Almost 16 weeks pregnant and still so anxious about miscarriage

[CobaltRose]

Hi all, this is likely to be long and rambly but bear with me!

This is my second pregnancy. Unfortunately my last pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks back in April. This was almost certainly caused by chromosome problems and not anything I did or didn't do.

I'm naturally a worrier anyway, but since my miscarriage and becoming pregnant again it seems to have increased 100 fold.

I'm now 15+4, and all scans and tests so far have shown that baby is perfect. I'm not in pain or bleeding, I've started getting a noticeable bump, my boobs have started leaking, and I've even felt the first faint flutterings of movement (although that may have been gas ), so I don't really have any real reason to worry, but that doesn't stop me.

One of my main worries is that I have been taking cocodamol for severe migraines pretty much since I found out I was pregnant. I don't take a huge amount (usually 3 tablets that contain 8mg of codeine each a day) but information on cocodamol in pregnancy appears to be mixed, with some sources saying that it's fine and others saying to not take it. I have cut down and plan to stop completely before baby is born but I'm terrified I've harmed babe already. Although I have seen quite a few posts from ladies on here who also took cocodamol during pregnancy and their babies were fine.

I know I probably am worrying over nothing and need a good shake, but can anyone else relate? I've got a private gender scan booked for next week and am so excited, but also so scared that something may go wrong!

You really need to seek counselling.

Kinda blunt but I guess I need that.

Can entirely relate. It’s common to worry like this after a loss too. Counselling might help, but probably it’s just going to take time. I found that the worry did lessen with the second and third trimesters especially when movements get stronger.

I don't think you do need that.
I think it's great that you've managed to cut down, but it still might be worth speaking to your GP or MW and getting their opinion? I'm sure baby will be fine though. It's natural to worry after what you've been through.
Best of luck with your scan next week! I have my 20 week scan, so am feeling exactly the same as you, both scared and excited!

To be honest OP I've tried being gentle and saying it, but you have posted the same thing so so many times I just wonder what's going to change?
I thought when you were further along you may feel more reasurred but I suppose at every stage of pregnancy you (you as in, anybody) worry about something new.
For example, when I reached 24 week viability stage I thought 'whoop!' But then realised that for the most part at that point it just changes from 'miscarriage' to 'still birth'.
But then I figured that was morbid and I didn't dwell on it after that.

There's a whole heap of things I've not allowed myself to dwell on for the same reason.
That's the thing, it sounds, given all your posts, that you spend a very significant amount of time dwelling on this stuff and this is what makes me really really think you need counselling. At this point (unlike before) I don't think it's going to get better as your pregnancy progresses, I just think the anxiety and worry will change.
When I lost a baby at 15 weeks I saw a psychotherapist, so whilst a counsellor is trained to listen, a psychotherapist is trained further so they can actively give you suggestions of how to cope and how to help yourself. They are much more involved in strengthing you and aiding you. Mine was absolutely awesome, really lovely woman.

I really recommend you seriously look into it. Believe me the worry gets so so much worse when they are born.

I do understand where you're coming from. I don't dwell on it constantly (as in it's constantly on the forefront of my mind) but it is always in the back of my mind. I do know I'm being pretty unreasonable so there is that. I suppose that, because I thought everything was fine last time round and it really wasn't, I'm scared of a repeat.

Thanks again. I'm sorry if my posts have annoyed anyone but I've found this site to be a great support.

And so sorry for your loss too.

I took a load of antibiotics throughout my pregnancy and was worried the same as you. Please try not to worry.

It's totally normal to feel anxious after a loss, and please rest assured that this type of anxiety is not that uncommon.

Try to have a word with your MW if she's approachable. Either that or GP as anxiety can really eat away at you during such a naturally worrying and hormonal time.

For what it's worth, I think you are doing a great job and make sure you give yourself a break, pregnancy after a loss is so hard

Thank you everyone. I did speak to a friend who is a midwife and she said that co-codamol is regularly prescribed to pregnant women, which has helped somewhat.

Don't get me wrong, I am utterly overjoyed to be pregnant again but can't feel like I can relax! It has improved somewhat as time has passed but I don't think it'll ever fully go until baby is in my arms ❤

Oh, and I did mention my previous loss and anxiety to my midwife and she was quite dismissive. She just shrugged and said "I can't look in a crystal ball and say everything will be fine!" which is totally true but didn't do much to improve my anxiety

Honestly OP it gets worse when the baby is here. You love them SO much that the worry is amplified times a thousand. It's definitely worth looking into.

I don't think you necessarily need counselling. I've had three miscarriages. Found an anomaly at the 20 week scan. Didn't get the all clear until 27 weeks. Up until then I was a terrified mess and was sure being a mum was just not meant to be. Since week 30 and my positive growth scans, things have improved. I'm 33 weeks now and starting to feel more positive.

Sadly, we are affected by what life throws at us, and as terrified as you feel, it's a normal reaction to loss. It means you care. Please just make sure you talk to someone in real life and not just us on the internet.

Miscarriage rates are very low after 16 weeks! Wishing you all the best OP.

@CobaltRose I think we have messaged each other before on here! I can totally relate and posted similar just yesterday!!! You don’t need councilling, you just need support from people who can relate to how you’re feeling! All we can do is
Take things one day at a time. I’m
16 weeks today after 2 miscarriages and it’s so hard to relax into the pregnancy without worry. I had my 16 week midwife appointment today and after a few painful minutes heard a wonderful heartbeat! My midwife is an angel and has told
Me just to call and book in if I ever want to have a listen, so I’m going back in 2 weeks! Which will break up the 4 weeks between today and 20 week scan! I’m sure your midwife would offer this reassurance too if you speak to her? How are your migraines now? Mine were horrendous in my previous pregnancies with aura too! Touch wood none yet this pregnancy!!! X

While I agree in some ways that it gets worse once the baby is born - in other ways so much more is within your control so I found I relaxed a lot more. I think you’ll also relax a lot more when you start properly feeling the baby move. I’m currently 14 odd weeks with my second and I’m definitely just as if not more worried than before! I think cos now I also associate it with a little person as I’ve watched it happen!

So I do think it’s completely normal and obviously you only post when feeling worried - you don’t come on and post “hey guys I feel great today, nothing more to add!”. However I do think it’ll get better for you as you feel the baby.

Counselling may help though tbh if it gives you some methods to help eliminate the stress but I don’t think you’re that unusual at all to worry!!!