Is anyone around for a chat? Don’t want to feel like this anymore

[ThorsMistress]

I don’t know if this is the right place to post and technically I’m not pregnant anymore as had DS last week. But this board has helped me immensely during my pregnancy and I really could use the help again. DS was born last Wednesday he’s absolutely perfect. He was early but only by 4 days. He weighed 5lb 10z so is really quite tiny. Everyone in the hospital, midwives etc kept commenting on his size which made me feel extremely guilty and like I had done wrong by him. I think I’m finally over that now and realise it was nothing to do with me and he’s just a small baby. He’s a typical newborn who sleeps during the day and parties at night so of course i’m exhausted. DP is brilliant and does his fair share but I’m still struggling with the lack of sleep. Because I’m so tired all I want to don’t is chill out. Just sit with my feet up and a coffee. But all I keep getting is message after message about people seeing him. My mum wanted to see him tomorrow but I’m busy all day. She then said that she drops everything for me so why can’t undo the same so she can see her grandson! There was probably an element of a joke in her comment but knowing how tired I am i don’t get why she would say that in the first place. What made it worse was I walked away to save an argument, said my goodbyes and she still kept going! My sibling is also complaining she hasn’t seen him in 3 days. She was meant to pop over today but I fell asleep. So I get guilt tripped over the phone! Because DS is so small he has extra visits. I have said I may not make a visit to see my auntie as the Heath care team are coming. Which was met with a ‘well we’ll just come to you’ but I don’t want them here when DS is getting checked. DS1 has felt the full power of my tiredness and I feel disgusted with myself for letting my temper get the better of me. I’m so so down I don’t want to hold, feed or even look at my baby which makes me feel awful. I have only felt like this today because of everything that’s happened. Has anyone else felt like this? I really don’t want to feel like this anymore

Hun. I think you need to tell people. And be honest with them. Just say you feel tired and you've only just had him you want to settle in your own home with him and recover and relax abit and once you are up for visitors you will let them know. And don't feel guilty about doing it. When I had my 2nd ds. He was in neo for 2 days. When I got home people kept on showing up and I point blank refused them to come in because I was shattered and just wanted some time to recover relax and bond with ds. You have to do what's best for you and the bab. Especially if you feel like that now as u don't want to risk getting psd because of being tired and stressed out. X

I have yet to experience anything like this as I'm only 8w 4d with my first pregnancy but I already plan on laying down the law for the first few weeks after birth. It upsets me that people are like this with you. I think you should ask them to consider how you feel and not push thing things on you. It's not fair. Not everyone is ready for visitors a few days after birth. Their time to visit will come they just have to be patient. Don't let them make you feel bad. It's your child. What you say goes in my opinion.

Sweetheart cut yourself some slack. You're still recovering from birth, and most likely in the depths of baby blues (keep an eye on it, and don't be scared to seek help if you think its PND). Some babies are smaller than others, mine was on the 9th centile until 6mo and people kept thinking she was at least a month younger than she was. It doesnt mean you've done anything wrong. Be honest with your family and say you need to settle in but you'll be in touch as soon as you're ready for visitors. If they are still shitty remind them that they need to remember you have just had a baby, and are caring for it 24 hours a day. He is not there as a form of entertainment for them.

I’m so sorry you feel like this but I think it’s common. As PP have said, you need to tell them that you appreciate that they are excited about your baby but you are exhausted and need to rest for a few days. When my DD was born my mum wanted to fly over from my home country (15 hour flight) for when I was due. I told her absolutely not. I needed at least a couple of weeks to adjust to motherhood and my DP and I wanted to get used to our wee family. I get so upset with how some people treat new mum’s. You go through 9 months of pregnancy and often difficult births to be IMMEDIATELY hounded by everyone to see the baby. It isn’t right at all. Your body has been through so much, you are sleep deprived and probably very hormonal. Being busy with visitors who don’t seem to be that concerned with your mental wellbeing should be pretty far down on your list of concerns. Tell them you are turning off your phone and locking your door. You’ll be in touch when you feel ready.

