but also excited, however it is a harder recovery so you are going to need alot of support, physically & emotionally. I hope the nerves ease up a little and you get to enjoy the birth as much as possible, it will all be worth it when baby is in your arms.💐