I want to tell family when baby has arrived but how do i ask them not to bother us

[Mumtoboy123]

My family have been quite intrusive and judgemental throughout my pregnancy (and before) so ive always felt strongly that i dont want to tell them when im in labour. Ive already had to send a group whatsapp message to ask them not to post about baby on social media after they started to plan how they would announce the birth online. They also all decided to announce my pregnancy online with 'jokes' such as "my sisters only gone and got herself upnthe duff" (ive been married for 2 years and this baby was very much wanted and worked for!) My mum has also dropped hints of being in the delivery room such as "well what if it goes on for a long time?" To which i replied that i had friends i would call.
When baby arrives, i want to tell them but i just know they will either ignore our requests and start sharing any pictures i send or they will bombard me with calls and messages wanting to know anything and everything.
In a dream world i would have the baby, get home and settled and then tell them and if that takes 5 days then so be it. But ive been told thats a bit harsh!
Just interested to know if anyone else has had a similar experience of being anxious of familys behaviour when baby arrives?
So far, the plan is to send a pic with his name, weight and birth date and time to the family group chat, followed by a message along the lines of "we know everyones excited but no where near as much as us. Please dont share this news elsewhere and let us do the sharing. Mum and dad you can tell family if needs be but we dont want anything public on fb. Please dont call us as we wont answer. We only get this time once and we want it as just the 3 of us at least until we are settled" but it just feels a bit mean! Any help appreciated!

I would keep the news to yourself for a few hours if you want to, then send a message saying the baby has arrived safely but you want a bit of time to bond so could they give you a day or so before visiting please. There’s no need to send photos, the baby will still look the same in a day or two when they meet him/her and if there’s no photos then there’s no risk of pictures ending up on facebook without you knowing.

I have no advice beyond what the other kind MNers have offered but wanted to add its so so normal to feel this way.

I strongly felt this way mainly about my husband's family. I totally get it that the baby is their family too but the needs of the baby and mother surpass those of all others during this precious time.

Simply put, you can do and say whateverTF you want when it comes to visitors and your baby!

Best of luck and don't feel any guilt over whatever you choose to do and say as they'll get over it eventually! X

I'd tell them how strongly you feel but if they're anything like my family they'll turn up anyway! My parents live 350 miles away and wanted to come and stay for a week after DS was born to meet their first grandchild and help out.

I was more than happy for them to come visit but asked them to give us a good few days at home alone before they travelled. They initially agreed, but I got a text as we were being discharged from hospital (the day after the birth) "where are you? Why are you not home yet? We are sitting outside your house after a very long drive and you're not here!" They drove all the way to 'surprise' us!!

Don’t tell anyone when you are in labour. And when the baby arrives just give them very basic info, no photo. Just “baby arrive safe and sound” - nobody will want to announce that on its own with no name or photo. Then you can announce when you are ready. Feel for you x

My family have been exactly the same OP, they have totally ignored everything i have asked of them so far. They were very put out when i told them i didn't want them staying with us as soon as baby arrived let alone visiting. They then went on to say as long as they could get in and decorate the house with balloons and banners for when we got home it would be fine. On that note, I wont be saying anything until we're already home (all being well that we don't have to stay in hospital too long). Ive also said that I don't want pictures going on social media (due to a job I used to have which made me very uncomfortable about the idea of this) but I can see it will be ignored as already everyone from their butcher to people they meet on holiday have already seen my scans. I don't know how its going to play out but i'm already dreading it.

Clearly the people on here criticising don't have pushing and intrusive family members. This must be very nice but you can't judge those that do. It's awful when they practically walk all over you and don't give a damn what you want.

I'm with the others and would keep the birth to myself until you are ready to tell if you can. Hopefully it all works out for you xx