MMC at 16/20 weeks - options

[ToffeeForEveryone]

I'm sorry to post this here but I got no response on the miscarriage forum. I'm seeing the doctor later this morning and have no one in real life who's been through this to ask.

Had my 20 week scan yesterday and found out baby had died around 16 weeks. Had been trying for about 2.5 years to conceive, just still in complete shock. We'd heard the heartbeat at 16+2.

Reason I'm posting is I had a fairly traumatising and lengthy induction for my first (only other) pregnancy, resulting in c section as after everything they could do I only dilated 4 cms anyway. I was planning a c section for this pregnancy as a result.

The only options I've been given here are to be induced or wait and let nature take its course (not recommended because of infection risk). I was told they don't do any surgical d&c/d&e option because of risk of damaging my cervix.

Is this right? Is there no other option but to labour this late on? Some things I've found suggest surgical management is only in first trimester but others say it's possible up to 20 weeks.

It's going to be awful regardless but the really long labour last time messed me up and I'm horrified at the thought of going through it again.

I don’t have any advice but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry for your loss.

Oh I’m so sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice I’m afraid. I did think under 24 weeks you could have surgical management so perhaps ask for a second opinion just in case.
I’m sorry I dont have any answers for you but didn’t want to read and run. Xx

@ToffeeForEveryone I'm so sorry to hear your news, there is nothing I can say to help but please know you're in my thoughts and prayers. The exact same thing happened to us in Feb when we went for our 20 week scan and lost our daughter Penny.

I was induced and had her relatively quickly - induced at 11am and delivered her at 5pm, the midwife said this was partly thanks to her being so tiny. What I will tell you is that the pain relief offered is different to that if you were birthing a live baby, and I'd recommend taking it all. My midwife told me "don't try to be a hero" and it was the best advice I could have had.

If you ever need to talk or have any questions feel free to get in touch. Xx

Hi i'm sorry to read this.

How awful. As far as i know nhs wont do d&c after 12 / 13 weeks but mary stopes do. I'm not sure if you have to pay but it is worth enquiring.

It is also worth speaking with the hospital again and expressing your concerns. I had an mmc at 14+2 last year. I was very fortunate that they agreed to a erpc due to my history and the fact the baby was small for gestation due to what was wrong with it.

So sorry for your loss. Sending lots of love.

Op I'm so very sorry

I don't have any answers but just wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am x

I experienced this at similar term and really feel for what you are going through.

I also have an only dc who was delivered by ELCS, same plan was for this dc too.

I was told I would have to go in for induction. I took a tablet and had to return a day or two later.

We were able to spend time with our ds which we wanted to do although everyone is different.

I'm wishing you strength and look after each other.

'What I will tell you is that the pain relief offered is different to that if you were birthing a live baby, and I'd recommend taking it all.'

I agree entirely

for Penny and you

I'm so sorry. The NHS does do later surgical management, but it's more specialised and carries more risks so wouldn't be the first option. Depending on the size of the baby not every hospital has the equipment and people trained to do it. Going through labour in this scenario is very different to your first labour. What was it that you found traumatising from the first induction? For example, if it was very painful then they can discuss pain relief option and you should be offered things much earlier; if it was the environment then you would be in a single room with a dedicated midwife this time. Your cervix won't need to open much as the baby is much smaller this time, so the process won't be as long. I hope they can discuss all your concerns with you to help you make a plan.

No advice but so so sorry hear this xx

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I've been there. My baby's heart stopped and I found out at 15 weeks.
I decided to go for the induction, it meant for me that I met my baby, it also meant I took him home was able to cremate him privately and I have his ashes.

The pain relief is very very well managed for two reasons.
First of all, the nurses and MW's explained to me that pain was a very real fear for someone going through this because it's bad enough going through the emotional pain but to have to cope with physical pain on top is just too much. It's a very normal worry for women who have to endure this.

Secondly, of course there is pain relief you can have that you can't when you're pregnant with a live baby. Sorry I wish there was a better way of me putting that.

I had all the pain relief. The second I felt a twinge, I asked for morphine. I just didn't want any pain.
As it was, I felt nothing. To the point where I really thought I needed a wee and that's when he came out. They warned me that this could happen so told me not to wee into the toilet itself but to put a bed pan there.

They will also offer to take the baby for a massive cremating (with other babies) which will have a particular place in a church yard where you can go and see your baby.

Lots of people choose this but I couldn't, I wasn't ready to let my baby go and I needed to have him close to me which is why I wanted to keep his ashes.

I also got counselling afterwards because I started drinking heavily in the days and weeks afterwards because I couldn't cope.

The counselling pulled me out of that quite quickly. We went privately because I was in a pretty desperate situation at that point, I couldn't wait for NHS lists.

If you need any more information please feel free to PM me. Xx

*mass cremating. Not massive