Upsetting pregnancy thoughts

[confused8]

I have NC for this. Although I have never been the most maternal thinking person, I have always seen having children as part of my life. I am now in my early 30's, lovely stable relationship, good jobs and good finances between us. I had my longstanding contraception removed at the end of the year with the view to just seeing what happened without any pressure of us actually 'trying'.

Roll on 8 months and I am 8 weeks pregnant. My partner is pretty excited by it and has been overall wonderful. I however have surprised myself with my mixed reactions and feelings. Some days I am positive about this but on the whole, I have been feeling quite lost and at times resentful. I have been feeling incredibly tired, nauseous (without actually vomiting) and irritable. I have put on 2kg already through feeling too unwell to exercise and basically only eating toast. I did not expect to feel resentment towards the pregnancy in respect of my body changing but I do and I am finding it upsetting. I fear this is only going to get worse as I get bigger and other aspects of life have to change. I work within maternity services and I see women who have long standing complications as a result of birth which is raising my anxieties about this too. In addition to this, SIL recently lost a baby mid way though her pregnancy and so the feelings I am having are also causing gut wrenching guilt over how I should be very grateful and how I shouldn't be feeling this way.

I am unsure what I am looking for here but it feels therapeutic to write it down. I don't feel that I can say any of this out loud at present as I am very upset that I am feeling this way as it is very unexpected. Anyone else ever experience this?

Hi @confused8 couldn't not reply to this, here for a hand hold
Some days I am so positive and happy, then the hormones come crashing in and the next I am miserable and resentful. It seems sometimes only little things can set me off, like yesterday I couldn't get in my jeans anymore (I'm 12 weeks now).
All I can say is once I got to 11 weeks I did feel a change in myself- I felt a lot more relaxed than I did, and had a lot more happy days than before as I had spent the whole time worrying I was going to miscarry. The nausea also stopped which was a huge blessing because that was making me truly miserable.
Regarding SIL guilt, I absolutely understand.
Hoping that it gets better for you soon OP xxx

Oh i got this too and researched it, it's very common. So is prenatal depression, a bit like postnatal but less known. Charities or helplines dedicated to postnatal help will help you if you need to chat through your feelings. They are valid and no shame having them, loads of people do. In my case it did pass after the first 12 weeks scan and screening results. ❤️

Hi I’m 23 weeks and could have written this myself in the early stages of pregnancy.
I didn’t plan my baby, I saw children in my future but not at this time in my life so finding out I was pregnant was and to be quite honest still is a massive shock! I’m 28, a home owner and I am in a stable long term relationship but I am at university studying to further my career. My initial reaction to the pregnancy was tears A LOT of tears. I had no idea how to feel about it and felt like the worst person in the world because I wasn’t initially overcome with joy. The next 8 weeks or so were a complete rollercoaster of emotions I went from being totally scared and unsure to feeling excited but the fear always took over the excitement.
My first trimester sucked, I felt so Poorly and would often wonder whether I could carry on with the pregnancy then I’d feel so much guilt that I’d even thought like that.
Then at 10 weeks I had a scare, I had a bleed and a lot of abdominal pain and was convinced I’d had a miscarriage had a scan and all was fine and this was the Turning point for me. The thought of losing that baby made me realise that beneath all the fear I was happy about it and had already become very attached.

I promise it gets better. It’s really normal to feel how your feeling please don’t worry. As your pregnancy progresses all sorts of emotions will come over you, your hormones are raging and your body is changing it’s very hard to comprehend.
Your not alone ❤️

Hello, I completely understand and have been in your position. If I am honest I felt very angry and resentful towards DH and the bay throughout all my pregnancy. Rashly angry and felt it was all so unfair I had to be pregnant and give up my body and career and nice food and feel sick and tired etc. Let’s face it being pregnant is completely rubbish. I know it’s a blessing etc but it really isn’t. Having a baby is. Pregnancy not so much. Honestly I was sooo angry the whole time. But honestly once she arrived within 24 hours I was smitten and loved her sooo much. Unfortunately I then had mage attack if guilt for my previous thoughts and went into a panic post natal anxiety stage.
So what I i am doing this time is some CBT to help me cope with both sets of feelings. Feel free to PM me if you like. It’s a difficult thing to talk about especially when you have people who are facing fertility issues and battling their own demons x

It may just be your homones making you go a bit wobbly. My pregnancy is very much wanted, we tried for eight months. I was so happy and excited when I got my BFP and when I started bleeding at 5-6 weeks I was crying my eyes out because I was so afraid of losing the baby.

But by eight weeks I felt completely different: I was so low that I could barely drag myself out of bed, I felt like crying all the time and I remember thinking “oh well, at least if I miscarry I will go back to feeling normal again”. It was completely out of character for me. Luckily I had good support from my partner and my midwife and it soon passed, by about 11 weeks I was my usual happy self again and have been since.

I would say don’t feel guilty, your body is changing and your hormones are all over the place so it’s not really surprising that lots of us have feelings like this in the first trimester. If you can talk it over with your midwife/partner/a trusted friend it really helps.

Also make sure you are resting and looking after yourself, don’t worry too much about weight gain etc. I needed LOTS of rest in those early weeks, lived on milkshakes and hardly exercised or went out at all but around 12-13 weeks my energy levels and appetite came back, the nausea went away and I was back to cycling and walking loads and eating healthily again and getting out socially.

Hope you are feeling better soon.