Could a second birth be easier?

[BeccaButler737]

Hi ladies.

So, I'm 23, petite and have a four month old son; my first. I'm desperate for him not to be an only child, however, my pregnancy and birth with Emrys was horrible and scary.

I felt awful the whole way through and at 28 weeks was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (it was unbelieveable as it doesn't run in my family and I have no risk factors). I was having regualr growth scans due to being underweight at the start of my pregnancy. I'm tiny, and so it was quite a shock that Emrys was on the 95th centile at 28 weeks, considering the scans were to check he wasn't too small.

I ended up on insulin, couldn't work for the duration, despite many attempts, and generally felt awful throughout the whole pregnancy.

I was induced at 37+5 due to the diabetes. On the Monday I had the pessary and was already 1cm dilated and contractions started immediately. After 24 hours I was 3cm and I was sent to delivery suite to be induced. They broke my waters and gave me a stretch (so painful!). I should also add I had to be on a drip and hour prior to them breaking waters for antibiotics as I was Group B Strep + plus needed insulin and glucose for the duration.

After contracting for 24 hours prior to moving to delivery suite the contractions that began after my waters breaking were incomprihensible. I can't even put into words the pain I felt from the moment my waters were broken. I have a high pain threshold and I had gone in wanting no pethidine/morphine and open to but scared of an epidural. Withing 30 minutes I was begging for pethidine. It totally knocked me out, and my partner and a midwife had to hold me upright for about 4 hours.

I felt like I needed to push but I knew it wa stoo soon but my body felt like that's what it needed to do. I was at cm when that urge kicked in. It turns out he was back to back, however due to the pethidine that didn't register at the time.

Even with the pethidine I couldn't breathe properly to use the gas and air. I knew labour was going to be painful, but this was blinding. Once that had worn off I quickly found myself begging for an epidural and thankfully I had it pretty quickly.

I managed an hour or two of feeling okay, despite having not slept in days. They then waited another 2 hours after I'd dilated to 10cm to allow him to move down. I spent 2 hours squatting and I feel I did really well at pushing him down. His head was right there.

Then all of a sudden the midwife left the room and came back with at least 5 other people. I was quickly told if I didn't push him out in 15 minutes they'd be using ventouse. I freaked and tried as hard as I could (he wasn't in any distress, and nor was I), he was moving but not as quickly as they'd have liked.

Next think another woman comes in and declares she's using forceps. I managed to ask if that would mean an episiotomy to which she replies 'I always cut when I use forceps'. Of course, at the time I accepted this. I just wanted my son here healthy. They tried the ventous twice but it failed. So then I was cut and forceps used. He was delivered, and absolutely fine but I started to haemorrhage from the episiotomy.

I felt faint and passed my son to my partner as they stitched me up.

I then proceeded to throw up then fall asleep.

My stitches honestly ruined the first 2 weeks if motherhood for me. I was EBF and had to lie down, I couldn't sit down properly and kept falling asleep on the couch or in bed with LO which gave me the fear of god. I ended up with a stitch coming loose and a hole (albeit not as bad as it could have been). It still hurts if I'm not quite ready for sex before penetration and I still cant run without pissing myself if my bladder is totally empty.

I'm gutted. I love motherhood, I love the idea of a big family but I have been so put off having anither one.

Please someone tell me it gets infintely better, or I won#t have diabetes, or a C section isn't that bad!

I at least want one more. I'm only 23 and grew up with a huge family. I don't want to see Emrys grow up an only child.

I've had two sections. They're manageable, they have their own issues but it's not worth getting scared of having one.

It's only 4 months since you gave birth. Your body is still recovering, and healing. It goes without saying that penetrative sex should only be occurring if you're totally ready. It's very common for sex to be painful post-natally and it should get better. Have you spoken to anyone about the bladder weakness?

Regarding the diabetes, it's not inevitable that you will have it again, it can sometimes just happen and then not the next time.

It sounds like it might be an idea to think about having a birth debrief, where you can talk about what happened during delivery and ask questions like this. If you contact the hospital they should be able to explain how to arrange this.

Agree with the birth debrief. I didn't have gestational diabetes, you should talk to your doctors about the chances of that happening again. But I am a small person (five feet tall, size three feet) and also had episiotomy and forceps with ds1. I lost so much blood it took months to recover, they would normally have given a transfusion but this was at the very height of the AIDS panic in the late 80's. My cut healed quite well and I didn't need further intervention. Ds1 was 7lb 12oz, a bang-on average weight then.
Ds2 was delivered without epsiotomy or forceps, or even ventouse, though it was close. They'd sent for the duty doc to cut me and (with encouragment from a fantastic student midwife) I delivered before she arrived. (I still remember how pissed off she was at having been woken for nothing. Poor woman.) Ds2 was 8lb 3oz and I was back to work (self employed) two days later.
So yes, a second birth can be very much easier, but there are no guarantees.

