TTC blues ☹️

[Springflowers321]

How do you beat the TTC / TWW blues?

We’re trying for our first baby and I’m feeling so down in the dumps!
My heart lurches every time I see mums and babies, feels so unobtainable ☹️ Trying to stay positive so any tips or experience would be so greatly appreciated!

Hey @Springflowers321

I'm in the TWW and TTC number 3. We've been trying since February and have had a few chemical pregnancies so now I just try to keep busy. Keep active with work and the kids.

I've no realised no amount of stress is going to make this happen so all I was doing by getting stressed out was ruining my time with DH. I do still desperately hope that this time is the time but I know if it's not there is always next month.

It is the worst. I had to hide friends and family on facebook if they were pregnant or had a baby. I had to smile through my cousins baby shower although I was crying on the inside. It is such a horrible feeling and it's a horrible one to have as you feel so guilty. It isn't them or their child that is making you sad, it's the fact you're struggling that's giving you the blues.

My only advice would be to hide people on Facebook/social media as that is something you can control. I was also really open with my friends and told them I was trying and struggling and finding it hard. My friends were so lovely about it and didn't ask stupid questions or flaunt their fertility at me and I kept up appearances with their kids and pretended everything was OK.

I think you have to fake it until you make it! Remember it can take a while and don't despair.

Write yourself a bucket list of things to get done before you get a bfp!!
A treat a week too!
Bath night, massage night, film night, and don't just have sex the fertile week! Remember it's for fun too!!

@Aprilshowersnowastorm has the best idea ever!!

I started planning special stuff to do when I was ovulation.
So last time it was steak dinner, movies and a generous amount of our favourite alcohol.

I'm already planning next months that I was to go out out for. So even if this month fails we've got fun stuff to do that makes sure we're not getting sucked down the mechanical sex rabbit hole.

Hi!

I started ttc in June 2018, fell pregnant August 2018 and unfortunately had a mmc at only 6 weeks. We were told we could start trying again straight away so I downloaded apps, bought tons of ovulation sticks done all the research and made sure I was doing everything I could to get pregnant ASAP. Month after month my period cycles got longer and longer so I would get my hopes up each month and be heartbroken every time my period came or I got a bfn. One month I even went 69 days without a period I was adamant I was pregnant but then it came. It got to June this year and I went to the doctors and said I think something is wrong how could I possibly not be pregnant and what is going on with my periods, he referred me to the infertility clinic but my appointment wasn't until 11th September. All through July and August I stopped checking my apps, didn't do no ovulation sticks I had totally lost hope. When my period didn't come in August I wasn't suspicious as it had became normal but on 1st September I took a pregnancy test just to check and there it was my bfp I had been waiting for and it was a clear blue digital saying 3+!! I am now 11 weeks 😊😊

I never believed anyone when they said when you stop trying it will happen but it really did for me!

I now think back to when I fell pregnant last year and I know now that I was nowhere near as ready as I am now for a baby, I think everything happens for a reason and your bfp will come when it is ready!

Good luck xx

Gosh thanks so much for your responses guys!
It’s made me a bit emotional haha.
I will try to relax a bit more about it but it’s definitely easy to get wrapped up and live cycle to cycle!
I’m going to try and put myself on a symptom searching ban as well, that’s definitely driving up the wall.

I definitely second coming off social media - worked wonders for me!

Also I know it’s cliche but if you can go on a little holiday or break it makes such a difference.

We went away for a week & although AF came the day after we got there, I wasn’t upset and didn’t think about ttc all week.

We conceived 2 weeks later after 1 year of our trying (had lost all hope) and now I’m 5+2

I am convinced going on holiday and relaxing totally helped!

It’s really tough. There are some very supportive threads in the conception forum that you might find helpful.

I used to let myself have a “misery day” when AF came each month where I let myself stay in bed, have a good cry and indulge all those “everyone else is pregnant except me” thoughts, I would also have a big glass of wine and usually some chocolate cake as well.

The rest of the time I kept a “positive thinking” notebook by the bed and would try and write a few things in it every day - either statistics to reassure myself that the odds were in my favour and I just needed to be patient or other positive thoughts about good things in my life that I would still have even if I couldn’t get pregnant (like my relationship, home, nice holidays etc.).

I tried to plan things to do with my partner so we weren’t totally focused on ttc, even if it was just going out for a walk or a meal, watching a box set together or bigger things like booking concert tickets, planning a holiday etc. That helped to take the pressure off especially for my partner.

I also made an effort with my diet and fitness, cut back on alcohol and caffeine etc. so that each month I didn’t conceive I could focus on the fact that I would be that much more fit and healthy when I did get pregnant.

Pregnancy has been tough at times but it is a joy compared to ttc (took us 8 months in the end). Good luck OP

It is not easy but I have been there ttc for a year (Not too long but still painful each month) its just so full of ups and downs. I would 100% recommend concieve plus lube/gel. Look at the reviews, and the first time I used this I got pregnant. I am SURE this helped (may be wrong but worth it!!)

I’m feeling exactly the same OP, these tips are great, so easy for it to become all consuming and definitley feels like there are babies and pregnant ladies everywhere since starting TTC. I came off social media which has helped a little and trying to plan things so it doesn’t feel like life revolves around something that’s not happening - good luck!

We were trying for 6 months and the thing that was hard for me was feeling like I had no control over it. So I did a lot of scientific research and determined that putting myself and DH on a low sugar diet (inc low carb) might help and after trying it we conceived in the next month.

Now obviously I don't know whether it was really the diet or just luck, but the diet gave me a sense of control that really helped my mental state in that last month.