How do you know what to do?

[Cat32tt]

This may seem like a strange question but here goes...

I am around 8 weeks pregnant with first DC and realised that I don't actually know anything about caring for a baby, have never changed a nappy, have no idea how much to feed them or when, and only discovered the rules on no blankets / bumpers etc when on here

So how do you know what to do?

Is there any books etc that anyone can recommend?

Ask questions.

My mum says that she had no idea what she was doing when she had my sister, but she asked family members for advice.

Ask on here, look on google... there are so many more resources available to us than previous generations.

We'll muddle through :) I've learnt so much just by being on here x

When i had my first DC (he is now 8) i didn't have a clue about babies! I never had any younger cousins etc i was the youngest and my brother & sister didn't have children either! I spent my time reading about what not to do, what is ok and everything in between! But in the end its a learning curve when baby is here, what may work with one baby won't with another and they aren't always textbook babies! My hubby on the other hand knew how to change a nappy and showed me, i asked the midwifes for advice if i had any questions and i tried to get to know my babies cues and went to baby groups also. I think you will do just fine just don't be afraid to ask for help or to be shown something. I'm now expecting #4 in a couple of weeks and i love being a mum but i remember the daunting feeling like it was yesterday. Your midwife will be able to suggest the best books i remember being given one by them when i was first pregnant all from bump right till they were 5 with loads of advice in. Congratulations x

I was the same as you- luckilyfor me, DH has a big family with plenty of younger siblings and cousins so he was an old hand with changing and bathing etc.

To be honest, a lot of it is common sense when you start doing it. It seems daunting at first but once you’ve done it once or twice, it becomes routine. There is also an element of instinctively knowing what the problem is if the baby is upset or grumpy- once you get to know them and their cues it’s really obvious that they’re hungry or overtired etc.

I think it's a bit daunting for everyone with their first baby. I remember getting DD home from the hospital and the realisation it was just me and DP on our own scared me to death, and I had a bit of an emotional breakdown within 5 mins of getting through the door. But we were fine! You get into the swing of it quite quickly. Don't be afraid to ask you're mum/MIL or any other relative or friend that has children for help and advice. My mum was round most days after I had DD and was a big help! Go to anenatal classes when you're further along, we initially thought antenatal classes would be just about labour and delivery but the last couple of classes were all about caring for a newborn. They were really helpful and informative. Plus you'll have your community midwife round to visit in the first couple of weeks of birth I think, and she will only be a phone call away if you have any questions. After that you'll have the health visitor. Anything else you're unsure of you can always come on here and ask other mummies for their advice. In the meantime just do some research, get a book on caring for a baby, or just consult mr Google. You're only 8 weeks pregnant so you've plenty of time to read up on things you're not sure about. Also if any of your friends or relatives have a baby, offer to lend a hand with them, get a bit of practice holding them, feeding a bottle etc. You'll be absolutely fine!

Honestly you're instinct eventually just takes over and you will be a pro in no time. When DD was born neither me or DP had a clue! We now have a very happy healthy 2 year old, and we often laugh about how a pair of numpties like us have managed to raise such a lovely little girl and we've all got through it relatively unscathed up to now 😂🙈

You will be fine! Do not worry!

I used to buy a 'pregnancy and birth' mag with the weekly shop when I was pregnant first time.

Our local clinic ran antenatal classes for free for a course of about 8 weeks. Run by local midwives and health visitors, it was excellent and covered everything from pregnancy, birth and beyond. Our local hospital ran evening classes where you had a tour of the delivery suite and learned positions for labour and options for birth, including water birth and C-sections. My midwife gave me all the info for these, so ask yours at your next appointment.

I don't know if your local area offers anything similar? Facebook and Google might give you some local groups/resources.

Good luck with the pregnancy - and remember, we're all just winging it!

You make it up as you go along. 🤣

Can't be difficult because even the most stupid people manage it.

There's always Google or the internet to help if you're genuinely stuck (or the midwife)..

As to what not to do: you'll be given lots of leaflets and advice by professionals. Some of it you will disregard as it doesn't work for your baby.

I'd never held a baby before I had my DD. I just do what is best. Hasn't been a problem until now (with help from my wonderful midwife I should add).

