I dont really know where to begin. Found out at 12 week scan we were having twins - huge shock and adjustment. Seeing them every 2 weeks on scan was so lovely, the way theyd interact. Then at 20 week scan out of the blue told I have twin to twin transfusion syndrome (a rare condition in twins that share a placenta - "recipient" gets too much blood and "donor" not enough). It got remarkably severe very quickly and I was urgently transferred to the other end of the country for laser treatment to help their blood supplies. Donor twin had no fluid around him and recipient's heart was struggling with the extra blood. Surgery went ok.
Morning after recipient twin had died on the scan. Told other twin would likely die too. Devastated doesnt quite cover the loss I feel.
Today we had a scan on the other twin - surprisingly he is alive and growing well. There may be some signs of anaemia and also his heart walls are thickened, probably because he has had to cope with less blood for so long. Also dont know any long term neurological damage.
Im so confused. Im happy surviving twin is improving but there is so much uncertainty and worries about him and his future if he does survive to be born. I cant focus my energy on him as still grieving for other twin. It is such a strange feeling I am finding it difficult.