Ah fuck - how do I tell my sister?

[wellycouture]

I'm currently 9w pregnant with my first.
It's unexpected and I'm quite young (19) but fortunately dp has been amazing and is a couple of years older than me and financially secure.

I've been really excited to tell my family but I know my mother had several early miscarriages and this had made me very anxious so I've made the decision not tell anyone but dp until after the 12w scan.

However, I've had dsis over today. The conversation turned to how all of her friends seem to be starting families and she ended up in tears.
It turns out she's really desperate to have a child but her dh doesn't want one at the moment because he doesn't feel they can afford it.

I knew she has been quite keen to start a family since she got married but I had no idea how much it had been weighing on her .

I love her to bits and pieces but I was already a little nervous about her finding out as she can be very stroppy and this will be our parents first grandchild and I know she kind of saw that as her right as she is the oldest and the first of us to get married .

Now I'm terrified about her finding out as she's going to see it as massively unfair and be a complete nightmare.
I just don't want to tell my family at all now but at the same time I know they'll have to know eventually and the longer I put it off the worse she'll be

I really don’t know what to suggest but I didn’t wanna read and run as it is a very difficult decision to be in. Not wanting to hurt someone you love but also feeling like you deserve a chance at your own happiness.
I do feel for you and as hard as it will be for you to tell her and as hard as it might be for her to hear, you still have every right to do things the way you want to do them and she will have to accept it.
Just be gentle. I’m sure someone else might have some good examples of how to break the news. Good luck and congratulations x

It will be your sisters niece or nephew though so I'm sure she'll get excited once it's sunk in.Her dh hasnt said no just not yet due to money so hopefully they will start trying when the times right.It sounds like she's being impatient tbh.Her situation is different to yours and she should be happy for you and realise that.

Sorry was supposed to be flowers not a star

Sit her down and tell her face to face and just be honest. Maybe before your parents and everybody else so it's just between the two of you. It's likely she will be upset, but it won't be at you, more her DH and general situation.

It’s not going to be easy. When you tell her don’t be disappointed if she’s not excited for you and tell her when you’re on your own and say you’re sorry as you know how she feels about it but you really want her to be there for you as you will be there for her when she starts a family. Say that you would never want to hurt her but it just happened.
My stepsister stopped talking to me when I got pg. she already had a child but had had a second miscarriage. I also miscarried that pregnancy and desperately wanted another and know how that longing can affect people and make them behave out of character.

Well-you have to tell her - it will become obvious at some point!

I think she should be the first person you tell; and that you should do it quietly and in person; and that you should say that you understand that this may feel hard for her as you saw her previous distress; tell her you are really looking forward to her being involved in your baby's life.

A similar situation occurred in our family with two of my DDs wishing to start a family - one had problems conceiving and lost several pregnancies; the other sailed through,having conceived easily. It was hard for them both, as they care about each other. But both dealt with the situation sensitively and with a good grace. It was hard, but honesty and openness won the day.

I was in a similar situation in that I was oldest and wanted to have children first but my youngest sister had an unplanned pregnancy. She confided in me before anyone else including our mum and I have her my support 100% in what she wanted to do. Any thoughts of jealousy over not being first barely even made it to the surface, I was so pleased she told me and was desperately excited to be an auntie!!

Tell her and make it special for her too if you can - and congratulations!!

I had a similar situation with my DSis. She is actually younger but married first and had been with her DH for ages. I knew she was trying when me and DP decided to go for it. Also first grandchild, on both sides.I had to tell her on the phone as we live on different continents.
I said what many above advised, that I was pregnant but also that I appreciated that she might be upset about it. Turned out she wasn’t, or at least pretended she wasn’t.
I did end up having a miscarriage (I told family pretty quickly). Funnily enough when I told her I was pregnant again, she said she was too! Our due dates were within a day of each other and our children are less than a week apart. She actually ended up having the first grandchild too.
You can’t predict what will happen. I think me falling pregnant the first time encouraged my sister to look at getting medical support. She ended up falling pregnant the first month using Clomid.
I totally appreciate how hard it is but you can’t put your life on hold for others, even those you love the most. She might be upset but I am sure she will grow to love your child.

Do not tell her to her face! Call her and let her process it for a few days before you see her again. Acknowledge how she feels but also that you are happy and you hope she can be happy for you.

My sister is in a similar situation. I told her my news by text and said that it was ok if she wanted to take time to deal with it before replying to me. She was fine and very excited for me.

I agree with the PP who suggested you tell her first. Only you know her well enough to decide if it’s face to face. The thing is that everyone has their own timeline in life and most likely she will have her turn getting pregnant. Congratulations and best of luck!

'I told her my news by text and said that it was ok if she wanted to take time to deal with it before replying to me'

Very good idea

She may well be devastated OP, and unable to be happy for you right now, so be prepared for that. It's so bloody painful when you're longing for a baby and someone else announces a pregnancy. She may well feel it's unfair - life doesn't work that way of course but it will still hurt. Good luck

Yea I agree- definitely tell her before you tell anyone else. And be sensitive about it throughout your pregnancy - she will find it hard.

I was on the other side of a similar situation. I had 3 mmc in a row and was going through recurrent mc testing when DSis fell pregnant. She told me face to face very early on and I know she was worried and upset telling me but honestly I was just so happy for her as she's my sister. Other people's news was much tougher to take as I don't love them in the same way.

I had another mmc whilst she was pregnant and I actually tried to hide that from her as I didn't want to spoil her pregnancy. You know your relationship best but if you're close you might be surprised how well she copes with it.