Activities to do with a pregnant friend

[FelicisWolf]

I have a good friend that I used to see a lot (about 4 times a week), we live down the road from each other so would usually pop round each other's house for a catch up over a glass (or two ) of wine. Both our DHs are good friends too so we would all do things together. She has recently found out she is pregnant, and since has been avoiding seeing us even though we still invite them over, although we are doing that less often as have got the hint. I don't want to pester her as completely understand that her situation has changed and she is focusing on different things. I also don't want it seem to her as though I'm 'ditching' her now that she's pregnant as that's not the case at all! Should I just leave her be and hope that she'll reach out again? Or do you have any ideas of appropriate things I could suggest we do together that doesn't seem facetious?

She's avoiding you because she's pregnant? What? Why? Has she always been such a princess?

Pregnant ppl can do everything non pregnant ppl do, bar a few exceptions. She's not ill.

Ask her why she is being so rude?

It could be that her pregnancy is giving her a hard time physically. It might not be that she intends to shun you for the pregnancy more that her body is temporarily letting her down. Whether that’s long term or just a few weeks, no one can say.

Obvs it might not be that either

My experience is that the first trimester is horrid.. Constantly either feeling sick or being sick, crushing exhaustion and hormones all over the place! Give her a few weeks and then see if she's feeling better...I am 23/weeks and just got back from a very busy long haul holiday. I am happy to swim, exercise, have meals, go for drinks (not booze obvs),/cinema etc etc.

She’s probably exhausted and feeling like crap. She might not be up to doing much at the moment. I know at some points I was so shattered when I got in from work that I was just straight into bed and the thought of socialising would have been hell.

You could try inviting her for a meal (that she won’t have to cook - bonus!), suggest getting a takeaway or try to plan something for the daytime eg. At the weekend?

If she’s someone you see very regularly, I would just call and ask what you can do for her!

She’s probably feeling a bit crap. I felt awful in the first trimester, I was in bed for 7 most nights after a day of vomiting.
I’d suggest things like coming round for food etc. Or just ask her how she’s feeling!

Is she first trimester? It may just be the exhaustion - I’d get home from work and go straight to bed, couldn’t stay up long enough to eat dinner never mind socialise.

So try not to take it personally!

Maybe just text occasionally asking how she is, offer to pop round with some cake for a cup of tea?

I doubt she’s avoiding you. I’m 9 weeks and feel like death. Think constant hangover and you’re about halfway there. I think people either don’t know, or simply forget, how bad you can feel in the first trimester, especially as there’s no bump and no evidence if you like. I’ve really struggled to keep up with my friends this summer holiday, I went out with a group of friends, met at 7 and had to go home at 9 as I was so exhausted. I’ve also had to turn down various invites as I can barely leave the sofa without being sick, so driving is out of the question too. Only one knows I’m pregnant but I really hope the others aren’t taking it personally. Why don’t you pop round and see if there’s anything you can do for her? Im sure she’d appreciate that.

Activities in the firs trimester revolves around sleeping for me! I just did not have the energy for people at all, and I had to spend what little mental energy I had at work.

Text her and let her know that you’re still there for her, this will pass :)

Just keep inviting her as normal, or ask if there's something she likes to do.
Also, maybe ask her how she's feeling. She might feel exhausted and sick so just doesn't want to socialise.

I don't want to pester her as completely understand that her situation has changed and she is focusing on different things.

As people have said, she's probably feeling crappy, especially if she recently found out she's pregnant and so is early on. Just wanted to say, though, there really isn't much to 'focus on' in pregnancy - it's not like you sit around contemplating the mystery of life constantly - so do keep inviting her, as it will almost certainly be that she's feeling rough physically, not that she's now focused on other things or somehow moved on beyond your friendship - so if she starts feeling better she'll want to go back to socialising! If you haven't asked her how she's feeling, do - if she's feeling rubbish she might appreciate being asked.

Thanks all for your advice, I think you're right and it's probably just that she's feeling unwell and tired. I'll offer to cook dinner and just keep checking in every now and then, first trimester sounds horrid!

Yep. I used to get in at 4 and go to bed until DH woke me up with dinner when I would eat and have a quick shower and then go back to bed until my alarm Went off at 6.30.

@FelicisWolf that sounds lovely, if she says no.
When I was feeling at my worst it was lovely when a friend asked me out for a little walk, just to get some fresh air (we were going to eat but most food made me sick!) Maybe that's a suggestion too😀

Agree with what previous posters have said: she’s probably just feeling rough and not intentionally avoiding you. I ended up cancelling loads of social stuff in my first trimester because I felt so unwell and could barely drag myself out of bed some days - work and sleep was all I could manage. Just keep in touch, check in now and again and ask her how she’s feeling and I’m sure she’ll be back out and about again soon.

Drop round some dinner, nice shower bits and bobs and some snacks. She'll know you're thinking of her and won't feel pressured to be out socialising when she feels like crap!