Husband disappointed - reassurance please

[girly19]

Hi ladies.

So, today I had my 20 week scan. Baby is lovely and healthy and I'm over the moon. Trouble is, my husband had his heart set on a boy and is now disappointed. He's thrilled that he baby is healthy and obviously still wants the baby etc but he just pictured two boys (we have DS already).

I'm totally heartbroken, I didn't expect him to react this way and it's really ruined what should have been the best news. Of course I'm still over the moon and can't wait to meet my baby but I just feel really sad and alone to be honest.

My mum knows but I don't want to tell anyone else as 1) I don't want anyone to think less of him as he is a really great guy and we've been very happy. 2) I'm hoping he'll soon just get over it and that's it's just a blip.

I do understand his reasons (although don't agree) as he said he's scared for her and that the world is a scary place for a young women. He's worried she'll get picked on and that she might end up with a horrible partner etc. (I think he's been watching too much TV and this is 2018 although I know his heart is in the right place).

I suppose all I'm looking for is someone to tell this to and also some reassurance that it's just a phase and he'll be over it in no time.

(Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading if you made it this far xx)

Thanks so much for replying everyone. Feeling a bit better for sleeping on it and will give him some time to come to terms with everything. He's a fantastic father to my do and don't doubt he will be for this little one too xxx

Hubby has been much more himself since the day after the scan. He's explained to me how he's feeling and I get where he's coming from. We've been talking a lot about names etc xx

P.s I had changed my name for the post as didn't want judgement etc from anyone I knew x

Being a woman is amazing and this is the best time to be one... this isn't the 1950s! To say he's worried about her future is a little odd... he'll come round I'm sure!! One of each!!

He will get over it.
My husband’s siblings all had girls, so my dh was desperate for a boy.
When he found out that we were expecting a girl he was disappointed and couldn’t even hide it. Even the sonographer commented on dh’s lack of enthusiasm.
I was hurt and a little angry at his reaction to be honest. In fact we had an argument on the way back from the hospital
When dd arrived he was absolutely thrilled .
He is now embarrassed by his behaviour and is the best father

There's loads of posts on here about gender disappointment and most are women upset about having a son so I don't see why it's any worse for a man to prefer a boy.

People often seem to feel more comfortable parenting their own sex for some reason

It will all turn out fine :)
When we found out we were having a girl I felt that my partner was a little disappointed that she wasn’t a boy as before he kept saying it’s a boy! I want a boy.
After a while he was out buying outfits for her, telling me his favourite girls names and now at 6 months old the bond is amazing. The love they have for each other melts my heart. He later told me was his just worried about having a girl as when she’s older he knows what men are like.

I think the world's a bit shit for boys now too to be perfectly honest.

I really appreciate you all sharing your experiences, nice to know others feel this way. I have no concerns about him being a fantastic dad to this little one - he adores our son. Xx

I have a good friend who have felt (to their own horror) disappointed when their second child was not the same gender as their first. They soon got over it, but said it seemed to be because they felt comfortable with the gender they were used to parenting and had a bit of a freak out that this would be a totally different experience and they would be back to square one again rather than an experienced parent. They are all absolutely fine and it was just a short-term reaction. Give it some time and try not to stress

Funnily enough my DH really wanted a girl, at 16 weeks we found out we were having a boy. He was slightly disappointed but quickly got over it when he got his head around it. Now DS is here and the two of them are thick as thieves. Give him time to process the news!

well its not as if he hasnt got a son... he already has one! im sorry but this would really upset me too, who cares if its a girl or boy?! he should be over the moon that baby is healthy. Now he has a healthy son and a daughter, most people would be over the moon to have one of each!

I know exactly what you mean, he is thrilled that baby is healthy and she is still very much wanted, it's just not what he'd pictured.

He knows how lucky we are and that some people don't get this chance etc. He obviously just needs to work through how he's feeling and man up x

Oh my husband wanted a boy as well - he wasn't disappointed as such when we found out she was a girl but he likened it to having the choice between a Lamborghini and a Porsche...if he had the choice he'd choose a Porsche but would be more than happy to be given a Lamborghini! Quite a good analogy I thought.

Anyway, he couldn't adore our daughter more and couldn't imagine her not being a little girl now!