Thanks so much assassinated beauty. You're right, it's pretty soon but at the same time I'd rather get another pregnancy over with sooner rather than later if that's what we decide to do.

Can I ask how you found c sections?

I'm seeing a physio who I must say doesn't seem to be getting to the bottom of the severe pain upon weeing or when using a tampon. She keeps saying just give it time but I've never heard of anyone dealing with this site of thing 4 months post partum. She suspects a prolapse but despite having been to the doctor's and the physio no one has even had a look to tell me otherwise.

The sex is fine, it's just if penetration is a bit quick after getting down to it (sorry if tmi).

Will they give you a briefing of it all even if you're not pregnant again. After I'd given birth a midwife came to visit me and admitted that I should have had everything explained to me as I mentioned it had been pretty scary and everything had happened very quickly.

I'm desperate for another rbut terrified or pregnancy and childbirth.

Thanks HirpleswithHaggis. That's reassuring. As far as I'm aware the chance of diabetes again are pretty common, butnits not unheard of to not have it with subsequent pregnancies. The insulin etc didn't bother me. Itnwas just how tired and ill I felt throughout.

I lost a litre and am 5ft 3 and was 7.5stone. I was given a months ferrous sulphate but now have heart palpitations and extreme tiredness. My iron levels have come back fine and I've been told to exercise but something is not right.

I may be wallowing in self pity but I feel it's unfair seeing so many people I know having healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies and yet here I am. I know it's like be worse, but it feels unfair.

They will give a debrief to you, that's part of the process of your first birth. It doesn't matter if you're planning any more or not.

It is not unusual for women to have the same kind of issues that you're having, I guess women don't talk about it too much because it's so personal.

My first c section was not very typical I suspect. It was after a very long induction, a very long labour that ultimately got nowhere and then a sudden rush to get him out. We then also both had Group B strep, I was unwell and in the HDU and he was in SCBU. That is not very common or likely to happen! My recovery was a bit slow, which is totally down to the whole scenario , not the section itself.

The second was also an EMCS but very different as I wasn't in labour. I recovered very quickly and was up and about later that day and after another couple of days I was feeling fairly good. It's important to take the pain medication offered and to be gently mobile. I found if I did too much then I would really feel it the next day. Obviously a complication free vaginal birth is likely to be an easier recovery, but a complication free c section is not too bad either.

I think you're allowed to wallow in self pity sometimes, and now seems as good a time as any for you. And you're right, it is unfair.

Hi there
I had different issues in my pregnancy which went on for 42 long weeks but my labour was almost identical to yours (and was followed by infected stitches and an abscess) which has scared the shit out of me. I'm 3 months pp and sex is unbearable.
I'm just hoping after a year I will have forgotten most of that or at least be willing to go through it again. My gorgeous little baby was worth every second and the next one would be too, but it would be good to have an easier experience

I would also like to know but it’s kind of like asking how long is a piece of string. My birth was very similar except I thought with a straight forward birth I’d be wailing in pain, instead I had a back to back baby and got to 8/9cm at home (slim and at the time was 21), arrived at hospital at 9cm was pushing, only got gas and air, I feel like a sailed through it. Ended up with episiotomy and ventouse in theatre and delivered an 8lb 8oz baby who was supposed to be only 7lbs at most. Then I haemorrhaged due to retained products, so had to go under ga for that to be removed. It was horrible. I’d go through the birth again but never want an afterbirth quite so horrific. In the end I lost almost 2L of blood, no idea how I was still conscious to be honest.

It’s taken nearly two years to be positive about wanting another. C-sections are apparently worse for haemorrhaging if you previously haemorrhaged with previous babies but I’d say compared to all the horrible stuff I went through, recovering from a section would be a breeze to me.

I'm sorry your first birth was traumatic. I hope the physio and stuff helps. It is still early days and I agree a debrief might help?

Second births do tend to be quicker and easier. They also anticipate any problems sooner. Both of my labours have been back to back and induced. I did have an epidural for the first and lost 3 litres of blood after. The second one was so much quicker I had gas and air, and was put on a drip after baby was born to stop excess bleeding so only lost 800ml or so. If you have a post partum haemorrhage they tend to put something in place to stop it. I felt so much better after my second baby despite it having still been induction etc.

I really hope you can heal physically and mentally soon. You aren't wallowing in it. Birth can be tough.

Honestly?
If that was me I would be asking for an elective C-section.
You poor thing. You really really went through the mill. No wonder you're worried.

Wow your labour experience was very similar to mine with DD1...absolutely horrific, and I 100% believe it was down to being induced. It took me to 100% pain as soon as the drip was in, I had 30 seconds break between contractions right from the start...and it went on for 11 hours! I also had stitches...and they also came lose- the pain was horrific eh.

However...on a positive note...my second labour was completely and utterly different and so so easy compared to the first! Labour came on naturally so the pain built up very gradually and was far far more manageable. I didn't need any painkillers at all, or stitches!

So- think positively, it is very very unlikely that your second labour will be the same!