Not Looking Forward To Any Of It

[jane2019]

I am pregnant with my first child which is due next month.
I was never under the impression having a baby would be easy to begin with but tbh I am not looking forward to any aspect of it whatsoever.
I wanted a girl but thought I'd be ok if I had a boy. It is a boy and I have really struggled with that (which I feel ashamed to admit) although I do feel a bit better about it now!
I don't love my baby and I feel sorry for him because of that and I don't look forward to meeting him like other pregnant people say they do!
When I think of having the baby I think of the stress of visitors coming and feeling like I can't feed or change him while they're there and I dread taking him to my parents' house (they are elderly and live miles away and I wouldn't expect them to come to me) and feeling like I have to stay for a few hours!
I also worry about dropping the baby or someone else dropping him or him getting ill and not knowing how to help him.
My husband is looking forward to having him which makes me feel better, but I'm dreading it.
I feel like I'll end up staying in a lot because it is so much easier than going out!
Does/has anyone else feel/felt like this? Has anyone got any tips on how to make things a bit easier getting out and about with a newborn?

Talk to your midwife ASAP

The best piece of advice my Sister (and SIL!) have given me is that everybody drops the baby at least once.

Whether this is true or not, I couldn't say, but it really put my mind at rest!

Do not think that you have to wait on any guests hand at foot. If they expect that, then they know where the door is. Do not be afraid to feed/change the baby in front of them. Everybody knows that babies eat and poop.

It's normal to have some concerns, but please speak to your midwife because it sounds like you could have a bit of depression.

X

You sound like you might be experiencing pre natal depression which is common. Speak to your midwife and GP if necessary. I was desperate to be pregnant, we tried for 18 months before we were successful but towards the end I was dreading childbirth, dreading life changing and once DS was here, I could have cheerfully sent him back for the first couple of weeks.
Having a baby is the biggest thing you will ever do and the realisation that you can never undo what you’ve done is scary but you aren’t the first person to feel like this and you won’t be that last. Talk to your midwife, she won’t judge you and she’ll give you some ideas on what you can do next. Good luck with everything

Thanks for your responses.
I always feel quite rushed at midwife appointments. I have gone in with the intention of talking about it before but then I didn't feel like they had time to deal with me.
I'll mention it next time.
It doesn't put my mind at rest that everyone drops the baby once! It terrifies me! There could be permanent damage!!

Agree with the advice to talk to your midwife about how you are feeling.

On the practical issues you've mentioned:

Please don't even hesitate to feed and change your baby in front of visitors. Your baby's needs come first, and everyone knows babies need to eat and poop.

You can say no to visitors, or only while your husband is there to help - you are under no obligation to let people into your house, and you are certainly under no obligation to "host". Visitors know how to work a kettle - they can make a cup of tea, just ask.

You will know if your baby is ill, honestly, because you will know so well what they are like when they are well. If you don't know what to do, you ring your health visitor or go to the GP and get advice. No one knows this stuff when they have their first baby, and it's fine to ask.

Re dropping the baby, if it makes you feel any better, both my boys had their head clonked off the table at least once while I was getting ready to fee them, they are fine.

You may want to stay in a bit, but if you want to get out, it seems like a lot of effort but it's really doable. My husband used to always make sure the changing bag was packed and ready to go before he left for work in the morning, so that I could wrap the baby up, put them in the car seat and leave, without worrying about whether I'd remembered nappies/wipes etc. Once you get used to getting out and about with them, you will do fine.

I had no idea how to look after a baby when my first was born. You figure it out though - feed them, change their nappy and make sure they are an ok temperature, and cuddle them, and that's pretty much all they need for the first few weeks.

This does sound like anxiety and depression you’re not wrong for feeling this way be so seek help ASAP.

I would make an appointment to see your GP rather than wait for the midwife. It’s not uncommon to feel like this and hopefully with a bit of support you will start to feel much better.