Hi im new here.
Just wanted to give some background info before i start explaining my issue and start asking for some advice.
I have been married for 5 years and trying for a baby, since. I was pregnant 2 and a half years ago and at around 6 weeks had a miscarriage and since then have failed to get pregnant up until now. I predict i am about 6-7 weeks pregnant.
I currently work two jobs (it happened before i found out i was expecting) and due to my upcoming arrival ive decided that i will carry on with the two jobs for now until it gets a bit too much and i will leave the temp job. The main permanent job (ive been there for 13 years) is a payroll job for a supermarket but due to my contract hours i do another role and start early mornings and the job is a bit of hands on as well as sitting at a desk. And the second job is a small call centre job which is stationary at a desk which i started 4 weeks ago.
Since finding out i was pregnant i have been on edge. Im taking care of myself more as in my husband has began driving me everywhere, he takes care of the household chores etc. Ive began taking the necessary vitamins to help ensure im getting everything i need and getting balanced meals. As well as cutting out caffeine and fizzy drinks and trying to cut out junk.
I informed my boss i was pregnant (i showed him a picture of my clear blue test that said i was 1-2 weeks at the time) and he just said WOW and then walked off. And hasnt discussed any adjustments with me about work etc. When i told the call centre job, they told me that when im ready they would make desk assesments, to take breaks when i needed. And to inform them of any issues and they are pretty flexible to help me out anytime.
But since finding out ive been sick in the early mornings, nauseous, dizzy, hot flushes. Ive called in sick to the supermarket work twice in the 4 weeks ive known. But my boss at the supermarket is really unhappy about it all. The first time i was sick, my boss text me saying that after resting for a few hours could i still come in. And i was shocked at his request because in my 13 years of working ive never had anyone say to still come in if i was sick. But with my gps advice i refused. The next day i returned to work and i could tell he wasnt happy with me because he stopped talking to me. The next time i called in sick was the monday just gone. I had abdominal pains all night and i was convinced something bad was happening. And the last thing i wanted was anything to happen at work. And i thought i would rest at home. He wasnt happy about that either, i could tell by him not talking to me properly, which he does regularly. The next day my boss and i were due to go to manchester for company business and i refused saying i would rather be in my home city than sit in a car with him and be on the other side of the country. I would rather have something happen at home than somewhere else, also i doubt very much he would even help me if something did happen. He wasnt happy with me then.
So on thursday im working and then i go to the toilet and i wipe and i see blood, not loads but noticeable. And instantly i think bad. But i say to myself okay if you feel pain then thats a bit more to go on, go back to work and if you feel pain then you have to go to the hospital. I went back and then again i had to go to the toilet and i wipe and i see blood. Not as much as my first miscarriage, but it was blood none the less. Im literally panicking and i find my boss and i ask him to talk to me in private.
Hes sat at the computer, doesnt have the decency to turn his face to me to talk to me. And i explain whats happened. He says HOW MUCH BLOOD? i say not alot but its still blood. And he says THATS VERY COMMON IN EARLY PREGNANCY (he has two kids) and i said i understand, but i dont want to leave it and thinking its nothing and it turns out to be something. Could i leave and go home so i could maybe go and see a doctor or go to the hospital. He says (still not facing me THATS FINE BUT IM GOING TO BE HONEST YOU HAVING THIS TIME OFF IS BECOMING AN ISSUE HERE, YOUR ROLE IS CRITICAL TO THE STORE AND THE TIME IS CRITICAL AND YOUR STRESSING TOO MUCH AND ITS IMPACTING THE STORE. I explain that im sorry but you know ive had a miscarriage in the past and i want to just be careful. He still doesnt look at me AND SAYS YOU CAN GO HOME IF YOU WANT BUT WE WILL NEED TO DISCUSS THIS AT ONE POINT. he says other things but my focus is just going home so i can go to the doctors
I say thankyou and walk into the break room and ring my husband to come pick me up. And i break down crying to my colleague who is on her break.
I got more upset at his reaction because i felt like he wasn't respecting me. I said i find him to show no compassion. He didnt have to say all that. He knows i had a miscarriage and i suffer with anxiety and depression. I thought a normal human being would say THATS OKAY GO AND GET IT CHECKED OUT AND THEN LET US KNOW (which is what the call centre did when i informed them i wouldnt come to work that evening) but instead he made me feel even worse. I understand when people say i shouldnt stress but sometimes its hard not to. Every little thing just makes me think could i have done something that has jeopardised my pregnancy. After speaking to my midwife she said get some rest and if the bleeding gets heavy then you will have to go. Thankfully the bleeding has stopped for now.
If he felt like my pregnancy absence was impacting the business thats something he could have spoken to me about another time when i was a better frame of mind rather than say it when my mind is all over the place. I understand my role is critical to my workplace, but i find him to be a hypocrit because the past four weeks ive been used to fill the mistakes he makes when he comes to filling out the staff rota. And i am still behind on my payroll work.
And i feel likes targetting me, because since hes been there a few people have become pregnant, and they used to take time off all the time. One girl gave a sick note for two weeks saying that it was pregnancy related and we found her uploading pictures from lanzarote saying she was having a great time. Obviously this was made known to the same boss. But she is still working with us no problems. One girl had her entire pregnancy off paid and then even was allowed to take her maternity leave as normal. But i took two days in four weeks and my boss is making out im letting the team down.
I discussed with my husband how i was feeling and he said was it the strain of two jobs that were stressing me out. I said not really. Im fine with working in both places. Only when my boss isnt around. When my boss isnt around im fine. Even when i feel a little bit ill. My other team members help me and are so supportive. Its just when he is there he doesnt like them supporting me. I know what my boss is doing. He is comparing his wifes pregnancy to everyone elses. But i want to say to him just because your wife had a hunky dory pregnancy doesnt mean everyone else will. My mother was fine with my two older brothers and my younger brother but she said with me it was awful.
Although now resting at home i have felt no pain nor seen anymore blood from the time i was at work. I still feel like im not out of the safe zone yet.
My doctors and counsellor have suggested that i take a sick note because they can see how my boss being there is making me more anxious and stressed out, and i explained how hands on the job is at work and my doctor just wants me to pass the risk period. But i explained i can't because i wont be able to go to my call centre job, but again if it meant it was detrimental to my health, i wouldnt go to either.
Right now im just wondering what i should do and am asking for your advice. Im wondering should i take the sick note and worry about him later. Or should i complain to higher management about his behaviour with me. His behaviour anyways before i found out i was expecting was rude and informal anyways (like he would use foul language when talking to me) . But i just wasnt bothered and let it go over my head but now it just bothers me and it makes me more anxious. Im scared to ask him anything, and im scared about maybe calling in sick again if i really need to. I know i will need to ask him for time off for maternity appointments and i know he will be awkward and wont give me an answer till the last minute (as he usually does)
Can someone give me some advice as to what they would do in my situation.
Thankyou in advance ladies