Hi Girls- I know this is a very contraversial subject and everyone will have different opinions on it but I need a solution to my dilema.
My mum is a very heavy smoker. For the last couple of years she has had several unsucessful attempts at giving up. Each time she has started back again she has blamed something thats gone on- my brother going into hospital etc.
For years and years I have been trying to get her to give up. I know its her choice and I don't push her or pressure her, she just knows I'd be happier if she didn't smoked as she would be healthier. When we told my parents we were expecting, one of the first things she said was she promised she'd give up smoking\as she she didn't want to be a nanny that smoked. I was very proud of her and even more proud when she started acupuncture to help her. It showed me how serious she was. However, after a bad session of accupuncture she started again and since then doesn't seem to have made any effort to stop. She still smokes in the house even though she is the only smoker (my dad gave up over 2 years ago now).
I am getting worried as I only have 6 weeks left and there is no sign of her giving up. From my point of view I don't want to take my child round to a smokey house and have said that if she is still smoking when the baby is born she will have to see it round ours as I will not take it to theirs. As there is such a short time left I want to broach the subject sooner rather than later with her. I know it is her choice to smoke, but in the same breath its my choice whether I want my child in that atmosphere.
What I am asking is how would you talk to her? I spoke to my dad about it today and he can see my point and said he will have a word with her, but she is very defensive and gets like it very quickly if she thinks you are 'picking on her'. I think it would be best if I spoke to her- its my issue and its not fair to my dad to fall out with her over something that is my choice (of course he wants her to give up too).
The reason this is so hard is because I love my mum so much, and to tell her we will not bring her grandchild round if she is still smoking- regardless of whether she does it when the baby is there or not- will kill me, but I'm going to be a mum too and my number one priority is going to be my baby.
I know that saying something to her will probably mean we fall out in the short term, but that is something I am willing to risk if we can sort something out in the long term. I also know that I can not imagine how hard ir must be to give up something you have ben doing for nearly 30 yrs.
I konw some of you will think I have no right to ask this from my mum and I respect your opinions, but this is how I feel so please don't come and have a go at me- the whole situation is making me really stressed out, upset and sad
thank you for taking the time to read this- I know its an essay but I hope someone will be able to help.
PPS(34 weeks today) XXX