to find out or not to find ?out

[Sandstormbrewing]

The sex that is. Tomorrow it's the anomaly scan, and provided all is ok (fingers crossed, the scanxiety is high!) we will be offered to find out the sex if it is visible (it's plastered all over the scan department that we will). With DS we didn't even consider finding out and weren't asked (different NHS trust). This time DH doesn't want to find out but I do, reasons being that I really haven't connected well with this pregnancy, even considered terminating and I'm still not sold on the idea of 'mum of 2'. I can't picture the baby or life with 2 and I think knowing the sex will help with that.

What do you think?

I have found out in both my pregnancies. A lot of people said to me that it's one of the few surprises in life why spoil it whereas my argument is either way there will be a baby at the end regardless baby being boy or girl so not really spoiling it for me. However given that you have mentioned not really feeling connected, I would say to find out that way you can decide on a name, pick out clothes etc. If you are able to, a lot of private scan places offer a 'bonding package'. Hope all goes well tomorrow!x

I haven't found out in either of my pregnancies as I like the surprise at the end. It's a personal choice though and plenty of people think putting it off is pointless/silly/impractical... It sounds like you have a good reason to find out, if you think it will help with bonding, and ultimately when you find out changes nothing in the grand scheme of things, it's just a preference for knowing ASAP or wanting to wait. Good luck with the scan, whatever you decide.

FWIW I haven't felt as connected with my second pregnancy, for a combination of factors. I got a Mexican Bola necklace recently, which has really helped with the connectedness. Might sound silly, but putting it on each day has felt like I'm doing something for the baby and helped with bonding.

I found our with my first 2, now that am pregnant with my 3rd which will be my last I really want to keep it a surprise as I won't experience it again!! I wish I kept it a surprise with first 2! but totally up to you and ure partner benefits to finding out and not to xx

I think it may help you feel more connected if you can start saying 'him' or 'Her' and can pick a name and buy gender specific items (if you're that way inclined). Have you spoken to your midwife about how you feel as that seems like a risk factor for PND?

I found out on both. I felt it was just as much of a lovely surprise at the scan as it would be at birth. I had anomalies and issues with my first pregnancy which really affected how I connected with unborn baby as well. I found knowing the sex and being able to build something of an identity really helped me. Good luck, either way!

CrabbyPatty I had awful PND with DS, so already had that conversation. Unfortunately it's a bit of a cycle- terrible experience means dreading this one, which increased risk!

I’ve never found out but your reasons for wanting to seem totally reasonable! If DH really doesn’t want to know could he just look away/cover his ears while they tell you?