Nervous for my friends gender reveal

[Holly0095]

Hi all, I'm posting this on behalf of a friend who's recently found out she's pregnant, (I'm a tiny bit jealous 🙈)
Basically she's had her mind set on a little girl for years now since she was a little girl herself,
and even now she keeps saying "when she's born" or "I'm buying that for her" got lots of girls names picked out or circled in the magazines she's buying and everything.
I don't no what to say to her to get her to realise now that she might actually have a boy. I fear that at the gender scan that she will be disappointed.....And i won't be with her as I'm at work unfortunately, but I am able to be there for her after if she's needs it, as I no now she will be... not disappointed but slightly unhappy if it's not a little girl, it will slightly burst her bubble.
can anyone suggest things I can tell her or even show her on this post of similar situations. Thanks and hope this makes sense :) xx

I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

For most people in her situation, the biggest problem is mild embarrassment that they’d been so obvious about their preference and now having to backtrack and be overly delighted that they’re getting the opposite!

Hey. I was in the same situation as your friend, always wanted a little girl and was a little, tiny bit disappointed when I found out we're having a boy. Then I started to do some clothes shopping etc and I couldn't be happier that I'm having a healthy little baby! She may feel saddened initially but it doesn't last long and she'll love him unconditionally anywayx

I don't know, but I think she might need to start being more open about the possibility of a boy.
My SIL was exactly the same, always wanted a girl, picked out girl clothes and had 7 girls names picked. She 100% believed she was having a girl.
Gender scan revealed a boy, she was devastated, didn't want to buy anything for the baby, was still convinced she might have a girl. She stopped looking after herself and stopped eating, her iron levels depleted and she ended up having her DS at 33 weeks. He was tiny and spent a while in NICU where she struggled to bond even more. It took her till the very last second to come up with a name for him and it was nearly the birth certificate cut off.
She suffered some PND and had to have a blood transfusion for the iron deficiency.
I know it's one extreme, but I've witnessed it myself and I think if it was a girl it would have been different tbh.

Where I once lived a dm who had her heart set on a girl actually discharged herself and left her newborn ds behind.
She did get him back after he spent time in foster care.

Thanks everyone, I might not show her all these comments as I don't want her to be to negative on it, the fact I think she's always wanted to be a Mum might help if it does turn out to be a boy, she will be happy i don't doubt that I've seen her face light up just the last few weeks in finding out she was pregnant, she grew up with 4 sisters and 2 brothers and she's always looked after them with her Parents as long as I've known her and I see what she's like with her littlest brother who is 3 and a half now I think maybe even 4? 🧐 not sure but she's always playing about with him and taking him to the park etc with his other siblings, I just worry about her and don't want her to be upset I suppose 🙃
She's a very good friend of the family so we are quite close and i no she would truthfully tell me if anything went though her mind or if she wasn't bonding etc xx

Perhaps tell her how lucky she is to be having a baby, and that having a baby with the same sex organs as her doesn't mean the bond will be any better.

But I'd probably stick with just how lucky she is to be having a beautiful baby. Something that a lot of people can never have.

I wanted a girl so badly; told ever one and just couldnt picture anything else. When I found out it was a boy I was ok, but a little disappointed. Then he arrived suddely at 29 weeks, spent 8 weeks in nicu, needed brain surgery etc and I feel just so incredibly lucky to have him. He's amazing and I wouldn't change him for anything. The ONLY thing that matters is that they are healthy; you don't realise how true that is until they arent. Xx

I was your friend basically, had loads girl's names picked, always imagined myself with a little girl, thought about how I would dress her...... I now have the best little boy in the world.
Many people have this, take a deep breath and get over themselves!!

I'm like your friend: I really, really, really want a little girl and I have been telling everyone. I know you're not supposed to say it, but I will be disappointed (only a bit) if it turns out we're having a little boy. We've already decided on her name if it turns out to be a girl with absolutely no options for a boys name yet haha.

We've got a 15 week gender scan tomorrow- so not long to wait now!

Is it better if she doesn’t find out? I’ve heard people say that if you have a strong desire for one sex over the other it can be better not to find out at the scan but wait till the baby arrives instead as once you’re holding them you’ll be so happy you won’t mind.

Otherwise I think all you can do is be supportive if she doesn’t get the news she wants. There are posts on here occasionally from people who are disappointed when they find out the sex of their baby and a lot of them feel very guilty for feeling that way. I think if you can listen and allow her to express any guilt/disappointment/sadness without judgement then that would be the best way to help.

I was your friend. Although I didn't tell anyone except DH that I wanted a girl. We have a DS already and would love a DD.

We found out at 20 weeks that we're having another DS. I was upset/disappointed, not because of the baby but because I'd always imagined having a DD and I know now that won't ever happen.

The hardest thing for me was how judgement people can be, there are loads of threads on here where the OP gets a hard time for wanting one sex or the other - gets told they should just be glad their baby is healthy etc.

While, yes that's true of course, I think wanting a healthy baby is a given for any parent! The desire for a particular sex is over and above that.

So I wouldn't say/do anything; maybe just that it's ok for her to want things or to imagine her life being a certain way and to feel some disappointment for what could have been. But she will get over it and will love her DS.

I also wanted a girl and was a tiny bit upset to find I was having a boy although I didn't tell anyone (not even dh). But I'm due in a fortnight now and really looking forward to meeting him. I'm glad I found out in advance. I still get a slight pang in the baby section when I pass the gorgeous girly dresses... but then I look at tiny boys' socks and babygros with boats on and just melt. What helped is seeing how happy and excited my husband was to find he was having a son!! I guess most women want girls and most men want boys (I know not everyone will agree or follow this pattern but this seems to be the most common scenario). I am so excited to see him bond with his son and make plans for all the things he wants to do with him that it makes up for not getting the girl I secretly wished for. Gender disappointment is a real thing and I don't think you can help how you feel about it but there are ways of altering your perspective and hopefully your friend will be able to do that.

With my first I really, really wanted a girl. I knew deep down he was a boy as I had a strong gut feeling but was trying to convince myself it was a girl. At my scan I was disappointed for about 5 minutes and then it didn't phase me. No soon as I went to mothercare immediately after and started buying clothes I was so excited to be having a little boy. When he was born I couldn't have ever imagined having a girl in my arms and I couldn't have been more in love and content with my little boy. The bond I have with my son makes my heart want to burst.

She may be a little disappointed if she is having a boy but once she starts her shopping and picking names it will become more real for her.

Also, currently pregnant with #2 who is a little girl so just because her first may not be a girl it doesn't mean she will never have a girl!