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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

No birthing partner.. ELCS.. really worried.

15 replies

Cakery · 21/09/2018 17:49

So basically my partner ( now ex ) walked out at 26 weeks
I’ve had the odd text but no real communication and I do not want him in my ELCS. I very very much doubt I’ll change my mind on that.

But my problem is I have no one to ask.
My mum passed away 3 years ago, her best friend has a chronic illness so she said she can come to the hospital once baby is here etc but the pressure of the c Section etc for her isn’t an option which I can completly understand- I also think she’s worried about letting me down as some days she can’t even leave her bed so I categorically understand why she’s told me she can’t come in.

But who do I ask?
I have friends who work, there isn’t really anyone else I’d want to come and sit with me from 7.30am waiting for my section.

Do I just accept I’m going in alone ? Will the midwives be familiar with this ?
I am worried sick, not about the operation I think cause I’ve had a previous ELCS I know what to expect. I don’t even know how to explain what I’m worried about

OP posts:

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Russell19 · 21/09/2018 17:53

Awwwww hun if I lived near you even id offer! If I was you I'd put it out to friends even if they're working. If it was my friend id make sure I was available. If not, do not worry...you can do this on your own. Nothing stronger than a mum and baby.

HughLauriesStubble · 21/09/2018 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Cakery · 21/09/2018 18:00

None of my friends have children and I know it sounds bad but I don’t think it’ll be the support I need, I’m not sure they understand the seriousness?
I checked out my local doulas... then very quickly realised I can’t afford that at all. My ex left me paying for everything.
Is there any sort of doula which is free ??
I’ve checked and sure start isn’t in my area either

OP posts:

Angelmiracle · 21/09/2018 18:10

Hi hun I think you will be totally fine! Midwives are definitely used to this and they will be great. Your medical team will be there for you and your baby. When baby is placed in your arms they are all you will care about. You and baby as your own wee family starting as you mean to go on. Everyone gets scared about delivery of their baby regardless of who is with them but when it comes to it you just want baby out safe and well. You are a strong woman you've got this!! Message on here so we can support you right up until you go in 💕

anxiouswaiting · 21/09/2018 18:13

What area are you in? I used to work as a doula and often did reduced fee or even expenses only at times, also trainees often have reduced rates

Liverbird77 · 21/09/2018 18:14

Where are you based, OP? I work Tuesdays and Fridays but I will come with you if you need it. I am in South Manchester.

BigRedBoat · 21/09/2018 18:20

Have you tried asking your friends who work? I would take a days annual leave to support a friend in your situation. Do you have anyone to help you once you get home with the baby?

Florries · 21/09/2018 18:29

The midwife won't leave you, she will take really good care of you and be better than any birthing partner! When I gave birth and this is just my experience DH could have been on the other side of the world, I only had eyes for my MW as she was guiding me through this new experience. Best of luck!!

PaintBySticker · 21/09/2018 18:34

Hello. I am sorry you’re going through this. I want to reassure you that when I had my ELCS all the staff were lovely - midwife and anaesthetists in particular were great, reassuring me, chatting, just great. The surgeons themselves were only in the room when doing their bit so I didn’t see as much of them.

If I’d had to do it on my own without a birth partner it wouldn’t have been ideal. But it would have been ok. More than ok. The moment they lifted out my baby was incredible and still would have been without my partner.

I’d tell your midwife you’re worried about this and see what they say.

PaintBySticker · 21/09/2018 18:36

And yes, if you were my friend I would absolutely take a day off work to come with you. I’d be honoured.

MrsRonBurgundy · 21/09/2018 18:43

Hi OP

I had an ELCS in May and I did have my partner with me but found that the anaesthetist was actually more of a support (not in a horrible way, I think DH was trying not to pass out!).
She was sat up at my head reporting to me on everything that was happening (because I asked for this, it calms me, but you can opt not to have too much detail). She pushed my hair out of my eyes and was really reassuring and lovely. When baby was on my chest she could tell he was in an awkward position when I was being stitched and repositioned the baby and made sure I was comfy and felt secure holding him.

If you're anywhere in the Midlands, I'm happy to come and support if you'd like somebody there who has recently been through it. I'm on maternity leave at the moment and can usually swing childcare with a parent or DH can take a day off.

Babdoc · 21/09/2018 18:50

I’m a retired anaesthetist, and I’d like to reassure you that the anaesthetist and the anaesthetic nurse will both be with you throughout. I’ve had husbands faint on the floor, or sit with their back to the table, obviously terrified, and I always regarded it as part of my job to support the mother emotionally!
If the DH was doing fine, I’d take a back seat and let him and the mum get on with it, just warning her when there would be some pushing or pulling at the business end.
But mums on their own, or with a useless DH, I would always make a point of reassuring and chatting.
You will be absolutely fine, OP. Not long til you can meet your special baby - and any worries will just melt away at that point! Best wishes for a happy delivery.

ems137 · 21/09/2018 18:51

It's not the picture of the birth you had in mind at the start of pregnancy is it when you end up on your own? I was exactly the same with my 4th. We had no one for childcare on a night time, we had someone (at a push) for day time but I didn't get induced until 11pm so i gave birth alone. Well I wasn't truly alone, the midwife was obviously there to deliver him but I do feel a bit gutted about it all even 14 months later. I would just have preferred to share that moment with someone.

So what I'm trying to say is that are you sure any of your friends can't come? You won't need anyone there but it might be nice. The good thing for you is that there'll be plenty of people around you because you're having a section. There was only me and the midwife and she kept popping in and out x

BlueKittens · 21/09/2018 20:36

In my area we have something called homestart which is staffed by volunteers. Friends who’ve had twins have had support from the female volunteers in the early weeks. I could imagine being asked to support someone with the birth would be an honour and if available in your area (might be under a different name) you should definitely approach them for help. It isn’t means tested.

milney25 · 21/09/2018 21:00

I had a section a couple of months the ago and I actually spend the procedure worrying about my husband as he looked so peaky! The waiting will be boring - take a good book. And after you'll have your baby and you won't even think about anyone else. My experience was that the midwife and other medical staff in the room were excellent and stayed with you. You'll be great!!

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