Pregnant and OH doesn't want it

[HELP1980]

Don't really know why I'm posting here, just feel so alone.
Sorry for the long thread just need someone to talk to!

I'm 12 weeks pregnant had my scan today and all is fine.
My partner wasn't happy at all about the pregnancy (it wasn't planned). He's been drinking every night and hardly eating since I found out.
He's now saying he doesn't want this baby at all, the thought and scan pictures make his stomach turn.
He said I have ruined his life by wanting to keep the baby.
He's also told me he's had thoughts that he wanted to end his life cos he can't cope.
He said he's in the biggest depression of his life and doesn't know how he can carry on.

I really don't know what to do, I feel so hurt, lost and alone. I can't believe he is being like this. We have been together 13 years. Why has he not broken up with me before he he feels this low about commitment with me!
He doesn't speak to me, just yes no answers. I don't know what to do I honestly don't.
There is no way I will terminate and he knows this.
When the midwife said all was good today at the scan I saw his face drop!
Please what do I do??

So it’s OPs responsibility to deal with contraception? Call me a cynic, but shouldn’t the person who adamantly doesn’t want children be sorting their own contraception?

Oh come on now. I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

I really do think he needs to see someone professional and fully open up to them!

Yes it sounds really odd saying "children".

I really want to be excited and speak to friends/family about my pregnancy but just feel I can't at the moment!

He may not want to be a DADDY but he will always be a FATHER.

Oh come on now. I think you are being deliberately obtuse.

No that would be you, since you think he doesn’t have any responsibility to prevent pregnancy if he doesn’t want one!

Sorry, OP, only some recognise that You've posted on here asking for advice in your current situation, not your morales and relationship and whether you conceived responsibly

Thank you all for your replies.

I feel so lost and upset today.
He left me last night saying he needs time to think what he wants.
He's messaged me today saying this is not what he wants at all, his head is fuked and he is so depressed.
Said he doesn't know if he wants to be with me and that this will probably split us up and if it does then that's that!

I'm really upset and struggling with it all. I feel so alone and like I don't have anyone to talk to.

I really want this baby more than anything, especially after my scan yesterday. There is no way I can terminate especially for a man!
I just don't know how I will cope financially with 2 children on my own. I only work part-time and all my money goes on household bills.
The money OH gave me towards everything was the only spare money I had.

My head is such a mess I really can't believe he is doing this to me

Op go to citizens advice about welfare advice.
I believe he may come round when its born. But please look after yourself. Youre having a baby. Yay!!

Let him go OP. Hard as it may seem just now it will be best in the long run for you and your children.

Another who was once in a very similar position.

Time to let him go and focus on what you want. That’s all you can do. He needs to walk away if that’s his choice.

This sounds harsh, I know, but the worst thing you can do at this point is to indulge this man's silly behaviour. Let him go if he wants to go, you won't change his mind by the sounds of it.

Thanks girls.

He said he is going to come round about 8 to discuss the best options for us.
Whatever they are I don't know!!

If he decides he wants to walk away then he can go.
It's his loss not mine.

I'll be the one with 2 beautiful children whilst he has nothing.

If he decides when the baby is born he doesn't want nothing to do with it then that's fine!
I'm sure his family and friends will be very proud of him!!

You sound so strong, OP, and good for you knowing that whatever happens you've got two beautiful children. I hope you've lots of family support and shoulders to go to through this tough time, he's being incredibly selfish imo taking time away and "deciding what he wants" I mean, damn, yes be in shock and adjust but the baby is coming whether you're there or not - it's not for him to "decide" anything.

I still stand by my opinion that if he's expressing he's depressed, show him some helplines or local counselling options no matter how tonight goes.

We're all here to help you through the outcome. Oh and I haven't said it yet, but congratulations on your pregnancy!

Hi Hun
Just wanted to offer my support. I’ve been going through a similar thing. But we had ivf and at my 6 week scan saw it was twins. OH freaked out!! One is ok, two is too many, according to him. I moved to my parents for some space but I’m back at home and my 12 wk scan is tomorrow. I don’t know if two will still be there tomorrow or what. It’s been very stressful. We’ve had arguments, tears, anger, despair. I think he is scared...about money, responsibility, lifestyle etc etc and of course it’s taken a long journey to get here. If he carries on I will go it alone but I’m hoping he is slowly coming round and when his family know they will be thrillled and that will help him.
I have no answers for you...but I have seen a change in him over the weeks...maybe some space might help you?? Also I’m going to have some counselling, might help you too? I’d love him to go too but not sure yet.
Sending love xxx

If he walks he will still have to be responsible with child support and the like. You will be ok. I was married with two children and was scared of being a single parent. When I was together with my exH we always struggled financially. When we separated I was so much better off! It was amazing how much more free money I had.

Whether he wants the baby or not, as he’s the father he has to provide some support. He sounds a weasel. Where are your friends and family? Sounds like he’s pushed you into one abortion and he’s going to try to do it again tonight. If you want this baby, go to the CAB and find out what you are entitled to for 2.

Your all so supportive and made me feel so much better. Thank you.

He can walk if he thinks his life is "fuked" now then it's going to be a lot worst.
It's not going to change the fact that I'm pregnant! He's still going to be a father. He will just be known as the DICK who walked out cos is girlfriend was pregnant.
He will have nothing then! No me or my step son who he adores and no baby! Just his sad lonely 34 year old self!

What will he tell his friends and family the reason we split!!

I know I can do this, I will get by I have such a supportive family plus I will have my 2 children!

Or my son, his step son who he adores I should have said!