To want to keep details of my c-section date to myself

[Butfirstcoffee85]

I'm due to give birth in a few weeks time. The date for my section has already been booked. The problem is we have two small children who will need looking after when I go in. Both sets have grandparents have expressed they'd help but the problem is I don't want them to know I'm going into hospital to have the baby because they will constantly be expecting updates and I would rather keep it to ourselves till baby was born. I can turn off my phone and ignore the messages but DH can't in case of an emergency which is understandable . He doesn't understand the big secrecy of why I don't want people to know but if I tell my mum or his mum they will tell everyone even if we ask them not to. It's not intentional but I'd still prefer to keep it quiet. AIBU to partially lie and want to tell them it's a routine appointment and that I will be kept in for the day for check ups and DH is coming with me?

I think this is a bit off, if you're expecting them to help.

Why not just say you are having the section that day but you feel a bit overwhelmed and you and OH don't want constant questions and you'll let them know when baby has arrived. I think honesty is the best policy in situations like this. Just lay it out as you have here?

TBH, I’m with your husband on this one. My mum would be gutted if I kept it from her, and it wouldn’t be fair to only tell one set of parents. If you feel really strongly about keeping it quiet, the only thing I’d suggest is saying you’re going in for your pre-op and you want DH with you, then surprise them with your news.

We only told my parents when I went in for induction because they were providing childcare. Didn't tell my in laws till DC2 arrived. I wouldn't feel comfortable lying tbh, and I also think I would have done a rubbish job if I'd tried as I was so nervous I couldn't sit still! Just tell them as you have here; you want the news private and won't be able to update constantly.

Bit op has already said that they won’t keep quiet even if asked to.

I don’t see a problem with saying it’s a routine appointment. Once the baby is here everyone will be too excited. And if they do make a fuss, just say you didn’t want anyone to worry or contact dh if you hadn’t told them that all was ok by the time they would have expected you to have called. Also you wanted them to have a fun time with your other children.

No one else has a right to know. Yanbu and your the one having major surgery so I’d say it’s your decision

OP totally understand, I have that kind of a family as well. Although, I love them and appreciate their excitement - it's just the calls never stop. I end up feeling pressured when I shouldn't be.

I'd just prepare them psychologically by saying, towards the end you have a couple of appointments (technically true) and maybe just have the kids' bags already at their GPs place. It'll just be a matter of dropping them off, going for the 'routine' appointment and hey presto!! Surprise, baby is here!!!

That'll give you time to recover and DH can call them when you're ready. Tell DH you don't like the fuss and you'd like to surprise the family. That's all.

They need to be told if they’re looking after the others but I would make sure you tell them NOT to tell anyone else xx

I’m having my section tomorrow (Tuesday) and have told both sets of parents I have a routine check up on Wednesday with the section prob thur/Fri. Tomorrow we will ring them with the big surprise. Difference in my case though is that it’s my first child. I do understand not wanting to feel overwhelmed on what already is a big day.

I think it’s a bit mean to lie to them if they are going to be providing childcare for you.

I'm in the same position and understand wanting to keep it secret. But I think the minimum you can do is at least tell the people who will be looking after you children. I don't want to tell anyone either but will be telling the in-laws as they will have DD for us. I'd rather give them notice and make arrangements than spring it on them at the last minute.