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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I don't want the father involved.

14 replies

ty1996 · 05/09/2018 19:07

Hi. I am very early in my pregnancy but I have already decided I do not want the father in any way involved with my child. He was the father of DD and when I was pregnant with her, he told me 'get rid I don't want her' and he moved away and stopped talking to me. About 4 weeks before I was due he decided to get in touch and apologise for everything, so I let him see our DD once she was born. At first he was lovely, always wanted to be around her, always offering to help and get stuff which she needed. And after a few months we decided to make a go of things again. He constantly apologised for what he had done to me, and things started going good. He was a brilliant dad. And then Out of the blue he left again, no explanation, no nothing. And I am pregnant (he doesn't know) and I dont want him to know. He doesn't deserve to know, the way he has treated Dd and me is awful. But I know when I go to my midwife appointment they're going to ask about him and I don't want to even mention the low life. I'm scared the midwifes can contact him and say what's happening and I don't want him to know anything. What can I do?

OP posts:
WillowRose79 · 05/09/2018 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Havetothink · 05/09/2018 19:26

Sorry but the pp is wrong and it is absolutely your choice and I seriously doubt the midwife would want or be allowed to contact the father without your say so. Just tell the midwife you're not currently together with the father.

LittleMG · 05/09/2018 19:32

Can u say you dont know who he is, one night stand maybe? Then just look blank? I think it’s your choice in my opinion.

DPotter · 05/09/2018 19:35

Ty
The midwife may well ask about the father - in terms of support for you and your children. She will not contact him. You can tell her that he has deserted you again and that the relationship is over. He can't insist on terminations, attending appointments, being at the birth etc. That's totally up to you.

I would prepare yourself for mutual contacts to raise the pregnancy with him, once word gets out, eg 'Baby number 2 on the way' type comments. I personally would prefer inform him in my own time so I was prepared for any come back.

WillowRose
The op has come on here for support. She doesn't need kicking when she's down and struggling.

Original poster
ty1996 · 05/09/2018 19:43

Not quite sure why you commented @WillowRose79 ? Your opinion is enough to make someone feel shit about themselves when they're already going through a tough time. I'm sure this site is for support and encouragement, not for someone to demoralise and make judgement on someone.

OP posts:
ohdeardeardear · 05/09/2018 19:45

Ignore the witch!

The midwife may ask but you do not have to give his details, if you do they won't contact him either. I don't blame you for not wanting him around. Congrats Smile

WillowRose79 · 05/09/2018 19:55

Op said he wasn't a good dad then slept with him again and got pregnant? Sorry if people feel it's harsh but it's completely irresponsible

Original poster
ty1996 · 05/09/2018 20:01

@WillowRose79 I never once said he wasn't a good dad.. I put when he came back he was amazing and did good job and bought stuff she needed.

OP posts:
mydogmymate · 05/09/2018 20:03

Willow You've clearly never been in a relationship with a serious head fuck.

It's all a bit academic now though, she's pregnant and vulnerable and needs support and you're being judgy

ohdeardeardear · 05/09/2018 20:04

No need to justify yourself, OP. Ignore the troll, they'll go away.

mydogmymate · 05/09/2018 20:08

Exactly, ignore the trolls.

Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope you're keeping well. Just a thought, but have you got mutual friends who will tell him? It might be better coming from you. All you need to say to him is I'm pregnant with your baby but I don't want you involved at all.

You know better than me though. Congratulations Thanks

Mamababynumber2 · 05/09/2018 21:08

In your birth plan you can also ask that the father is not allowed anywhere near you and you can register the birth before he finds out so that there is no father name on the birth certificate. Without his name on the certificate he has no parental responsibility and no rights to the baby.

aetw · 05/09/2018 22:02

This relationship sounds quite emotionally abusive for both you and your daughter. Abuse is taken very seriously, and they actually ask you about it at the booking in appointment. There is no way that the midwife is going to contact your ex partner. I think you’re making a very good choice of leaving him out of it for now. Why don’t you just focus on you, your baby, and your lovely daughter all of which deserve all the love and attention that you can give.
I’m afraid once a fuck wit always a fuck wit . I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Please don’t take him back if he returns. I say this from experience. Xxx

Angharad07 · 05/09/2018 22:18

@willowrose how clueless of you. Op is taking these steps to protect her children from further heartbreak and abandonment issues caused by the father. The way the father has treated OP’s dd is nothing short of neglect and emotional abuse, in my opinion. I’m speaking as someone who’s own father was like this. Good luck OP, you don’t need him nor do you need to explain yourself to prying midwives x

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