House move disagreement - move before/after baby arrives?

[Mum2b13]

Hi,
I'm wondering what others have experienced when moving house when pregnant or after baby has arrived.
I'm pregnant with my first baby and tbh everything is feeling pretty overwhelming right now.
My husband is so excited to be a dad and we'd discussed moving house previously as neither of us want to live near the city for much longer. I've always said I wanted to move before we started a family and when I found out I was pregnant, we discussed moving again. I feel I would rather move now so when baby arrives things are already settled and that I won't meet other new mums and start to build some support/friendship networks, only to move away.
We are currently mortgage free but aware that what we both want in our next house will mean having a small mortgage again. The money side of things is the reason why my DH has now changed his mind.
I'm beyond furious that we appeared to be on the same page, for him to then just say no, we should stay where we are for financial reasons.
We both have reasonably well paid jobs and a small mortgage would not be a financial difficulty.
I want to move to be closer to family and friends and to find our next house now whilst things are less complicated with just two of us to get packed up and moved.
Am I being totally unreasonable? I feel like if we don't move now we never will because the mortgage issue will never go away.
I'm really emotional and pretty low and wondered what experiences other Mum's have had when it's come to deciding to move?
Thank you
Annie

I can understand why your husband doesn't want to move while you are pregnant as moving house is stressful enough without pregnancy on top of it.

I've friends and family have moved before and after their first baby arrived. Those who have moved in the same area regardless are the ones who while stressed found it doable.

One of the main issues is housing chains fall down all the time and there is no guarantee you will actually be in your new property well before you go into labour.

No experience myself but how pregnant are you and are you in a buoyant property area? I ask because if a sale takes say 4 months in a chain and you are already 4 months or so, factoring in the inevitable period where everything shuts down over Dec as nobody wants to move at Christmas, you may be nearly full term when you complete.

That said if getting a mortgage I would want to do it now and not on mat leave income levels.

Once you have a dependent, you might find you can't get as big a mortgage as you can now, because your income might go down and/or you might have childcare costs to factor in. If you only need a small mortgage then this may not matter but I'd still be wary -- mortgage companies know babies create costs and will assess your application with that in mind.

I would move now. It’s FAR better to get settled and even if you move when you’re heavily pregnant or the baby has arrived you’ll be in your new home and area. Getting settled.

Your DH is being unreasonable, especially if you only need a small mortgage.

Move now.
MOVE NOW!!
The baby is contained and is hopefully causing you little hassle.
Although PP are correct, can you be sure that you will complete before the birth.
Once the baby is here, simple things will become a complete mission.
It's not impossible but I think it will be a lot easier if you move while you are still pregnant.

Get a mortgage now before you go on maternity leave and moving before the baby is here is definitely the best option. I moved last pregnancy at 5.5 months. I’m currently in first trimester and we’v just put our house on the market again with a view to moving before the baby is here. It takes a while for a house sale to go through even in a buoyant market.

Top tip- don’t paint yourself as desperate to move because you’re having a baby as people will try and use it against you (speaking from experience). I know someone who got squeezed out of more money because the vendor knew they wouldn’t walk away. Ended up paying far more than the house is worth.

Also being mortgage free when having your first child is a unusual position to be in. Tell your husband he’s being ridiculously risk averse! No reason to not be able to service a mortgage at your stage in life, unless you have major health problems. He needs to get a grip and understand what it is like for the vast majority of families who have no choice but to take on big mortgages in this housing market (when the alternative is paying extortionate rents and having no security).

Well I only have one experience - moving house when my baby was like 7 weeks old - and OMG I wish I had moved whilst pregnant. We had planned to do that but it didn't work out. The first fortnight in our new house we still had workman coming in and out etc. Baby is 12 weeks now and there is still painting and unpacking to do, the yard needs sorting, the carpet fitters are coming today, then we've stumbled upon new problems like damp apparently leaking from under the bath and some from outside as well...the list of jobs goes on and on. I think we'll be lucky to have it all sorted by Christmas. My baby doesn't sleep much during the day and needs to be entertained constantly and cries a lot so I can't really do anything but very basic house chores in the day and obviously DH is at work all week. If you can move when pregnant it will be hard but nowhere near as hard as having a small baby!

I think you are absolutely right about making friends in the place you intend to stay. We did NCT, made lovely friends then moved when DS1 was 1 and I felt very isolated. It wasn't until DS2 came along that I really managed to make a group of friends in our new area.

I moved house at 8 months pregnant with my second. My first was only year old. It was far easier to do before number two arrived. We had a moving company and then family come to help us unpack and babysit all the small children. It was done in a weekend. I had no idea where things had been unpacked to, but at least it was all out of boxes.

Before, before, before!

It is so much easier, you have so much more time, freedom and flexibility.

Afterwards, one of you is looking after the baby at all times and yes, you can carry a young baby around while you house hunt but you will be more or less preoccupied with them. The more active they become, the harder it will be to schedule time together as a couple to look, plan, discuss, prepare. Possible but much harder than while you're just two adults.

Immediately afterwards, well, who knows. You or the baby could be in hospital for weeks or quite incapacitated. The baby could be a particularly bad sleeper etc. Hopefully not but, you cannot know in advance how things will be afterwards. You have to assume you are not available for other pursuits for a few months.

If you wait, you'll be waiting a while. A few years by the sound of it. That will scupper your, very sensible, idea of settling into the new area and meeting other parents through toddler groups etc who you can remain friends with throughout the pre-school years and potentially forever. If you're closer to family too, that is invaluable (if they're nice, interested and likely to be helpful), really worth their weight in gold.

I think you need to put the costs and benefits to your DH in those sort of terms. It is difficult to put a price on convenience, peace of mind, babysitting, a strong relationship between baby and family members from the start and a happier, more relaxed life. Their value is really, really high though.