Hi, please go easy on yourself and set some boundaries with family. I told everybody that them I would see them in a week(was actually 2) when I got back on my feet and had time to spend with baby. Say you are shattered and trying to sleep when baby is sleeping(during the day). Your hormones will still be up in the air so be aware that you may be highly emotional and sensitive. It is a good thing you have family support. Maybe annoying just now, but in a few weeks you will probably be dying to get out and about to chat. Best wishes.

Day 4/5 is prime baby blues time.

Don't be concerned if you cry for no reason and worry about everything. It's normal and your hormones are returning to normal. Make sure you let DH know how you are feeling.

Tiredness is awful. It's a form or torture. For the first couple of weeks it's all about you and the baby. Sit on the sofa. Drink coffee. Eat chocolate and look at that beautiful baby.

Ignore the visitors. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Baby will be there in a few weeks. You need this time together.

If you feel up to visits keep them short. Do Not make coffee. Sit and relax. Let visitors look after you.

Don't worry about your Ds being small. They can change and grow so quickly. My dd1 was a pure chub with 3 chins. My dd2 is a dainty wee fairy. Both full term and both fed the same. They are all different. And at a few days old they are all tiny.

Congratulations on your wee boy x

All I will say is that you totally aren’t alone in feeling like this. It’s so common. Things will get better love and you’ll be in the swing of things in no time. Lots of love to you

Congratulations on the birth of your little one. Don't worry about him being small, mine is still a tiny thing at 5yrs old but he's perfectly healthy. Families can be tricky when babies arrive, as others have said you could just turn your phone off and lock the door after sending a message saying you need to rest or the alternative could be to ask them over so they can look after baby and you can get a few hours sleep. Not as easy if you're breastfeeding but worth considering as it can make a huge difference to how you're feeling and they'll probably love it.

My beautiful DGS was born 12 days ago and came out a lot smaller than expected, which resulted in tests at birth (all fine, he's just a dinky dot 😍). My DD is taking her time to recover from the (traumatic) birth and isn't seeing people yet, they'll just have to wait until she is ready - as should your relatives and friends X I only get to be around him because they live with me, otherwise I'd have to wait too 🙈 Baby blues are common a few days in, give yourself some slack and don't let people upset you even more, they'll just have to understand that they have to wait. Big hugs and congratulations on your little one xo

Thank you all for your kind words. I knew I could count on this board to make me feel better. I’m now crying for completely different reasons! Currently having baby cuddles with my tiny man 😍

Aw sounds like baby blues, tiredness is so so tough. I really hope your family start understanding and give you the space you need. Enjoy the baby snuggles, babies come in all shapes and sizes, try not to worry xx

Very normal. I had no visitors for over a week- and made no bones about saying so. My friends / family were all v understanding - I just said that I was exhausted, emotional and trying to get breastfeeding established, so knew they would understand that I didn’t feel ready for visitors- but they’d be the first to know as soon as I was.

It would take a very selfish person to ignore a message like that.

My ds1 was born a similar size - no warning or obvious reason why, he's 7 now and still on the smaller side but very bright and very healthy.

On the visitors side, fine to say no. Or find a time for you to nap (I know you don't necessarily want to, but it's the only way), whenever your baby most likes to have a longer sleep. I usually tell people to come in the mornings, then I sleep after lunch.
Congratulations and good luck!

Thank you all for your kind replies.

I had a phone conversation earlier with my mum and said how I was feeling. It didn’t end well. I apparently have time for other people but not her. I took DS into work today so see friends but that was apparently out of order and I should of prioritised her. I’m so done. Luckily DP stepped in and took the phone before i said something I would regret!

It is a known fact that nana's get a bit nutty and possessive over their grandchildren when they first arrive. Let DP respond to texts and calls for a day or so and let her cool off! And be easy on yourself those first few days and weeks with 2 are the hardest thing xxxxxx