I had no idea, not a clue, both my husband and myself and never even held a baby. But I spent 9 months research. Google everything. Every question you have, you'll find an answer. I read blogs, watched YouTube videos, asked and spoke to anyone. You don't have to do things their way but it gives you an idea. Instagram is good too. Follow some mums. I'm four months in and so far so good!

I am in the same boat at 16 weeks pregnant. I do a lot of googling and looking at posts on here, netmums ect

We plan on going to antenatal classes I have been told they are very useful. I have also been told something just "clicks" when you have your baby so I am hoping it does

Good luck ❤️

We found the NHS antenatal class was all we needed. It was 1-2 hours and covered all the basics. I wouldn't bother paying for classes unless you want to socialise etc.

Thanks so much for all of your responses! I suppose it is straight forward and common sense where to find the answers but daunted is most definitely the word! 💐

Another person who had never held a baby until I held my own. I remember the first night in hospital and DS was sick in his cot, so I needed to change the sheet. I literally had no idea what to do. I asked someone who worked at the hospital, what do I do? And she looked at me like I was the most stupid person ever. She said, you change the sheet! and handed me one. Clearly still having no idea how I was supposed to hold a baby and change a sheet at the same time she passed me DS and did it for me. Looking back I cringe, but I honestly couldn't comprehend how I was going to get around this puzzle!

But you'll get there and you'll know. Everyone does. Also, those late night feeds allow for a lot of Google time!

Read, read, read. There's loads of stuff out there and once you're armed with the knowledge, you can decide what works for you when baby is here and you get to know them.

In terms of nappies, dressing babies etc I had never changed a nappy before DS was born. I was terrified and convinced I'd be awful but honestly it's just something you learn as you go along and you'll be absolutely fine. I treated DS like a china doll for the first month!

There's a lot of pressure for it to be "natural instinct" and to "know you baby" which you will eventually but it can take a couple/few months and that's totally normal!

Definitely read up though. I can't recommend Wonder Weeks app enough, also I used Ovia Parenting. It's really helpful to understand where they are developmentally and how it's affecting them as they go through a lot of "leaps" that affect fussiness, sleep etc.

Good luck, you'll be fine!

Your midwife or local NCT might be helpful for you. I was the same OP and didn't believe in maternal instinct and have since been proven wrong - it does exist! I did find the NCT course very useful and I've made friends for life. They will have kids the same age as yours and this is useful for the lovely days of mat leave too. The midwife course was a lot about pregnancy and labour but NCT was the practical stuff about newborns and it's very relaxed so you have a chance to ask questions and learn from others.

I have a 4 yo and a 7 month old and I still don't know what to do. Wing it! That's what everyone does!!! Congrats on the pregnancy xx

Sorry not read all posts because I'm shattered! But I actually think its quite nice to learn for the first time with your baby. I was a neonatal nurse for 4 years so i've done all my firsts (e.g. first baby birth, countless nappies, bottle feeds, cuddles etc) with other people's babies. Don't get me wrong its a privilege, but I kind of feel like I know too much about 'the right way' to do things.

I worried about this! As hidden says, you just wing it. The midwife comes to visit as soon as you get home, so she will check you're not doing anything totally disastrous like feeding the baby spam fritters. It's daunting, but you soon find your own way; the best advice I could give you is to find what works for you rather than worrying that you/your baby isn't doing things the same way as others. Congratulations!

There's a book called "Your baby week by week: the ultimate guide" by Caroline Fertleman. I would take the "baby will do this this week" with a pinch of salt as they all develop at different stages but the guide on amount of food and sleep each week was useful and there's lots of other general info in there as the well. First Time Parent by Lucy Atkins is also good.

In short, you don't!

As others have said, you just have to wing it. I think it took me 20 minutes to put on a nappy for the first time!

I'm in the same boat as you and expecting her any day now :) I've been reading lots and also learnt a lot on mumsnet. I've asked my mum/sister so many questions and I feel fairly well armed now although that's not to say I'll get all flustered when she's here! I keep thinking about the first nappy change in the hospital and first time she cries and people look to me to know what to do but we'll just figure it out as everyone else before us has. Congratulations!

Thank you for all of the advice 😊feeling a bit better now knowing that I'm not the only one who feels/ felt this way. Will be ordering the books etc and making notes from Mumsnet!