Better to have all you baby memories in the one house ime!!

I'd agree aim to move now. So many potential advantages!

We did move when our second was tiny - we actually saw our house while out walking when he was nearly due. He was overdue by the time we put our offer in. But, no-one was in a hurry, and we were lucky enough to have a good additional deposit saved so we were able to get a mortgage for the new place and split our own sale from the purchase. We moved in about a month after completion, having had the place painted first. It was a very local move so we could ferry stuff by car and just book a van to get the bed and a few large items moved - even then my husband didn't listen when I said "wait", "I won't be able to help you clear the rest once we move the beds", and had to spend a lot more time than he'd anticipated finishing off because he was too impatient to wait another week!

So yes, moving with a small baby can work, but if you have an option to do it first life is probably easier that way!

We moved when I was 4 months pregnant with my first and it worked well.

I was in the new house for the 20 week scan, so had continuity for medical care, plus plenty of time to get the house ready, plus made a local group of mum friends

2 of our Antenatal group moved when their babies were about a year old and they've said it's been hard to make mum friends near their new houses

Moving as a couple is hell, I can’t imagine with a baby ! I’m only pregnant with my first tho and I’m a wimp.

I would say before

NOW! Easier to get a mortgage before you have a child, and trying to pack, move furniture, unpack with a kid is so hard. Plus if it's just you and DH you can sleep on a mattress and out of a suitcase eating dominoes every night for a week until you get sorted. You can't do that with a kid!

Why don't you try a compromise. Ask him to look with you just to see what is out there so you can get a better idea. You might find somewhere he falls in love with.

Definetly easier to move whilst pregnant! Moved when 7 months pregnant with DS (rental) and it was tiring but fine, moved again 450 miles nearer home when he was 3 months when DH got a promotion nearer our families and that was hard, and about to move again within our current area as we have just bought a house and I’m
1st trimester pregnant and DS is 17 months, moving is much much harder once they are mobile and into everything!! Decorating is a nightmare and packing even more so.

To be honest I'd just go with what feels right for you as it will all work out in the end regardless.

With DS we moved when he was 6 weeks as our fixed contract came to an end and the place wasn't really big enough with little one.

Now pregnant with DD and we're going to be moving when I'm 8 months pregnant as our landlord has decided he would like to sell the house (we don't have much luck with housing when I'm pregnant it would seem)

Out of the two I'd say having to move before is stressing me more because obviously we want everything to be ready for Christmas and baby. However we also don't have a place sorted yet and have had multiple other stresses so that is most likely the contributing factor!

We've had no choice but to make it work both times and it worked out the first time, no doubt it will work out the second. If you have the choice, sit down and work out the pros and cons of each. Whatever you go with, it will all work out absolutely fine for your family.

Good luck

I've moved house at 5.5 months and now with 7 weeks to go I am so glad! Feels lovely to be in our home and plan things for the baby. Good luck OP xxx

We moved house the day my waters broke. Definitely easier went pregnant but don't leave it as late as I did. My poor DH was a wreck!

I'd say before if you can, for all the practical + emotional reasons above but mainly the mortgage application. They really scour your bank statements these days to check affordability and I know someone who was Pg when applying and the bank flagged up their NCT class payments and queried if she was Pg and would be returning to work! I know quite a few friends that ended up moving with just a couple of wks before due date, all managed fine (and their oh's who of course then have to handle most of the move!) and all seemed way less stressful than doing with baba in tow.

I've done both:
Moved at 6 weeks postpartum ,downsides DH had to do all practical tasks , I didn't know anyone locally when we moved and DH having to concentrate on new job upside I had time for phone call type of organising and bits of shopping.
Moved a month before second baby due, again I could do little to help physically and of course had a little toddler to entertain. I was around for appointments, organising services etc but I had no back up as far as emergency child care ,had to quickly get organised with local toddler groups, work out where shops were etc.i can remember going mad running up emergency curtains with big tummy squeezed up to table and little dd nattering and wanting drinks.
The biggest difficulty for me in both cases was the isolation of moving at that time in my life . In both cases a lot of the burden fell on my husband.
If you are taking extended maternity leave and could leave the process until4ir 5 months after the baby comes you will be much more available for sorting your place, house hunting, mucking about on the phone and internet and generally sharing the responsibility with your partner.

How pregnant are you?
If it's early enough that you could reasonably "not know" then try to get an agreement in principle for a loan right now. Once you have to declare you are pregnant it will affect the amount you can borrow for the next 5 years - either they will not count your salary or they will deduct the cost of childcare from your income. If your DH has a high enough salary that a lender will be happy to lend what you need on the basis of his salary alone with an adult dependent and your child accounted for then you will be OK financially to wait.

However, don't underestimate the practicalities of trying to move with a small one in the house. In plan A when we were in a home that only had one bedroom, I thought we didn't need to rush as I wanted the baby in our room for the first 6 months anyway. We would market the house whilst I was on maternity leave and we would move by the time he was 9 months old. How wrong I was. It was impossible to keep the house in estate-agent-photo condition with a small baby causing chaos. We didn't even manage to start marketing it till he was 18 months and then it was on the market for a year. He was 3 before we manage to move and even then the mortgage lenders were only agreeing to lend us enough because the government free childcare had kicked in so they weren't discounting so much of my earnings.

I would say ideally now - I’m 7 months pregnant and we’re moving tomorrow. However, don’t be too hard on DH - in my experience they sometimes feel like they can’t do anything useful during pregnancy except prepare financially and my hubs has said how terrifying it feels to want to provide and make sure we’re totally financially secure. I think sometimes they go into overdrive trying to make the right decisions!