Ex bfs sister works at delivery hospital

[lucy19977]

Sorry I'm unsure if this is the right topic to post this in...

So basically I was with my ex for 3 years and i got pregnant very suddenly and it was not planned at all, at first he was great until he told his family and they said that the baby would ruin his life and he didn't have to see/support the baby and he is too young for a baby (he's 24 and I'm 21)...

His sister has been the worst through our the whole thing as she had messaged me to suggest I abort the baby (I was 17 weeks pregnant) and he thought it was a good idea I was obviously devastated and it wasn't what I wanted at all..when I decided to keep
The baby his sister told me I was mental and he broke up with me.

At first I was very angry and not willing to cooperate with him and didn't want him
To see the baby but he has since said he wants to be apart of the babies life and I care to my senses and have been trying to be civil with him ever since.

We do argue sometimes as expected and in the most recent argument he told me that his sister can look through my medical records and turn up at any of my appointments and at the birth of the baby...she works at the same hospital as I'm having all my appointments and giving birth, I'm not really sure of her job title but I know she's a high up doctor of some sort.

My question is basically should I mention this to the midwife or am I best to move hospitals all together it's making me really anxious cause I really don't want to see her?

Wow, he's an arsehole to 'inform' you of that. Way to try and control you.

NO-ONE can just turn up to appointments or the birth.
She cannot 'just access' your medical records either. They will be locked away in a totally different department and unless she is you're midwife, she will have no access to them.
If she did do any of the above, she would be sacked.
So tell him that.

What is her position?

And yes, absolutely it to your midwife.

By law she can’t look at your records. If you suspect she has you can ask the hospital to show you who has accessed your records. If she has without a medical need she would have committed a serious offence.

I would suggest contacting PALS at the hospital and discussing it with them. They will probably be able to put extra security on any electronic records.

Hospital computer systems keep a log of what records members of staff have accessed. There was a big stink at one place I worked where a celebrity was a patient and loads of nosey staff were looking up details and a lot of disciplinaries. This would be looked on equally unfavourably.

If it's causing you that much anxiety how further is the other hospital?

I should imagine she knows it's more than her jobs worth he is just using her as a threat the response to him is to state she will lose her job if she tried that I really don't think she wants go risk it do you?

Please do tell your midwife what has been said and that you are worried. She will ensure none of what has been threatened happens.

Your ex is bluffing, or his sister has told him a pack of lies. Ignore and report so the hospital had a heads up if she does try to access your records of turn up. Easier to report the threat beforehand than deal with it if it happens.

Anyone working at a hospital with access to medical records will have it drilled into them that it’s simply not worth looking. What role does she have? I doubt a qualified health care professional would risk their job and reputation for a quick nose at your file, on the off-chance you’d mentioned you had piles or something as equally mundane.

Mention it to your midwife and ask what their policies are regarding privacy during labour and any stay- mention you know of a member of staff who youd rather avoid and see if they have any solutions.

Theres an electronic trail if she has. She wouldnt dare imo.
Might be worth keeping the texts tho

I would definitely be telling someone about these threats, and I also think you need to consider how much contact you have with your ex.
He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Oh my god! That's appalling!!! Both your ex and his sister (how is it even her business?!) sound like a nasty piece of work! Speak to your midwife for definite. If be tempted to move hospitals too though.

His sister can't do any of those things, if she tries she will face disciplinary action

Can I suggest that you complain to your local hospital.
She may not have done anything wrong and If this is the case she has nothing to worry about.
If she is a doctor she sounds a bit smarter than her brother and would know breaking confidentiality in this way could cost her her job.
They will probably check to see if anyone has accessed your record and if she has, she will be in very serious trouble and rightly so.

If, which is likely, she has not and will not access your records, then there is no harm done and extra checks will be carried out to make sure this remains the case.

Then gleefully message your ex. Tell him you have contacted the hospital. And if his sister does anything of the sort she will be out of a job.
After this tell him men who bully pregnant women don’t deserve access to their newborn. And he won’t be going on the birth certificate.
Good luck, I think you will need it with regards to your ex.

Do you have copies of text messages of him telling you this and the sister telling you to abort?

Absolutely show this to your midwife and make a special request that she's not allowed anywhere near you in deliver or maternity ward afterwards.

Consider carefully whether you want him on the birth certificate.

Like everyone else said, if she looks at your medical records she'll be fired. The computers log who looks at what page when.

Actually my friend who works in admin at hospital told me once she looked in to some ones medical history I told her it was out of order.

It’s not beyond the realms of possibility of you know how.

I’ve also had a gp receptionist ask me how my IVF treatment was going while we were stood in line in a shop so I know some people do snoop.

Personally I’d move hospitals. She could just show up after the birth

Unless she’s his much older sister I doubt she’s a very high up doctor!

Please let your midwife know, what a horrible situation.

@Lifespan I like your thinking...

I would definitely tell your midwife everything, including the threats and messages from both.

You can be traced and if she was to access your info, she is very likely to lose her job, especially as they'll know in advance. We have it drummed into us (I worked in the NHS until recently). I'd also ask them to make sure she is nowhere near you/your baby whilst you're in hospital.

I also wouldn't allow him to be on the birth certificate, personally.

xo

Thank you for the reassurance, I feel a lot better now. I was unsure if I should tell the midwife as I didn't want her to think I couldn't cope being a single parent (even though I have an amazing family who I'm going to stay with for a while and have a good paying job etc) but I definitely will. I will ask to see who has been in my records and if she would advise me to move hospital (the other hospital is only 10 mins away)

I'm trying to be the better person and I decided to give him a chance to be a good dad but he knows if he fucks up once then I will be difficult. I just don't want his sister anywhere near me or my newborn until she's at least apologised for all the horrible things she has said.

I'm going to try and reach out to his mum and show her I'm not just a child who doesn't know what she's doing. In the end I only want what is best for my son and I don't want them to make it difficult.

Thank you